Being bisexual

What does it mean to be 'bisexual'

People (both men and women) usually describe themselves as bisexual when they find that they are physically, emotionally and sexually attracted to both men and women.

There are bisexual people in every country, culture and society. Many people report that they have bisexual feelings or experiences, but do not identify themselves as bisexual ('Bi'). Sometimes it is hard for people to stand up as bisexual because their society does not accept it. Other times people are just happy to explore their sexuality, but identify themselves as mainly heterosexual ('straight'), homosexual ('gay' or 'lesbian'), or have no label at all.

Being bisexual often causes feelings of isolation for some young men and women because they feel a lot of pressure to be heterosexual, or to be homosexual. Many people in society do not approve of bisexuality, and this often makes people scared to show their sexuality.

Remember, there is nothing 'wrong' with feeling, or being, bisexual. It is just a form of sexuality that unfortunately, many other people find hard to understand.

Why are some people bisexual?

There is no real explanation of why some people are bisexual, and some are not. Some researchers suggest that we are born with our sexual orientation. Others suggest that people become bisexual because of some childhood experiences. The main thing to remember is that being 'Bi' is not a disease or illness to be cured or fixed. It is part of the broad spectrum of human sexuality.

How do I know if I'm bisexual?

There is no easy answer to this question. You can't fill in a questionnaire or do a test that will give you a definite answer. You might be bisexual if you recognise that you have feelings of attraction for women and men at the same time, but this does not necessarily have to be at the same time or intensity. What is important is that you don't deny your feelings and that you take time, at your own pace, to explore your sexuality and what being bisexual might mean to you.

It is also important to remember that you are definitely not alone, and you don't have to deal with your questions or problems alone. Try talking to one of the confidential services listed below if you are feeling concerned. And if someone tells you that bisexuals are really confused, or that bisexuals do not exist, or that they can't help you, look for someone else to talk to who does understand and care.

How do I know if someone else is bisexual?

The short answer is that you probably won't know until someone tells you - you can't tell whether a man or woman or a transgendered person is bisexual just by looking at them. Bisexual people come in all shapes and sizes. You cannot tell a bisexual person by the gender of their partner or the friends they keep. It is important to remember that if you identify as bisexual, how you look is up to you, just the same as if you are heterosexual, gay or lesbian. How you dress and how you behave is about your personal identity, not a stereotype.

Bisexual relationships

For some, bisexual relationships can be more complicated than straight, gay or lesbian relationships. However, regardless of your sexuality, it is important to be open and honest with your partner/s, about feelings of attraction to other people. Like everyone else, bisexual people fall in love and form committed relationships. These may be with a man, a woman, a transgendered person, or with more than one person. There are no rules that bisexual people follow in relationships- everyone is free to make them up for themselves.

If you want more information

Call the Australian Bisexual Network on (07) 3857 2500 or toll free on 1800 653 223 (outside Brisbane), or check out the link to their website on the right hand side of this fact sheet.

Call the Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service in your state or territory:

ACT

Gay and Lesbian Telephone Help Referral and Outreach Bureau (THROB) - 02 6247 2726

QLD

Gay and Lesbian Welfare Association

(07) 3252 2997 (7-10pm)

Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527

Open Doors: 3 Julia St, Fortitude Valley, QLD 4006

Ph: (07) 3257 7660

Email: opendoors@opendoors.net.au

Provides drop in service for LGBTI youth (Wed 1:30-6:30pm, Friday 12:30 - 4:30pm), a reconnect (LGBTI homeless youth reconnection program), Young & Proud (18-24 peer mentoring program), Jelly Bean (>24 Trans & Gender Diverse Peer Mentoring Program), provide advocacy and limit food/personal hygiene products for LGBTI youth. 

SA

Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service

(08) 8422 8400 (Mon- Fri 7-10pm, Sat 2-5pm & 7-10pm)

Toll free (rural areas): 1800 182 233

NSW

Gay and Lesbian Line (02) 8594 9596

(5.30pm-10.30pm daily)

Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527

VIC

Gay and Lesbian Switchboard (03) 98278544

(6-10pm daily, Wed 2-10pm)

Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527

WA

Youthline (08) 9486 9855 (Tuesdays 1-4pm)

TAS

Gay and Lesbian Switchboard - 1800 184 527

These services are anonymous, and calls to a 1800 number do not appear on a phone bill. You can chat to someone about your feelings and they can answer many of your questions. They can also tell you about support groups and social functions.

Check the Internet for bisexual topics. Many groups have web sites and can provide you with some useful information.

Pick up a gay and lesbian newspaper. Every state has gay and lesbian newspapers that will tell you about what's on and how to access support and social groups for bisexuals. There are also national magazines available, some of which you can subscribe to.

Remember to talk to someone you trust. One of the best ways to deal with some of your issues is to talk them through, especially with someone who you know will understand you.

Thanks to Family Planning NSW for preparing this factsheet.

www.fpahealth.org.au