Being bisexual
What does it mean to be 'bisexual'
People (both men and women) usually describe themselves as bisexual when they find that they are physically, emotionally and sexually attracted to both men and women.
There are bisexual people in every country, culture and society. Many people report that they have bisexual feelings or experiences, but do not identify themselves as bisexual ('Bi'). Sometimes it is hard for people to stand up as bisexual because their society does not accept it. Other times people are just happy to explore their sexuality, but identify themselves as mainly heterosexual ('straight'), homosexual ('gay' or 'lesbian'), or have no label at all.
Being bisexual often causes feelings of isolation for some young men and women because they feel a lot of pressure to be heterosexual, or to be homosexual. Many people in society do not approve of bisexuality, and this often makes people scared to show their sexuality.
Remember, there is nothing 'wrong' with feeling, or being, bisexual. It is just a form of sexuality that unfortunately, many other people find hard to understand.
Why are some people bisexual?
There is no real explanation of why some people are bisexual, and some are not. Some researchers suggest that we are born with our sexual orientation. Others suggest that people become bisexual because of some childhood experiences. The main thing to remember is that being 'Bi' is not a disease or illness to be cured or fixed. It is part of the broad spectrum of human sexuality.
How do I know if I'm bisexual?
There is no easy answer to this question. You can't fill in a questionnaire or do a test that will give you a definite answer. You might be bisexual if you recognise that you have feelings of attraction for women and men at the same time, but this does not necessarily have to be at the same time or intensity. What is important is that you don't deny your feelings and that you take time, at your own pace, to explore your sexuality and what being bisexual might mean to you.
It is also important to remember that you are definitely not alone, and you don't have to deal with your questions or problems alone. Try talking to one of the confidential services listed below if you are feeling concerned. And if someone tells you that bisexuals are really confused, or that bisexuals do not exist, or that they can't help you, look for someone else to talk to who does understand and care.
How do I know if someone else is bisexual?
The short answer is that you probably won't know until someone tells you - you can't tell whether a man or woman or a transgendered person is bisexual just by looking at them. Bisexual people come in all shapes and sizes. You cannot tell a bisexual person by the gender of their partner or the friends they keep. It is important to remember that if you identify as bisexual, how you look is up to you, just the same as if you are heterosexual, gay or lesbian. How you dress and how you behave is about your personal identity, not a stereotype.
Bisexual relationships
For some, bisexual relationships can be more complicated than straight, gay or lesbian relationships. However, regardless of your sexuality, it is important to be open and honest with your partner/s, about feelings of attraction to other people. Like everyone else, bisexual people fall in love and form committed relationships. These may be with a man, a woman, a transgendered person, or with more than one person. There are no rules that bisexual people follow in relationships- everyone is free to make them up for themselves.
If you want more information
Call the Australian Bisexual Network on (07) 3857 2500 or toll free on 1800 653 223 (outside Brisbane), or check out the link to their website on the right hand side of this fact sheet.
Call the Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service in your state or territory:
ACT
Gay and Lesbian Telephone Help Referral and Outreach Bureau (THROB) - 02 6247 2726
QLD
Gay and Lesbian Welfare Association
(07) 3252 2997 (7-10pm)
Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527
Open Doors: 3 Julia St, Fortitude Valley, QLD 4006
Ph: (07) 3257 7660
Email: opendoors@opendoors.net.au
Provides drop in service for LGBTI youth (Wed 1:30-6:30pm, Friday 12:30 - 4:30pm), a reconnect (LGBTI homeless youth reconnection program), Young & Proud (18-24 peer mentoring program), Jelly Bean (>24 Trans & Gender Diverse Peer Mentoring Program), provide advocacy and limit food/personal hygiene products for LGBTI youth.
SA
Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service
(08) 8422 8400 (Mon- Fri 7-10pm, Sat 2-5pm & 7-10pm)
Toll free (rural areas): 1800 182 233
NSW
Gay and Lesbian Line (02) 8594 9596
(5.30pm-10.30pm daily)
Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527
VIC
Gay and Lesbian Switchboard (03) 98278544
(6-10pm daily, Wed 2-10pm)
Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527
WA
Youthline (08) 9486 9855 (Tuesdays 1-4pm)
TAS
Gay and Lesbian Switchboard - 1800 184 527
These services are anonymous, and calls to a 1800 number do not appear on a phone bill. You can chat to someone about your feelings and they can answer many of your questions. They can also tell you about support groups and social functions.
Check the Internet for bisexual topics. Many groups have web sites and can provide you with some useful information.
Pick up a gay and lesbian newspaper. Every state has gay and lesbian newspapers that will tell you about what's on and how to access support and social groups for bisexuals. There are also national magazines available, some of which you can subscribe to.
Remember to talk to someone you trust. One of the best ways to deal with some of your issues is to talk them through, especially with someone who you know will understand you.
Thanks to Family Planning NSW for preparing this factsheet.
Email this page
Not a member?
Join Reach Out to access a range of great member features.
Forgot your password?
