ROdown Blog
Asking a friend RUOK?
Ask someone the question on 29 November
Almost all of us have had times when a friend has been down or has been going through a tough time.
Some people are great at letting people know how they’re going; they know when to speak with a friend, family member or counsellor to get support if they’re going through a tough time and don’t see talking about their problems as a weakness.
However, many people don’t talk about their difficulties or seek support when they really need it. This might be for a number of reasons, including not knowing who they can talk to, or being worried about what people will think if they do open up.
The thing is, if someone is going through a really tough time, it can be a massive relief to be given permission to say ‘I’m not OK’ and to be given an easy opportunity to ask for help.
That’s what RUOK? Day is about – giving people the excuse to ask their friends and family if they’re ok, and giving people information about how and where to get help if they need it.
The RUOK? Day team, in conjunction with Lifeline, have developed these Five Top Tips to assist you to connect with other people and to have a conversation that asks the RUOK?
Tip 1. Be receptive
- Take the lead, show initiative and ask: “Are you OK?”
- Put the invitation out there: “I’ve got time to talk”
- Maintain eye contact and sit in a relaxed position – positive body language will help you both feel more comfortable
- Often just spending time with the person lets them know you care and can help you understand what they’re going through
Tip 2. Use ice breakers to initiate a conversation
Use open-ended questions such as “So tell me about...?”, which require more than a “yes” or “no” answer
You may also like to use the following questions to start a conversation:
- “You know, I've noticed that you've seemed really down/worried/stressed for a long time now. Is there anyone you've been able to talk to about it?”
- “Lots of people go through this sort of thing. Getting help will make it easier”
- “I hate to see you struggling on your own. There are people that can help. Have you thought of visiting your doctor?”
Tip 3. Practice your listening skills
- Listen to what a person is saying, be open minded and non-judgemental – sometimes, when someone wants to talk, they’re not always seeking advice, but they just need to talk about their concerns
- Be patient – let the person take their time
- Avoid telling someone what to do: it is important to listen and try to help the other person work out what is best for them
Tip 4. Be encouraging
- Encourage physical health. Maintaining regular exercise, a nutritious diet and getting regular sleep helps to cope in tough times
- Encourage the person to seek professional help from their family doctor, a support service or counsellor, or a mental health worker
- Encourage self-care. Sometimes people need to be encouraged to do more to look after their own needs during a difficult time
Tip 5. Be helpful
What not to do when trying to help someone. It is unhelpful to:
- Pressure them to “snap out of it”, “get their act together” or “cheer up”
- Stay away or avoid them
- Tell them they just need to stay busy or get out more
- Suggest alcohol or drugs
- Assume the problem will just go away
So is there someone who you care about who you think might be going through a tough time?
What could you say to them to start a conversation and support them to get the help they need to get through this tough time?
Have you had a conversation with someone you cared about that changed their life? Tell us about it - what did you say? How did it help them? Share your successes with the community below ... we'd love to hear your stories.
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9 Comments
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Shyz-as
almost 2 years ago
Reply ReportI did not see anything in the media about this! it shows what type of society i live in no wonder we call it the doom and gloom! but enough with that talk, it time for things like this to be publicized!
why don't we live by these rules every day, i try to, and its better for me!
anna
about 2 years ago
Reply Reportgreat!
Did anyone else see anything in the media?
Cassie :)
about 2 years ago
Reply ReportI was excited to see an article in the Sunday Times in WA about R U OK? Day. It also included a small article about 2 guys cycling around Australia for Reach Out and there was a picture of them with a Reach Out shirt on! Also great to see people promoting it on Facebook and Twitter today :)
anna
about 2 years ago
Reply Reportthis is an absolutely fantastic initiative.
Amazing opportunity with so much engagement with media to get messages about how to start conversations with people in your lives you may be worried about and how and where to get help and extra support if they need it.
I'm really excited to see how people respond and to hopefully see the impact - it could be pretty huge, as this is a really difficult thing to do for a lot of people, and yet there is so much need.
:)
Janice-RO Crew
about 2 years ago
Reply ReportHey Check out Gavin Larkin who is the founder of R U OK? Day talking about why he set up the initiative.
What a great initiative and a passionate guy!
Becks
about 2 years ago
Reply ReportI think this blog post is fantastic. These skills are SO important when it comes to effectively communicating with the people around you. I'm really looking forward to RUOK? day because it gives me the chance to be open with people around me, but also allows people to be open with me! =)
Thank you for this post!
Alphabet
about 2 years ago
Reply ReportThose tips are really helpful. I think that listening and being no judgmental is so important...its kinda tells your friend that you are there for them and have the time to listen to whatever they are going through.
Are you ok is something so simple to ask people around but so often forgotten i think. It would be great if more people asked others around them that.
Cassie :)
about 2 years ago
Reply ReportThis is a great thing that people on this day are encourged to ask someone, "Are you okay?" It should be something that is encouraged everyday :)
I know for me it is a lot easier to be honest about how I'm really feeling if someone asks me first if I am okay so that I know they do want to listen to what I have to say. Last year I told a friend about my mental health problems after she asked if I was okay and that was the first time in about four years I had told any of my friends about what was going on. It was good to be able to get it out and talk to a friend and actually be honest to someone.
McLeod
about 2 years ago
Reply ReportThis day will be really great!
I know that if someone asked me if I was OK I'd more than likely say yes, even if I wasn't. (I am getting help and talk to someone regularly) But on this day, I'll be truly honest and if I'm not OK I'll say that I'm actually not. And I'll definately be asking all my friends if they're really OK.
LOL. Probably sounds weird, but.
Cheers,
McLeod
(: