Being gay

What does it mean to be 'gay'

Men usually describe themselves as homosexual, or 'gay', when they find that they are physically, emotionally and sexually attracted to other men.

It is not uncommon for men to have had gay experiences and feelings as part of exploring their sexuality. However, for men who go on to identify as gay, there is a strong physical and emotional attraction to men that they don't usually feel for women.

This may cause feelings of isolation for young men because they feel a lot of pressure to be heterosexual, or 'straight'. Some people in society do not approve of homosexuality, and this may make people scared to show their sexuality.

There are gay men in every culture and in every country. Remember, there is nothing wrong with feeling or being gay. It is just a form of sexuality that unfortunately, some people find hard to understand.

Why are some men gay?

There is no real explanation of why some men are gay and some are not. It may be a result of genetic influences or because of social experiences or an interaction of the two. Some people recognise their attractions at an early age while others don't develop attractions until well into adulthood. For most young people however they begin to develop gay feelings and attractions during teenage years. The main thing to remember is that being gay is not a disease to be 'cured' or 'fixed'. It is part of the broad spectrum of human sexuality.

How do I know if I'm gay?

There is also no easy answer to this question. You can't fill in a questionnaire or do a test that will give you a definite answer. What is important is that you explore your sexuality in a way that makes you feel the most comfortable and safe and allow yourself time to understand what being gay might mean to you. It is also important to remember you don't have to deal with your questions or problems alone. Try talking to one of the confidential services listed below if you are feeling concerned.

How do I know if someone else is gay?

The short answer is that you probably won't know until someone tells you. Gay men come in all shapes and sizes. It is important that you don't judge others based on stereotypes. If you identify as gay, how you look is up to you, just the same as if you are heterosexual. How you dress and how you behave is about your personal identity, not a stereotype.

Gay relationships

In many respects, they are no different from heterosexual relationships. Like everyone else, gay men fall in love and form committed relationships. Within these relationships there are both good times and bad. There are no rules that gay relationships follow - everyone is free to make them up for themselves and how a relationship will end up depends on how the two people feel about each other not their sexual orientation.

If you want more information

Call the Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service in your state or territory:

ACT

Gay and Lesbian Telephone Help Referral and Outreach Bureau (THROB) - 02 6247 2726

QLD

Gay and Lesbian Welfare Association

(07) 3252 2997 (7-10pm)

Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527

SA

Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service

(08) 8422 8400 (Mon- Fri 7-10pm, Sat 2-5pm & 7-10pm)

Toll free (rural areas): 1800 182 233

NSW

Gay and Lesbian Line (02) 8594 9596

(5.30pm-10.30pm daily)

Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527

VIC

Gay and Lesbian Switchboard (03) 98278544

(6-10pm daily, Wed 2-10pm)

Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527

WA

Youthline (08) 9486 9855 (Tuesdays 1-4pm)

TAS

Gay and Lesbian Switchboard - 1800 184 527

These services are anonymous, and calls to a 1800 number do not appear on a phone bill. You can chat to someone about your feelings and they can answer many of your questions. They can also tell you about support groups and social functions.

Pick up a gay and lesbian newspaper. Every state has gay and lesbian newspapers that will tell you about what's on and how to access support and social groups. There are also national magazines available, some of which you can subscribe to.

Thanks to Family Planning NSW for preparing this factsheet.

www.fpahealth.org.au