Being lesbian
What does it mean to be 'lesbian'?
Women usually describe themselves as homosexual, or 'lesbian', when they find that they are physically, emotionally and sexually attracted to other women.
It is not uncommon for women to have had experiences and feelings with other women as part of exploring their sexuality. However, for women who go on to identify as lesbian, there is a usually a strong physical and emotional attraction to women that they don't usually feel for men.
There are lesbians in every culture and in every country. Remember, there is nothing 'wrong' with feeling, or being lesbian. It is just a form of sexuality that unfortunately, some people find hard to understand.
Why are some women lesbians?
There is no real explanation of why some women are lesbian, and some are not. It may be a result of genetic influences or because of social experiences or an interaction of the two. Some people recognise their attractions at an early age while others don't develop attractions until they are well into adulthood. For most young people, however, they begin to develop feelings and attractions to other women during teenage years. The main thing to remember is that being gay is not a disease to be 'cured' or 'fixed'. It is part of the broad spectrum of human sexuality.
How do I know if I'm lesbian?
There is no easy answer to this question. You can't fill in a questionnaire or do a test that will give you a definite answer. What is important is you explore your feelings and attractions in your own time, and at a pace that makes you feel safe and comfortable. It is also important to remember you don't have to deal with your questions or problems by yourself. Try talking to one of the confidential services listed below if you are feeling concerned.
How do I know if someone else is a lesbian?
You have probably met lesbians without even knowing it. Basically, you won't know until someone tells you. Lesbian women come in all shapes and sizes. It is important to remember that if you identify as lesbian, how you look is up to you, just the same as if you are heterosexual. How you dress and how you behave is about your personal identity, not a stereotype.
Lesbian relationships
In many respects they are not different from heterosexual relationships. Like everyone else, lesbian women fall in love and form committed relationships. Within these relationships there are both good times and bad. There are no rules that lesbian relationships follow - everyone is free to make them up for themselves and how a relationship will end up depends on how the two people feel about each other not their sexual orientation.
If you want more information:
Call the Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service in your state or territory:
ACT
Gay and Lesbian Telephone Help Referral and Outreach Bureau (THROB) - 02 6247 2726
QLD
Gay and Lesbian Welfare Association
(07) 3252 2997 (7-10pm)
Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527
SA
Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service
(08) 8422 8400 (Mon- Fri 7-10pm, Sat 2-5pm & 7-10pm)
Toll free (rural areas): 1800 182 233
NSW
Gay and Lesbian Line (02) 8594 9596
(5.30pm-10.30pm daily)
Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527
VIC
Gay and Lesbian Switchboard (03) 98278544
(6-10pm daily, Wed 2-10pm)
Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527
WA
Youthline (08) 9486 9855 (Tuesdays 1-4pm)
TAS
Gay and Lesbian Switchboard - 1800 184 527
These services are anonymous, and calls to a 1800 number do not appear on a phone bill. You can chat to someone about your feelings and they can answer many of your questions. They can also tell you about support groups and social functions.
Pick up a gay and lesbian newspaper. Every state has gay and lesbian newspapers that will tell you about what's on and how to access support and social groups. There are also national magazines available, some of which you can subscribe to.
Thanks to Family Planning NSW for preparing this factsheet.
Email this page
Not a member?
Join Reach Out to access a range of great member features.
Forgot your password?
11 Comments
Log in to join the conversation. Join Reach Out.
Tracie
12 months ago
Reply ReportWhy wont my parent accpet me for who i am being a lesbian. i feel left out at all family dinner and things we do together
Porcelain
12 months ago
Reply ReportHey Tracie,
Charlotte-RO Crew
12 months ago
Reply Report@Tracie - Welcome to RO!
I'm sorry to hear that your parents aren't being very accepting - that must make you feel pretty low.
Please take note of those numbers for counselling services in your local area + have a look at the links on the left hand side of the page for more info :)
It's the best idea to find support from people who know what you are going through - because you are not alone in feeling this way. Many groups have been set up for young people who are feeling disconnected from friends and family because of their sexuality - it would be fantastic to ask a counselling service (like the ones listed above or Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800) what support groups and centres are available in your local area.
Remember - you are not alone :)
Tracie
12 months ago
Reply ReportHey Laz,
Thanks for the advice, i have tryed to sit down with my parents and discuss everything, she wont seem to listen. I have moved out if home, because things just go heaps hard for me to cope with that and my passed. So today i wrote her a letter in hoping she will read it.
It just says that i havent changed who i was in the passed i am still the same person but just in a relationship and stuff.. do you think its agood idea.
Tracey
Porcelain
12 months ago
Reply Report@Trace, If you personally think it was something you needed to do from your heart, than absolutely.
Porcelain
12 months ago
Reply ReportPs: Check out the online forum too ... you should hop on there too and feel free to join in any discussion :)
impskip
11 months ago
Reply Reportim new and im lost. Where do i get help on my sexuality cause i'm struggling with it and its causing alot of anxiety.
Porcelain
9 months ago
Reply Report@impskip,
lyrica
7 months ago
Reply ReportI wish I actually knew what I was! I thought I was les, I thought I was bi, I thought I was les again, I have no idea!
I mean, okay, yes I like girls. But then on the other hand, I only seem to crush on guys. But now I seem to have no interest in guys, even though just a week ago I was quite happy with the idea of sex with them :O
dalilaalirajah
4 months ago
Reply ReportIt's so great that this resource is here... thank you so much!
Edited by moderator 4 months ago
Missy Random
2 months ago
Reply ReportWhat a very good resource!
It took me quite a while before I was content with who I was. For a long time I sensed something about me was different, and this was it. I noticed that I could make friends with guys, but I had no intention of taking it further than that.
When I was younger, I got the message that having a boyfriend meant you could be seen as a normal person, so I wanted one, not for love, because loving a guy felt alien to me. Soon, when I realised it wasn't what I wanted, I gave up. It took me a while before my repressed feelings towards women surfaced, and the idea of loving a woman felt more natural to me.
When I eventually came out to my parents, they said that it was OK and natural, and I believed them. However, I haven't told any of my friends yet. I'm too afraid. I currently have a thing for my guy friend's girlfriend, so I can't tell him, definitely. A few other of my friends are highly religious, so they dislike the idea of homosexuality, so that's out of the question. But I'm scared that if they find out, I'll be alone and alienated. I need to tell someone.