ROdown Blog

What are you looking forward to most on the show tonight guys?

I know I'm not a guy (!) but I'm really intrigued by this topic.

I mean, I know some of my guy friends have great male friendships where they can be quite open about a lot of stuff, and get support when they're going through a difficult time, but I also know guys who have mates they share beers with, but digging too deep into what's going on inside is a big no no.

I know other guys who have female friends or a girlfriend who might fit this role.

As a female, I know I would be a wreck without having friends (male and female) to share my feelings with, and talk through more personal situations with, so I'm wondering, what do guys do?!

And what is the 'no man's land' for you and your mates? Or, if you feel like you can you go anywhere you like with your mates, how did you get there?

Personally, I have no problem to ring someone up when I need someone to talk to - and I have plenty of different people whom I ring and just rant.

I think with men talking about problems, it has a lot to do with trust - do you trust your friend enough not to judge you? You know, calling you a poof, or being asked to suck it in or toughen up.

@ Anna. I must say, I'm interested in the same thing as you. I know for me, my friends are like a life line for me when it comes to talking about all sorts of issues. I'm curious to know whether men have the same sorts of relationships with their mates, or if it is totally different for them!

I am the same as Ehon really. I have a few close friends that I can talk about anything with although I do also struggle to talk about some things... sometimes I'm not even sure why?

What do you guys do if you don't talk about your problems with your friends? Who do you talk to/what do you do instead?

For me, if I don't speak to my friends about my problems, then I start turning towards my professional supports. So, I use services like KHL, and talk to counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists etc. However, I know this isn't the same for many other young people. I have been fortunate enough to find support people who I know and trust. Others aren't always as lucky. So yeah.

I'm curious to know how other young people (both males and females) overcome issues when they feel like they can't talk to their friends.

I think this is where a big problem lies... young guys are in my experience pretty unlikely to seek 'professional' help for any of their problems... Am I right?

I think society makes it much more acceptable for girls to talk to their family and friends about their problems. It is also more common for them to seek professional help. I see this even in my own family. My sisters and I are constantly talking to each other about what is going on in our lives - both the good and bad stuff. My brother, on the other hand, hardly ever opens up and gets uncomfortable when we ask him about his feelings. My dad is the same way. I'm so curious, how do guys get their feelings out!??

Good question Libby! One without a simple answer but... as it always is :P

For me mainly talking to my mates and listening to music... occasionally I also keep a journal but always lose motivation to keep it going.

What about others?

Hey everyone :)

Apparently tonight is also about spaces where guys can and can't talk about things - eg the footy locker room might not be conducive to having a deep and meaningful chat, but after a couple of beers at the pub perhaps it is...or isn't it?

Also, in different cultures there can be different rules about what can and can't be said, and to whom.

Any experiences to share about this, or friends you know who face these issues?

:)

I agree with Nick about guys finding it hard to talk to professional - I think its not just professional but anyone, really. Trust to me, is very important, so its hard for me to find someone random and just talk.

And I think Libby, that IS a good question! :-)

Same as Nick, I talk to my mates - ask them out for beer or just ring them up or even via chat - or I sleep! Things always get better after a good night sleep (well, most of the time!!).

It is really interesting to read what everyone else has said today - it seems like the guys are saying that it is hard to speak about deep thoughts with professionals and sometimes friends.  As a girl, I think it can be hard to speak about these things also, but I can see that society puts a lot of (undue) pressure on men to behave in a specific fashion.

For me, the question is more why we have these perceptions when girls and guys are so similar on so many levels (and yes, so different on so many others also).  We are all human - we're all allowed to hurt and to cry as well as to rejoice and be happy.  It seems quite paradoxical that general perceptions limit the expression of emotions in many arenas.  Although, as it was discussed in yesterday's forum, it seems like these concepts are slowly changing and that seems like a good thing :)  The very fact that we have a Man Week is so positive.

One thing I have noticed about communication, though, is that it seems that guys are better at saying what they mean.  If it is something difficult to say, maybe it doesn't come out (which is sad) but if it is said, it tends to be out there rather than a riddle to work out.

Interesting point SamB and very true regarding communication. Wonder why that is really when guys traditionally don't communicate as openly (content wise) compared to girls.

I find a lot of my chats are over a couple of beers or just chilling at a mates place... that is just where we feel comfortable doing it I guess. How about others?

Don't forget to tune into JJJ at 5:30pm guys and then log into the forum or chat about it here.

Thanks for all your replies so far!

As a 6ft  4in Rugby playing male, people usually get this instant perseption of you, that you don't want to talk to anyone and that people should stay clear of you. I often find that even in situations where I catch someones eye and throw a smile out there, people often turn their heads. I am quite shy already and this doesn't do much for my confidence. I feel that manliness is not only physical apearance but, a characteristic, which I believe to be a good thing, but I feel there is a difference between manliness and being arrogant. I think it is hard for men to talk about their feeling with other men, I think this is a sort of a pride thing, like men don't want to let their guard down and seem weak. I find it very hard to talk about things.

the forums will be open for a bit longer here:

http://au.reachout.com/connect/forums/triplej-hack/01-07-09-day-3-no-mans-land-where-men-can-and-cant-go

@anna ... just wondering if there is a specific reason why the forums close. It seems these conversations could continue for quite some time - and be of use as and when it is needed.

This topic is super interesting - i was in the car listening to the topic on the radio today - i found my self driving just a little bit longer to listen to it all..

Hey guys -
Even though the forum is closed we can continue the discussion here.

I found it really interesting that Charlotte's mate didnt think talking about his problems would help. Whenever I talk to males in my family they seem to want to offer some type of solution. They dont realise that just talking about the problem makes me feel better. Is this purely from their social environment or could it maybe be part biological? Do females in all cultures talk more about feelings than males?

I've also noticed that boys talk more when they're doing something else like working on their car or watching a game.

Thanks for your thoughts Josh - interesting and I get what you mean. Do you think that restricts your opportunities to get help with any problems you may have?

Gavin - I believe it is due to the need for the forums to be moderated.

Libby - It's a hard question... I think probably more social then biological but that is purely speculative on my part.

Please keep up the good conversation guys, very interesting :)