Being violent

What is violence?

Violence is any sort of behaviour that hurts someone or makes them feel afraid. There are different types of violence including:

• physical - being punched, tripped, kicked or having your belongings stolen or damaged - it might also include sexual abuse
• emotional - this is often unrecognised and can be very hurtful - some forms of emotional violence are making threats, speaking in a way that is frightening, putting you down, and emotional blackmail
• economic - having money and being able to make decisions about it is one means of being independent - if someone is controlling your money, keeping you financially dependent, or making you ask for money unreasonably, then this is a form of violence
• social - this may happen in conjunction with other forms - if someone is insulting you or teasing you in front of other people, keeping you isolated from family and friends, controlling what you do and where you go, then they are being violent and you may need to take some action
• spiritual - this violence is about not allowing you to have your own opinions about religion, cultural beliefs, and values.

Violence is NOT OK and nobody should have to put up with it. Being angry, confused or frustrated are all normal emotions and there are many non-violent ways that they can be expressed. If you are having trouble managing your anger you may want to check out the Anger fact sheet.

What triggers violence?

People may be violent for a range of reasons including:

• being angry, frustrated, or sad
• enforcing control over somebody
• having a history of violence in the family which may lead to it being an accepted way of handling situations
• being short tempered which may lead to you reacting to a situation with a violent action.

Drugs, alcohol and violence

Using drugs and alcohol increases the likelihood of acting in a violent way. If you are finding that you are being violent while drinking or taking drugs you may want to look at ways to better manage your drug and alcohol intake.

A drug and alcohol worker, a counsellor, or youth worker may be able to help you do this. See the Getting help section for more information on how they can help you.

Some ways to stop being violent

Deciding to do something about violence is a big step and it takes a lot of courage to admit you have to change your behaviour. The following are some suggestions that may help.

• Look at what makes you violent - to stop violence it may be useful to make a list of the things that trigger your violent behaviour. It may be a person, a situation, a mood, or drugs and alcohol. By knowing what triggers your violent behaviour you may be able to start to avoid these things or try to work out ways to deal with the situation.
• Ask yourself - who is affected by your violent behaviour? Does it hurt anyone physically or emotionally? Do you want to have safe and secure relationships, or do you want people to be scared of you? These questions may help you see the negative effects your violent behaviour can have on yourself and those who are close to you.
• Talk to someone - stopping violent behaviour is not always easy and having someone to support you may be helpful. You don't have to do it by yourself. A counsellor or youth worker may be helpful in looking for ways to help with your violent behaviour. See the Getting help section for more info about them.