This can feel like…
- it’s too much of an effort to see people
- no one understands me
- I don’t have any real friends
- socialising is too overwhelming
- I’m sick of dealing with people
Ever sent a text saying “Something has come up, I can’t make it anymore” when you have absolutely nothing else on? Everyone has days when the effort of going somewhere is too much and you just don’t feel like leaving the house. Avoiding social situations can come from a range of feelings, some are just natural like being so busy and needing time out and others are a bit more complex.
Reasons you might be withdrawing
There are a number of reasons you might be withdrawing from those around you. Some of these include:
- Not really clicking with the friends you have. There comes a time when you’re chatting away to your friends and it suddenly dawns on you that you have nothing in common. Hanging out with people that you don’t really get on with isn’t all that enticing, so it’s not surprising you’re avoiding them.
- Growing up and moving on. No one stays exactly the same for their whole lives. People get older, have different interests, move away and find new friends. If your friends are still stuck in a high school mentality and you’re thinking about jobs, kids and superannuation, it might be time to find new friends.
- Moving away or being in an unfamiliar place. When everything around you is different and you don’t have your best friend living in the house down the road anymore, it can be hard to get the motivation to go out and find new friends. It’s worth thinking about learning skills that might help make the transition a bit easier, as well as take away some of the loneliness of living somewhere new.
- Losing your confidence. Not everyone feels awesome about themselves all the time. We all get feelings of self-doubt and have things we’d rather were different about ourselves, but these shouldn’t interfere with your ability to get out and about. If low self-esteem is impacting your desire to make and maintain friendships, there are some helpful confidence boosting strategies which could help you through.
- Lacking in energy. If you’re doing 101 things at a time, it’s not uncommon to feel exhausted and not up for socialising. Same goes if it’s a busy time in your life right now, exam stress or family stuff which might be keeping you off the radar. However, if you’re just tired all the time and can’t think of a reason why, it might be a physical thing that needs checking out.
If any of the above reasons are causing you grief (or others we haven’t mentioned), it’s always worth having a chat to someone you either know or trust. Sometimes wanting to run away and hibernate can just be a momentary thing, and soon you’ll be back in the swing of things socially.
Other times there’s a bit more to it and having a chat to someone like a psychologist or counsellor who can give you practical strategies, or work out the real reason you’re wishing you could hide under your doona forever, might be just the cure you’ve been looking for.