Being bullied can lead you to breaking point, but it doesn't have to. Learn how one guy refused to let it bring him down.
The first time going to professional treatment was hard and uncomfortable, but after a while I liked going there because it helped. And I felt like I was doing something to help myself.
My story truly began when I was fifteen. I attended a rich Catholic all boys school in inner Brisbane. This is where my life began. Up until then, life seemed very easy to me, I had been an achiever in primary school had many friends. When I began high school, this all came to an end and I began the hardest struggle I've ever known. I was new to the all-boys school environment and didn't know of its harsh pecking hierarchy. I was bullied from pretty much the first day I started. It wasn't really a problem until year 10 when I no longer enjoyed going to school. I had a few enemies, but the worst were closest to the heart, in my own peer group.
After a long time being bullied by year 11 I was unable to study, unable to sleep and drowning in my own doom. I distinctly remember one night I was so scared and frightened I was crying in the shower silently at 3 am, trying not to wake up my parents. I had no idea what was happening to me at the time, it was something I had never experienced, pure emotional hell. For months I kept going to school surviving it hour by hour, and gradually my situation worsened. I was nose diving into a deep dark hole of depression. I became so depressed that when I attended my year 12 formal, I actively attempted suicide by consuming an incredible amount of alcoholic spirits. I can remember sitting down trying to stay conscious trying to make myself vomit as well as keep breathing. I did lose consciousness but I was incredibly lucky and recovered the next day without any organ damage. It was the day after that I knew something was terribly wrong with me.
I continued to get bullied and I sought some professional help during year 12. At first I felt very embarrassed and like I was a complete fruit cake - like I labelled myself a special 'ed' kid or something. I thought to myself 'how could a kid so well off be so pathetic?' Especially being a guy, we aren't meant to have any problems emotionally. The first time going to professional treatment was hard and uncomfortable, but after a while I liked going there because it helped. And I felt like I was doing something to help myself.
I found the best help I got was from regular visits to my local GP. He and I went through it all and I told him everything. Just having someone to tell you that everything's going to be alright was what I think helped me the most. I went through one or two therapists before I found the one I liked the best. She and I worked through some stuff that I hadn't talked about with anyone and this really helped. I did take some antidepressant medication for a while and these did help, but only in a minor way in my case. I found them helpful when I was extremely upset and feeling a bit out of control, but they didn't work for me in the long run. Nevertheless they were an asset in my recovery.
I am currently doing a few activities and getting back into life. I do Taekwondo and I attend a self help group in the city. This mid-year I am starting study at TAFE to become a Social Worker. One day I would like to become a Mental Health Professional. I want to be like the people that helped me. Saving the lives of young people that have a full life time ahead of them filled with never ending joy, fortune, love, and everything that life has to offer.
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