Being bisexual

Ankrit - sounds like you're feeling pretty confused, and you are asking some pretty big questions that are difficult to answer. Sexuality is a really complex part of our identity and can change over time. It's really impressive that you are seeking out information and options. Talking through some of these questions with someone you trust might help - is there anyone in your life you would feel comfortable talking to? If you want to talk to someone outside the situation, there is an organisation for men like you who are married but questioning their sexuality. You could try the Gay and Married Men's Association who are used to speaking with men in a similar situation to you, Freecall: 1800 804 617 

i have been married for 7 years and we have a daughter , for couple of years now i have been cheating her for men, even though i like her, love being with her ,but m not sexually attracted to her anymore, is it normal?? do other married man and women loose their interest   on their  partner after long terms..? and i remember i was also attracted to both sex when i was very young but i always prefer girls ,i thought  having sex with man was just an alternatives but i want my emotional relationship with only women . i go to gay saunas to have sex every now and then and gay clubs to pick boys but i don't find any emotional tie with them .m now very confused m i gay? bisexual ? or just an sex addict ? i don't have any answer and m ruining  my family life .. 

Hey NAY1304,

well i have been in a heterosexual relationship for 5 years and yep i have been feeling so confused because i also am really attracted to women and have have been with women and i thought that was just experimenting but im slowly finding out that no it wasn't just experimenting, i feel bad for my boyfriend because he doesn't  know about it. and how i have been feeling. im so confused i feel like i want to be with a girl now not a man so confused.  

Hey again Shy Sky,

Hi,

I told my parents that I am bisexual and both of their reactions and what they told me were great.
I was really nervous and scared of what they would think, but I am grateful now that I have told them.

It was a huge relief to tell my parents and it felt like a burden was being taken from my shoulders when I finally told them.

I told my step mum first and she said she accepts me and she will support me in whatever happens in my life and that she will support me whether I am attracted to men, women or both.

When I told my dad he said he will always be there for me and that my sexual orientation doesn't change the fact.

Both of my parents said that whoever I have a relationship, either a man or a woman, that as long as I am happy that's all that matters.

Thank you Gail for your kind words. I appreciate it.

Bye
Shy Sky

Hey shy sky,

In the last few months I have realised that I am bisexual and that I am attracted to people, no matter their gender.

I suppose that I have always known but I didn't accept myself untill a few months ago. I have always felt 'different' than my peers and now I guess I know why.

I knew my friend would be supportive so I  recently told them that I have feelings for both genders and they listened to me talk, they were very supportive and they told me they will always be there for me. Which is why I told my friend first. They are still very supportive towards me. =)

I know not everybody will be supportive and that I will encounter people that don't believe in bisexuality, but as long as I have my friends and family that's all that matters.

I haven't told anyone else apart from my friend and reachout, but I might tell my family. I don't know how that will go.

Good luck to anyone who is questioning their sexuality and to the people that have 'come out' as either gay, lesbian or bisexual I would just like to say that you are an inspiration to me.

Shy Sky =P

@Rasesh you make a really good point about sexuality being 'fluid'. It can be a confusing and complicated thing, but if we try and remember that there is no difinitive set of check boxes for your own sexuality, maybe it'll be a little easier to go with the flow and explore different things as they come along.

Remember too, that there are a lot of people out there who have been through many similar things, so don't be afraid to reach out and talk to them :) You guys have (clearly) already found this factsheet, but have a look at some of the stories that are on the webiste too.

hey i know i am definatly atracted to girls too. but laltey i have been thinking that maybe i am actually just lesbian. i only came out about being bi a few months ago.. already been in and came out of a bisexual relationship.. i am so confused

Hi Krystal - I find I am in a very similar situation - although I am 39 and I have no kids of my own . I have always felt that human sexuality is a fluid thing, that many of us cannot be pidgeon-holed or labelled and moreso that we fall in love or lust with people not only with bodies.

I have been with my (male) partner for many years yet it has taken for him to point out to me that I am 'bi'. Luckily he is totally supportive of me exploring this, but I don't know where to start... do I need to come out? If so, how and who to? What are people going to say, feel, do?

