Can't fix the problem? Developing coping strategies

Although problem solving usually helps us to find solutions, in some situations, in spite of our best efforts we still cannot fix the problem. For more information on problem solving check out the Problem solving fact sheet.

None of your strategies to solve the problem working?

If you have tried a number of strategies and none of them have worked, it may be time to focus on coping strategies. Coping strategies include learning to accept situations that are beyond our control, and finding ways to help us feel better in spite of the fact that the problem still exists.

Coping strategies

Coping strategies include things like:

• Challenging the self-talk which makes us feel bad (for more information check out the
Challenging negative self-talk fact sheet).
• Talking to people who can support you. For ideas about who you might talk to check out the Who can help you section).
• Using relaxation techniques to help you relax (check out the Relaxation fact sheet for more info).
• Distracting ourselves when we think about our problem too much.
• Getting involved in other enjoyable activities so that we don't focus exclusively on our problem.

Practise acceptance

As you might have seen in the Problem solving fact sheet, when we are faced with a difficult situation, an important question to ask is:

'What is the best thing I can do to resolve this problem?'

If there is anything we can do, it's important to work through the options, one step at a time. Sometimes however, we find ourselves in situations that we cannot change, no matter how much we would like things to be different.

For example, there isn't very much we can do about our height, our age, most of our physical features, or the family we were born into. There are also things that have happened in the past that we can't change: an essay or exam that we failed, an argument that we had with someone, our parents getting divorced or a close friend moving away. What has happened has happened, and we can't change the past.

The best way to deal with situations we can't change is to practice acceptance. This means accepting the way things are without insisting that they should be different, and deciding to get on with life in spite of the situation.

A good way to practice acceptance is to use the following statement:

How to practice acceptance

Tell yourself: This is how it is

NOT HOW IT:

• was
• might have been
• should have been.

NOT HOW I:

• want it to be
• hoped it would be
• planned it to be.

I ACCEPT THAT THIS IS HOW IT IS

And now I will get on with my life in a positive way. 

Try it out

Is there a situation that you don't like? If you can change it, try working through the eight steps in the Problem solving fact sheet towards finding a solution to your problem. If not, see how you go accepting the situation. What can you say to yourself to accept the situation? What sorts of things can you do to get on with your life in a positive way, in spite of the situation?

Remember that problems are a normal part of life, and that we usually feel better when we do something towards resolving our problems rather than just dwelling on them.

But, if you can't solve the problem, it is helpful to change the way you think about it - to practice acceptance, and move on with life in a positive way.

Let us know how you go.

Acknowledgement:

This fact sheet comes from:
Taking Charge! A Guide for Teenagers: Practical Ways to Overcome Stress, Hassles and Upsetting Emotions.
By: Dr Sarah Edelman and Louise Rémond
Foundation for Life Sciences (2005)
www.fls.org.au