Always light at the end of the tunnel

When I was 7, my dad got a job overseas in a country I had never even heard of. I had to leave behind my childhood and move to a town that I didn't even speak the language.

It was tough starting school but soon after I settled in. It was a small school of only about 60 and I loved it there. I loved all my class mates and they all loved me!!

When I turned 13 my parents told me the news. I was moving back to Australia. I didn't want to leave!! This place was my home, not Australia! I didnt' know Australia, I didn't want to go!

We moved here and that's when I started to fall apart. I started Year 7 and I was never truely happy. I was bullied and teased but I still had a group of close friends who cared about me. But I never truly felt I belonged and I felt I wasn't meant to be here!

In year 8 I read a story in a magazine about a girl who self-harmed. I didn't think it was such a bad idea.

After that, whenever I was upset, or my parents were fighting, or my brother would fight with me, I went to my room and locked the door and self-harmed.

Year 9 was the worst year. It didn't start off too well with my cousin sexually abusing me while he visited us on holidays for a week. To this day, I have not told anybody. From then on, I went down hill. I didn't feel I could talk to somebody, I felt un-loved and that if I killed myself, no body would notice I was gone.

When I entered year 10, a friend noticed some old scars. She approached me and we started talking. She told me she had been self harming. From then on we were both supporting each other. I hated the fact that she was hurting herself, but the fact I was hurting myself didn't bother me.

Half way through year 10, things just got too tough. I didn't want to go on. I sent an e-mail to a close friend saying goodbye. That night I was planning on finishing my whole life. I had written notes to all the people I loved saying goodbye.

That night, a police man turned up at my door. My friend had called the police and shown them the e-mail. They had visited my school, spoken to my teachers and then came over to my house. That friend saved my life. I was hospitalized for 2 weeks.

That 2 weeks was so tough, but I came through though! I made it! With a lot of support from my friends. I am now seeing a counsellor and no longer harm myself every night. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I can't help.

But I'm getting there. I dont have a very supportive family but my friends have been amazing! My friends have always told me they care about me and they are always there for me. I have a friend who I know I can trust 100% and no matter what time of day or night it is, I know I can give her a call.

At first it was so hard to break the addiction, like people say about smoking. I looked all over the internet and found Reach Out where I found heaps of strategies to stop harming.

I tried lots of things like keeping a diary or listening to some happy music, sometimes it worked but other times it just didn't seem to help. That's when I found things like holding an ice cube and flicking myself with a rubberband helped.

And really slowly I stopped relying on pain to make me feel better. Its also great to know that there are heaps of other people out there and that I'm not the only one. I joined the Reach Out Forum which was great to read other peoples stories and to get some advice when I'm feeling down.

I can now honestly say that I'm proud of myself, even though its taken me 8 years to realize it!

All the teachers at school know so it's been great to have their support as well. I've learnt that no matter how tough things get, there is always the light at the end of tunnel...You just have to work towards it!