My only sexual attractions in the last few years have been women, and I recall having serious crushes on several girls at Uni. I have had a sexual experience only once with a woman, and it felt so 'normal'. I love womens' bodies, their shape, their smell - I used to love men's bodies but they leave me cold now. I guess I am only just coming out to myself and need to give it time - have made an appointment with a counsellor and I guess that's a start... right?

Just wanted to let you know you're not alone - and I don't think it's ever too late to be who you are - wishing you strength and courage for this strange journey we are on xx

you are right "I'm_ur_THRILLER!!!" it is hard to tell people the ur bi and even harder to tell you boyfriend but the sonner you do the better you will feel

hey krystal13, i'm the same as you. married, but no kids. My high school feelings for girls was 'shifted' by a molestation by a trusted family friend. My feelings for girls shifted as i blocked that incident out. I have dealt with the molestation, but the liking ofr girls just came flooding out 6 months ago with a girl. we liked each other but she walked away from me, because i was married. lucky for me, my husband is supportive, though i have yet to tell him i want a relationship with a woman as well.
somehow talking to my gay friends helps more, because it's not men I'm scared of, it's being with women. like many of the comments above, i'm just giving myself time and space to know myself.
there will never be a right comment when you try to 'out' yourself to friends,but choose them carefully. I probably have one family members who knows, one husband and 4 close friends. Half a dozen is all i need and for now, it'll have to do. As hard as it may seem, i feel this is me.
You need to be happy with yourself and remain being true to you.

I love sex with men, and i'm trying to control my urges with women... I will eventually pop the cherry with women, but for now, one day at a time....one moment at a time.

The emotions may just come knocking for no rhyme or reason, just manage it and move on hun.

What can i say? We're perfectly imperfect, unique and darn right awesome. :)

I'm so confused, for years I've felt myself hiding my feelings and making choices in life to assist in keeping how I really feel hidden.  I remember having many girls as friends when I was younger and from about the age of 13 I was aware of these feelings but hid them by dating boys.  Now at the age of 29 i can't keep hiding these feeling and I guess my confusion stems from the fact that I've been married and in many relationships with men I have 3 children yet still have these strong feelings towards women. Am I bi or lesbian? 
My story of coming out is very cliche, I'm sitting on the couch watching Oprah and seeing that there are others just like me and right then in that moment I decided to be true to myself and start being honest with me so I can be honest with others.  Really not sure how to go about it and who to tell first or how to tell them.  I am very worried about reactions from certain family/friends and my children; however I need to be true to me.
Any advise would be greatly appreciated!!
Thanks

a few months ago my boyfriend who i'd been seeing for 3 years told me he was bi. it was the hardest thing hes ever done. i'm straight myself, all i want is to love him for who he is, i dont care that hes bi. i'm not sure what i can do to support him. he wants to experience what its like to be with another guy etc. he's told me wanting guys is just a physical thing for him. i don't think i can support him enough to let him go experiment by himself while hes with me and i dont feel comfortable experiencing it with him. i can be a bit old fashioned and i want his commitment. a few weeks ago he left me so he could come to terms with his sexuality and experiment. i accepted that this was the best for both of us. we've done a lot more talking since we broke up and he still loves me and wants to be with me. i dont know what i should do. i really want to be with him, but i dont know how to support his sexuality in the long term? i dont want to get back together and turn full circle and end up in the same place of not being able to satisfy him and him leaving me again.
its such a complicated situation and i find it really difficult to understand what his bixesuality is going to involve? will he be happy with a woman for the rest of his life? or will i make him miserable if he cant experience all of his sexuality regularly?
i could really use some advice or just someone elses take on this, i can;t really talk to anyone else.
please and thank you

Hi there Zhengwenjie,

I am really sorry to hear that you are feeling bad about yourself and things you have done.  It is normal to become aware of sexual feelings when you are coming into puberty and start to feel different emotions too.  Sometimes it can be hard to figure out what we are feeling and why but it is important to remember that you have plenty of time to figure all of this stuff out.  You do not have to make any life long decisions about who you are or who you want to be right now.  These things take time to work out and it is important that you give yourself the this time.

