ROdown Blog
Have the sex you Want
The only kind of sex you should be having is the kind of sex you WANT.
This week is Sexual Health Week, and the theme this year centres around consent in NSW and emergency contraception in South Australia.
Sex is one of those things that can be easy to talk about with some people in your life and difficult with others. But when it comes down to the time and place when it is most important, having and knowing your options makes all the difference.
Consent
One of the best ways to determine if someone is uncomfortable with any situation, especially with a sexual one, is to simply ask. Here are some examples of the questions you might ask:
- Is there anything that you don't want to do?
- Are you happy with this?
- Are you comfortable?
- Do you want to stop?
- Do you want to go further?
There are many ways of communicating. The look on someone's face and their body language is also a way of communicating and often has more meaning then the words that come out of their mouth. Here are some ways body language can let you know if the person you're with is not comfortable with what is happening:
- not responding to your touch
- pushing you away
- holding their arms tightly around their bodies
- turning away from you or hiding their face
- stiffening muscles.
For more info see the Body language fact sheet.
Everyone has the right to say 'no' and everyone has the right to change their mind at any time regardless of their past experiences with other people or the person they are with.
Taking your time, making sure you are both comfortable and talking about how far you want to go will make the time you spend together a lot more satisfying and enjoyable for both of you.
Sometimes things move very quickly. Below are some things you can say to slow things down if you feel that things are going too quickly.
- I don't want to go any further than kissing, hugging, touching.
- Can we stay like this for while?
- Can we slow down?
This may also be a good opportunity to bring up contraception and safe sex with the person you are with. See the fact sheets on Safe sex and Thinking about having sex for more info.
You always have the right to say 'no' and you always have the right to change your mind at any time regardless of your past experiences with other people or the person you are with. Below are some things you can say or do if you want to stop:
- no
- say 'I want to stop'
- say 'I need to go to the toilet'
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1 Comment
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Lemon
about 1 year ago
Reply ReportPersonally I'd say the best foolproof plan would be this.
Assume they're thinking about sex.
Hey maybe they're nicer than that and can see you don't want to yet, but that will be obvious and you'll feel more comfortable around them.
The rewards of a healthy sexual relationship with a partner is fantastic, where it plays a part in keeping the relationship exciting.
I can honestly say I wish I waited for what I have now.
Trust makes sex comfortable and I wasn't for a very long time even if I pretended I was okay with it all.
It's very easy to be persuaded into sex, it's just what everybody does.
But it doesn't mean they'll like you more, it was actually a shock to me that some people can have sex with you and never look at you or talk to you again. Just like that.
I know that might seem obvious to some, but it took me a while to make the wiser decisions.
Don't just have sex with someone you love, have sex with someone that loves you just as much!
Be careful who you trust with your body because it's a sacred and beautiful thing.
And one day you'll realize that and attract the kind of people you wanted to be attracting the whole time. :)