ROdown Blog
How not to be a 'yes' man (or woman)
It was 11pm at night and I lay in bed, my chest heavy, breathing shallow and panic slowly rising. I flicked through thoughts trying to pin point the source of my anxiety; not one thing stuck.
One day, it became blatantly obvious: I’ve become a Yes woman.
Recognise this scenario? You’re at school or work full time (or both) by day, trying to save the world by night and on weekends, and taking advantage of every opportunity that comes your way. People are constantly telling you they don’t know how you do it; the truth is you don’t really know either. If this sounds familiar, you are a Yes person too - and I am writing this for you.
Even if you truly love everything you do, over committing can have a number of negative effects on your health and wellbeing. It can have an impact on your social life, lead to poor health or even burn you out totally! Burn out can occur when you push yourself just that little bit to far and your body retaliates – all of a sudden you might lose interest in the activities you used to enjoy, you might feel tired or unwell and unable to face school or work. Quite frankly, all that awesome stuff you do becomes a joyless exercise – and you can’t be a super hero if you’re all burnt out.
So I have a few tips for anyone who has been a Yes person like me, to take the control back and lead a life that is not only full of opportunities, but also full of happiness and less stress.
Make time for the things YOU enjoy. Trying to please everyone else is all well and good, but you are no good to anybody if you’re not looking after yourself. Take time to do physical activity that you like, to read books (those things with pages of exciting escapes in them - in case you’ve forgotten), rock out to a really great album or watch the entire Pirates of the Caribbean collection.
Cut down on alcohol (or cut it out). Alcohol might seem like a great way to de-stress or switch off, but it doesn’t really do anything to help the real problem. Even worse, it can make you feel horrible and low on energy the next day. If you need it, Hello Sunday Morning can give you some perspective and give you the break you need to learn how to deal with stressful situations properly, and to help you find time to be healthy.
Learn meditation or relaxation techniques. Not just for yogis or hippies! Meditation or relaxation techniques are about giving yourself time out to be calm and focus yourself. Some claimed benefits (on top of being the ultimate laid back person) are improved health and greater focus! You can learn more here.
Learn how to say no. Every body has a limit, even those who come across like Superman. It is amazing to have opportunities flooding in, but spreading yourself too thinly isn’t productive. Instead, do what you absolutely care about and take the time to do it well – it will be way more rewarding! Other opportunities will always be there when you seek them out later.
At the beginning, turning opportunities down is incredibly hard. However, once you have mastered the sentence “I would love to participate/organise/jump through hoops of fire, but unfortunately I have a lot on my plate right now” It becomes much easier to have a big impact AND stay happy.
So ask yourself - what do you do to ensure you are saying YES to yourself?
- Stress (Fact Sheet)
- Balance (Story)
- Are you super stressed? (Video)
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3 Comments
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dougsky
7 months ago
Reply ReportUgh - I know exactly what you mean Lauren! I've said 'yes' a lot recently and I'm really paying the price!
DarwinLoz
7 months ago
Reply ReportGeorgie, shameless plug away! I am excited that this came up on the forums because it is SO important, particularly at this time of year when on top of it all, a lot of people also have uni stress.
Thank you for sharing your experience and your tips on how you find that balance. I do many of those things too; go for a walk, take some pictures, read a book or write in my journal. These things can help just to get out of your own head for a minute!
Georgie-
7 months ago
Reply ReportThis is a great article with such an important message. I too am a Yes woman, and fit the description above perfectly! Last year, I got to a point where my inability to say 'no' to people eventually lead to a massive burn out, which then resulted in a whole lot of other mental health issues for me.