It is really sad to hear that you are regretting some things you have done but maybe this just means that you were not emotional ready for the impact that this type of experimentation would have on you.  I strongly suggest that you take a look this section of our site: http://au.reachout.com/find/issues/sex-pregnancy/sex?kt=info It has heaps of info about what you might be feeling and why, as well as fact sheets that outline some things to keep in mind if you are deciding weather you think you are ready to have sex and lot's of info about how to keep yourself safe if you do decide you are ready to have sex. 

If you are confused about your sexuality then I recommend that you have a look at this fact sheet: http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/i-think-i-might-be-gay-lesbian-or-bisexual This section also has lot's of very cool personal stories written by other young people who have been through similar issues to you.  http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/somethings-changed, http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/bad-moments-dont-last-forever,

I really think that speaking to someone will help yoou with everything you are going through.  Speaking to someone will help you sort through your feelings, get things into perspective and release tension.  A professional will understand what you are going through and help you come up with srtategies to work through all of the emotions you are feeling.  This section of our site has heps of info about all of the differnet places and people you can go to for help, it's really worth a read: http://au.reachout.com/find/getting-help/who-can-help-you

If you feel like speaking to someone about everything you are going through I suggest you try kids help line who provide 100% confidential and anomynous web and email counselling for free at thier website here: http://www.kidshelp.com.au/teens/ or ehadspace who also do fee web an email counselling here: https://www.eheadspace.org.au/

We promise that you are not alone in this - you just need to connect with someone who will listen to you and help you with everything you are going through.

Keep reaching out
Roisin - RO Crew

Ok...I'm a student who is 11,Srry if i lie to this web
but there's a prob wth me sometimes i got the f***ing feeling but i cant do it on girls...Cause of age rite?So i was thinking like fking boys wont be a prob....n i did it........I HATE MYSELF but when i recall my past...I will start thinking again.(n some of my friends also wanted it....n even show me po**)
PLZ REplie me plz....

I've known I am bi-sexual for about half a year. I think I ma have always been, since I always found girls just as nice to look at as guys, which is something my older brothers teased me about alot as a younger kid. I'm only fourteen, but I'm sure I am Bi.
I can't come out to my family for fear they will hate me. They are all openly homophobic, and it hurts everytime they make a comment about that. My friends were asked by a teacher last year how many would leave a life time friend behind if they were gay or lesbian, and all but a forth said they would.
I hate having to hide who I am, but I'm scared that my family will go as far as to kick me out...

Dear Bella,

I just wanted to say that I agree with you whole heartedly. Before I realised that I am in fact bi, I thought of relationships the same way - that the physical is not nearly as important as the metaphysical and the emotional. Perhaps because of society's stipulations, somehow I've just never thought of gender as part of the physical, which seems extremely silly now, as it clearly is. I have just always assumed myself to be straight. It really is alarming - how much so-called social norms constrict our thinking and perspective of ourselves, and of the world.

Anyway, my point is really just that your theory that "we're all born bisexual, and if being 'straight' or 'gay' is just a result of the socialisation process" is completely plausible and logical to me.

All the best!

Dear Angus,

I've recently been going through the same realisations about my sexuality, except six years later in age... kudos for being self aware enough to actually grapple with this issue, I was obviously very slow on the uptake.

The point of me mentioning that is I think it might help to give yourself a little time. You don't have to decide your sexual orientation right now. It doesn't feel that way when you're young, but really, you do have time to explore your sexuality at your own pace. 

That's pretty much all I wanted to say. I'm a bit clueless myself really, but there is support and other bi people out there. It also sounds as though you're being bullied? Perhaps it would be helpful to seek help for that too?

I wish you the best of luck, and I'm sorry I can't be of more help.

My name is Angus (as you can see), I am 14 and male. I have no idea what sexuality I am, but am leaning towards bi. Its really hard being what i am only made harder, by societies views towards bi people. it like i am the only person on the planet that is like me. I know I'm not (I even have a brother who is gay), but i just can't shake the feeling. People keep calling me "f*g" and "gay" without realising and everyone of those comments is like a punch in the guts, but I can't tell them the truth for fear of 'persecution' if you will, by my own school and friends. Its so hard and depressing, and its just another thing for me to worry about. I went atheist purely because of this. I just tell people I have changed my views. There is no hotline, for youth in the list in QLD and I don't know what to do. Help?

