Child abuse - how to get support

What is child abuse?

Child abuse is anything deliberately done to a child or young person that hurts them either physically, sexually or emotionally. It may happen only once, but it is usually something that takes place over time.

How does it happen?

There are different types of abuse:

Physical - Any physical injury to a child that does not occur by accident. This can be a lot of things including - hitting, beating, shaking, punching, biting, burning, or strangling.

Sexual - When a child is involved in anything sexual with an adult including: sexual intercourse, penetration, masturbation, voyeurism, and incest. You may want to check out the Sexual assault fact sheet for more information.

Emotional - When a child is not given enough love, nurturing, and security. This can mean bullying, being threatened, being made to feel guilty or ashamed, yelled at, being ignored, and being put down.

Neglect - When a child is not given what they need like not being given adequate food, hygiene, shelter, adult supervision, and not being given appropriate medical, emotional, and educational safety.

Why does it happen?

There are many reasons why adults and older people abuse children. Some of these include:

• To show themselves that they are powerful and in control of the situation (and their lives).
• They may have been abused as children themselves.
• A person who abuses children may not understand that a child has as much right to feel safe and secure as they do.
• They may think that it is okay to hurt children. This is NEVER true. It is never okay to hurt a child or young person.

What might you be feeling if you have been/or are being abused as a child or young person?

Blame and shame - You may feel as though you are to blame for the abuse or that if you had done something differently - like getting better grades at school or behaving better - the abuse wouldn't have happened. A child is never to blame.

Anger - You might feel angry at the person who abused you, the other people in your life who may not have kept you safe, and even yourself. It is appropriate to feel angry. Check out the Anger fact sheet for ideas on how to manage your anger.

Fear - Many survivors of abuse feel scared of the person who abused them and are scared of what will happen if they tell someone. As a result of your abuse you might be afraid of getting close to other people or showing your true feelings to those around you.

Sadness - You might feel upset about what has happened and the effects it has had on you. These feelings are completely understandable and normal.

Confused - It's often confusing being abused as a child, particularly if the adult who abuses you is someone who is close to you. It's hard to understand that the same person that you relied on for survival and who was supposed to look after you could also harm you.

Low self-esteem - Doubting, not believing or trusting yourself, feeling undeserving or unworthy. For tips on how to build and maintain self-esteem, check out the fact sheets on the right side of this page.

Nightmares/memories/flashbacks - Some events that happen in your life may trigger memories of past abuse. For example, going back to the house you lived in when you were young, or a certain smell or food, may trigger these memories of abuse.

You may also experience nightmares or flashbacks - which can almost be like reliving the abuse. It is important if you do experience these things to remind yourself that you are safe.

The abuse is not happening to you now, you have survived it and are going to be okay.

Denial - You may try to convince yourself that nothing happened.

Options for managing your feelings + reactions + where to find help + support

If you feel like you are not safe at the moment, there are steps you can take to ensure your safety. Check out the Assessing your safety fact sheet for more info.

Here are some other things that may help:

Talk to someone - It is important to tell someone you trust if you have been abused. It is not uncommon to have felt alone as a child.

Remember that there are people who you can talk to - a counsellor, psychologist, psychiatrist, trusted friend, or family member. For more info on how these people can help you check out the Who can help you section.

It may take time to find the right counsellor/help, and it may be difficult to talk about at first. However, with the right support, over time you will have a greater ability to move on, and things will get better.

Check out the Telling someone big news and First counsellor visit fact sheets for more info.

Learn to understand that it wasn't your fault - This will be hard, but you can do it! You may want to start by looking at other children who were your age when you were abused. Do they look as if they could protect themselves from a similar situation? Would you blame them if the same thing happened to them?

Talking to a counsellor and people you trust can also be helpful. See the previous section for more info.

Reading about child abuse - Reading can help you to gain an understanding for the reasons behind child abuse. It may make things clearer and also help you to realise that the abuse was more about the abuser than it was about you. You did nothing to make it happen.

Take care of yourself - Look after yourself now by eating well, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, doing the things you enjoy, and spending your time with people who make you feel safe.

Join a support group - This can be really helpful as it gives you a place to share your experiences and feelings with people who understand and care. For more info check out the Support groups fact sheet.

Express yourself - Everyone needs to let things out at some point. If you have been through a difficult time, like being abused as a child, you may find it difficult to let your feelings out, yet it is still important to do so.

There are many ways to express yourself and your feelings - through writing, talking, music, art, even sport.

For more info check out the Express yourself fact sheet.

The law

Recently, Australian law has changed the rights of children and young people relating to abuse within the courts. In the past, a child or young person was often obligated to retell their trauma multiple times in a courtroom and face lots of hard questions from people they didn't know.

However, it has been shown that this way of dealing with abuse can be just as traumatising as the actual abuse. So now, children and young people are able to give the evidence of abuse through a video without ever having to be in court.

Many survivors of abuse feel that too much time has passed in order for them to take action against their abuser. Whilst there are some time restrictions, abusers can often be charged years after the abuse. For more information check out how you can take action here.

Acknowledgement:

Advocates for Survivors of Child Abuse (ASCA)
www.asca.org.au