11 Comments
Log in to join the conversation. Join Reach Out.
dalilaalirajah
4 months ago
Reply ReportSo many don't give validity to bisexuality, but it's so important to acknowledge where people are at, and not judge. When I first came out as bi I got a lot of people saying bisexuality doesn't exist instead of taking what I know I feel as what is true for me...
Edited by moderator 4 months ago
I'm_ur_THRILLER!!!
3 months ago
Reply ReportAndrewT
about 1 month ago
Reply ReportI feel like im the only one i know who is comfortable with the fact that im Bi. I know that i "like" girls. I also know that i "like" boys. my wording is that i am sexually attracted to people. Some people i am not attracted to.. others i am. Gender doesnt really come into it for me. I do have a lot of supportive friends.. but it seems that most people cater for one end of the spectrum or the other. I feel like Bisexuality falls into the "afterthought" of the gay community. So i feel pretty lost.
I know some people will say "oh you have some friends, great for you" but its not like that. I have friends who dont understand me, who treat me kindly like some sort of insane person in a psyc ward - patting my head and letting me know that its okay.
Im just really frustrated. Im lost and im scared and i hurt.
CaitlinS
about 1 month ago
Reply ReportI agree with Andrew, people will say "Oh yes, good, I'm here to support you'' but they don't really understand.
I've recently come out to my closest friends, one of them being the girl I'm "crushing" on. She wasn't shocked, she said she always suspected I was "queer or into that sort of stuff" and then she treated me exactly as Andrew says, like an insane person in a psych ward.
People insist on categorising us, as either straight or homosexual, they wont even consider there being a middle ground.
I'm not ashamed of who I am, I'm proud of being brave enough to admit my sexuality, but it hurts when I'm let down by these people.
Ayla
about 1 month ago
Reply ReportFunny to know that I am actually bisexual... Never really thought of that. Among my friends there are some lesbians and it is considered pretty normal, so I don't feel bad about myself. But I do have friends who feel abnormal and lonely... We try to help them as much as we can! I think everyone has a right to love the way a person wants to, and there is no law against love...
AndrewT
28 days ago
Reply ReportCaitlinS, I'm not a "monitor" on this website but i really feel for you. I've been taking a deeper look into bisexuality and peoples thoughts online.. and there are genuinely people out here who are comfortable that we are bisexual. Take a look at http://www.bi-nsw.org.au/ its a site that pulls together some bisexual information.. there isnt much out there.. the american sites have some more stuff. If i wanted someone to say something to me.. i would say this: Just keep being you and remember that you are special just because you are you. You BE you. don't hold back. be proud of who you are. Remember: "Those who mind, don't matter and those who matter, don't mind.". Maybe some of that might help you too. Good luck. Andrew.
Furby
25 days ago
Reply ReportHi AndrewT & CaitlinS, I'm the same. Since I was 15 I've known that I "like" people, regardless of whether they are male or female or otherwise. I really struggled with this. I'm 20 now and sometimes I still do. My straight friends either view me as gay, in a phase or undecided. My gay friends joke that I "will be gay", view me as a lesbian who is afraid to fully come out, or see me as a straight girl that is just messing around. I understand their hesitation to get involved with someone who might be just thrill-seeking but that isn't the case for me. It is difficult, it feels like I don't really fit anywhere. The most hurtful and frustrating is people who have said to me that they don't "believe" in bisexuality. That everyone has to make a choice. It is very depressing to face that total lack of understanding. All I can do is try to rise above it and accept myself as I am, I'll like who I like and what other people think of it doesn't matter. I'm not ashamed of who I am but there are still times that I doubt myself. It is good to know that I'm not alone in these feelings though :)
Bella - Community Builder
23 days ago
Reply ReportHey guys,
k0rs0
1 day ago
Reply ReportHi there, I'm wondering if anyone knows of any support groups based in WA. I've been trying to find help because I consider myself to be vulnerable at present and there is nothing here to support adult bisexuals.
We aren't very well understood, I am not the 'gay friend' and I am not in the least bit straight, I love personality, but the lack of understanding and/or resources here in WA is hurting me. :(
We growed-ups need support too, and it's so difficult to find...
JowellS.
about 15 hours ago
Reply ReportWow, I Read All Of This And I Agree With Everything. I Recently Came Out As Being Bi-Sexual And I Feel A Releif Of Pressure Is Off Of Me. But At The Same Time I Always Have Been Getting The Constant " Are You Gay," Or "I Heard That You Were Gay Or Liked Boys And Girls." Its All A Little For Me To Handle At The Moment Thats Why I Came Here To Get Help And Though Im Only 15 Im Happy About My Sexualty And Proud To Be What I Call A "Free Communtiy Of My Kind".
Roisin - RO Crew
about 14 hours ago
Reply ReportHey k0rs0,
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with us :)
Have you ever used lifeline service finder? It's an online tool that allows you to serch for services in your local area by postcode and includes many support groups as well as other services. Here is the link:http://www2.lifeline.org.au/service_finder/
If it dosent list the service you are looking for it will at least have details of organisations in your are who will be able to tell you.
All the best
Roisin - RO Crew