I was surprised to find that a lot of short films on YouTube about bisexuality were of a depressing nature, considering the steriotypes that suggest it's all 'fun and games'. I would like to see more advice and positive stories to circulate, The current climate may scare some people who may be bi, or aggrivate others who know they are bi and want to learn more about what to expect. Some people really are totally fine about it, and just don't care at all whether you are bi or not. Those who matter don't mind, as AndrewT put it.

Hey k0rs0,

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with us :)

Have you ever used lifeline service finder? It's an online tool that allows you to serch for services in your local area by postcode and includes many support groups as well as other services.  Here is the link:http://www2.lifeline.org.au/service_finder/

If it dosent list the service you are looking for it will at least have details of organisations in your are who will be able to tell you.

All the best
Roisin - RO Crew

Wow, I Read All Of This And I Agree With Everything. I Recently Came Out As Being Bi-Sexual And I Feel A Releif Of Pressure Is Off Of Me. But At The Same Time I Always Have Been Getting The Constant " Are You Gay," Or "I Heard That You Were Gay Or Liked Boys And Girls." Its All A Little For Me To Handle At The Moment Thats Why I Came Here To Get Help And Though Im Only 15 Im Happy About My Sexualty And Proud To Be What I Call A "Free Communtiy Of My Kind".

Hi there, I'm wondering if anyone knows of any support groups based in WA. I've been trying to find help because I consider myself to be vulnerable at present and there is nothing here to support adult bisexuals.

We aren't very well understood, I am not the 'gay friend' and I am not in the least bit straight, I love personality, but the lack of understanding and/or resources here in WA is hurting me. :(

We growed-ups need support too, and it's so difficult to find...

Hey guys,

Hi AndrewT & CaitlinS, I'm the same. Since I was 15 I've known that I "like" people, regardless of whether they are male or female or otherwise. I really struggled with this. I'm 20 now and sometimes I still do. My straight friends either view me as gay, in a phase or undecided. My gay friends joke that I "will be gay", view me as a lesbian who is afraid to fully come out, or see me as a straight girl that is just messing around. I understand their hesitation to get involved with someone who might be just thrill-seeking but that isn't the case for me. It is difficult, it feels like I don't really fit anywhere. The most hurtful and frustrating is people who have said to me that they don't "believe" in bisexuality. That everyone has to make a choice. It is very depressing to face that total lack of understanding. All I can do is try to rise above it and accept myself as I am, I'll like who I like and what other people think of it doesn't matter. I'm not ashamed of who I am but there are still times that I doubt myself. It is good to know that I'm not alone in these feelings though :)

CaitlinS, I'm not a "monitor" on this website but i really feel for you. I've been taking a deeper look into bisexuality and peoples thoughts online.. and there are genuinely people out here who are comfortable that we are bisexual. Take a look at http://www.bi-nsw.org.au/ its a site that pulls together some bisexual information.. there isnt much out there.. the american sites have some more stuff. If i wanted someone to say something to me.. i would say this: Just keep being you and remember that you are special just because you are you. You BE you. don't hold back. be proud of who you are. Remember: "Those who mind, don't matter and those who matter, don't mind.". Maybe some of that might help you too. Good luck. Andrew.

Funny to know that I am actually bisexual... Never really thought of that. Among my friends there are some lesbians and it is considered pretty normal, so I don't feel bad about myself. But I do have friends who feel abnormal and lonely... We try to help them as much as we can! I think everyone has a right to love the way a person wants to, and there is no law against love... 

  I agree with Andrew, people will say "Oh yes, good, I'm here to support you'' but they don't really understand.
  I've recently come out to my closest friends, one of them being the girl I'm "crushing" on. She wasn't shocked, she said she always suspected I was "queer or into that sort of stuff" and then she treated me exactly as Andrew says, like an insane person in a psych ward.
  People insist on categorising us, as either straight or homosexual, they wont even consider there being a middle ground.
  I'm not ashamed of who I am, I'm proud of being brave enough to admit my sexuality, but it hurts when I'm let down by these people.