Breaking up

You wake up, roll over and see they are not there next to you, and cry because it’s actually, really, over. You head to the bathroom to wash your face, see that there is only one toothbrush in the cup that used to hold two, and cry because it’s actually, really all over. And that’s all with in 5 minutes of waking up. You head to the kitchen to make breakfast, without thinking you’ve made two coffees and two bowls of cereal. Damn. Here it comes again. You cry because it’s actually, really all over. Having thrown the cereal across the room, and poured the coffee down the sink you break down again. ‘Am I ever going to be normal again?’ you ask yourself. ‘I’m going to be one of those sad cases who does nothing but cry for the rest of my life’.

Everyone has had that day. The day where your whole world crumbles into a miserable pile of pathetic shit all because a relationship has ended. That day where you don’t want to get out of bed or face the world, and yet at the same time you don’t want to be alone either.

When I split with my partner it felt like there was no longer any point going on, and that my best option was to stay in bed for the rest of my life. So I threw all his stuff in the next door neighbours skip, washed all my clothes, bed linen and towels that held his smell and then drank the contents of a bottle of whiskey he’d left behind. For a few minutes I felt good for having my ‘clean slate’, but then broke down in tears because I now had nothing left to remind me of him.

I took a few days off work, ate nothing but Tim Tams and toast and drank more red wine than I care to remember. One of my male friends spent hours sitting in my front room with me telling me not to give up hope, ‘you would make the perfect girlfriend for anyone smart enough to realise it- it’s not your fault he was a loser and couldn’t see it’. My girlfriends brought sappy films and yet more Tim Tams and wine, and handed me tissues while I curled up on the sofa and cried.

I believed what many people do- that my whole life was over. But after a few days the pain had dulled and I was less teary. I spent some time by myself doing things like writing down what I was feeling, and setting goals. I looked at what I wanted to achieve and hadn’t been able to do whilst in that relationship. And I tried to be kind to myself, instead of drinking myself to sleep- I watched a good film, and instead of throwing things across the house, I went to the gym and took out my anger on a punch bag. I even made time for ‘dates’ with myself after work and did things like have a massage, or have dinner at my favourite restaurant (and found that, instead of arguing with him about bills, I could actually enjoy my meal!).

Over time I found that I had not only settled into a new routine and lifestyle, but I was actually happy again! Yes it took time, and yes I will always hold a special place in my heart for him and what we shared, but life did move on. I learnt that life moved on faster and I coped better when I was kind to myself. The more I beat myself up and wallowed in self pity, the worse I felt. When I actually gave myself a break, and opened the window on my life to let in the fresh air, I realised that the world wasn’t quite so bad after all.

For more stuff on dealing with a break up, check out some of our fact sheets...

• RO Blog: Breaking up is hard to do(Blog)
• Communication fact sheets(Fact sheet)
• Moving On(Story)