ROdown Blog
Overcoming jealousy
Jealousy is a normal emotion that everyone gets from time to time, especially when we’re in committed relationships. It is based on a lot of other feelings like insecurity and fear. Most of the time, jealous thoughts go away without doing any real damage. It is only when jealousy gets out of hand that it becomes harmful to a relationship. Jealousy can come from experiences such as a recent heartbreak or low self-esteem. Learning to overcome these feelings can be difficult.
Personally, I’ve found the way in which a person expresses jealousy can affect how a relationship functions. I am waitress at a bar and as part of my job, I am required to act in a friendly manner toward customers. My boyfriend at the time mistook this innocent behaviour as a suggestive flirting and I constantly had to defend myself from his accusations. Instead of talking to me about how he felt, he made quick assumptions and we fought as a result. When his jealousy got to the point where it interfered with the well-being of our relationship, I decided to seek advice from a friend and get her outside perspective on the situation. She suggested that my boyfriend and I sit down and write out a list of mutual guidelines to draw a clear line between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. She emphasised the idea of effective communication as a tool for managing his jealous thoughts. From this, my boyfriend was able to step back and reevaluate the situation from a different point of view. He became aware that he overreacted and I gradually saw changes in his behavior.
If you are feeling jealous, it might be helpful to get an opinion from someone who is uninvolved such as a friend, family member, or counsellor. That way, he or she will be able to offer advice on the situation without a biased outlook. It is important to know that jealousy should not be used as an excuse to treat your partner poorly. Instead, use jealousy as a signpost to what you are really worried or insecure about. It might also be useful to do some inward looking as a way to identify the reason behind these jealous feelings. Ask yourself why you feel this way and work toward reconsidering your thoughts before acting on them. Make sure to openly discuss concerns with your partner rather than bottling them up until they explode. When you are more comfortable and secure with yourself, you are less likely to develop a jealous attitude toward others, and will be happier as a result.
Get thinking! Check out some of our other resources on keeping your relationships positive:
Article by Lauren, Intern at ReachOut.com
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