Being lesbian

What does it mean to be 'lesbian'?

Women usually describe themselves as homosexual, or 'lesbian', when they find that they are physically, emotionally and sexually attracted to other women.

It is not uncommon for women to have had experiences and feelings with other women as part of exploring their sexuality. However, for women who go on to identify as lesbian, there is a usually a strong physical and emotional attraction to women that they don't usually feel for men.

There are lesbians in every culture and in every country. Remember, there is nothing 'wrong' with feeling, or being lesbian. It is just a form of sexuality that unfortunately, some people find hard to understand.

Why are some women lesbians?

There is no real explanation of why some women are lesbian, and some are not. It may be a result of genetic influences or because of social experiences or an interaction of the two. Some people recognise their attractions at an early age while others don't develop attractions until they are well into adulthood. For most young people, however, they begin to develop feelings and attractions to other women during teenage years. The main thing to remember is that being gay is not a disease to be 'cured' or 'fixed'. It is part of the broad spectrum of human sexuality.

How do I know if I'm lesbian?

There is no easy answer to this question. You can't fill in a questionnaire or do a test that will give you a definite answer. What is important is you explore your feelings and attractions in your own time, and at a pace that makes you feel safe and comfortable. It is also important to remember you don't have to deal with your questions or problems by yourself. Try talking to one of the confidential services listed below if you are feeling concerned.

How do I know if someone else is a lesbian?

You have probably met lesbians without even knowing it. Basically, you won't know until someone tells you. Lesbian women come in all shapes and sizes. It is important to remember that if you identify as lesbian, how you look is up to you, just the same as if you are heterosexual. How you dress and how you behave is about your personal identity, not a stereotype.

Lesbian relationships

In many respects they are not different from heterosexual relationships. Like everyone else, lesbian women fall in love and form committed relationships. Within these relationships there are both good times and bad. There are no rules that lesbian relationships follow - everyone is free to make them up for themselves and how a relationship will end up depends on how the two people feel about each other not their sexual orientation.

If you want more information:

Call the Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service in your state or territory:

ACT

Gay and Lesbian Telephone Help Referral and Outreach Bureau (THROB) - 02 6247 2726

QLD

Gay and Lesbian Welfare Association

(07) 3252 2997 (7-10pm)

Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527

SA

Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service

(08) 8422 8400 (Mon- Fri 7-10pm, Sat 2-5pm & 7-10pm)

Toll free (rural areas): 1800 182 233

NSW

Gay and Lesbian Line (02) 8594 9596

(5.30pm-10.30pm daily)

Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527

VIC

Gay and Lesbian Switchboard (03) 98278544

(6-10pm daily, Wed 2-10pm)

Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527

WA

Youthline (08) 9486 9855 (Tuesdays 1-4pm)

TAS

Gay and Lesbian Switchboard - 1800 184 527

These services are anonymous, and calls to a 1800 number do not appear on a phone bill. You can chat to someone about your feelings and they can answer many of your questions. They can also tell you about support groups and social functions.

Pick up a gay and lesbian newspaper. Every state has gay and lesbian newspapers that will tell you about what's on and how to access support and social groups. There are also national magazines available, some of which you can subscribe to.

Thanks to Family Planning NSW for preparing this factsheet.

www.fpahealth.org.au