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Conflict with your parents

Clenched fists

Don't get along with your parents, guardians or carers? Often arguing and feel that they don't understand you? Are you asking yourself, 'why don't they see things the way I do'?

Everyone disagrees with each other sometimes and occasional tension or arguments are part of family life. However, ongoing arguments and tension can be stressful and overwhelming.

Some people lose their temper and become intentionally hurtful, aggressive or even violent. But there are ways to defuse conflict and help bring about a peaceful result, even if the final decision is compromise or agreeing to disagree.

What causes conflict with your parents, guardians or carers?

Common causes of conflict or arguments with parents, guardians or carers can include:

  • When your own opinions and values are different that that of your parents, guardians, carers or other family/community members.
  • Misunderstanding each other, jumping to the wrong conclusions, or lack of communication
  • Wanting more independence than they're willing to give you.
  • Feeling that you're being treated like a kid or having them not respect your right to privacy. 
  • Changes in the family caused by separation, divorce, a new baby, moving house or even moving from a new country.
  • Expectations and pressure: you might feel pressure or high expectations from them about your friends, career/job, exams and school, chores, or even your hairstyle, the clothes you wear, or the music you listen to.
  • Cultural expectations: if your parents, relatives, guardians or carers have grown up in another country or another generation they might have very different values and expectations to people in this country.
    For example, your parents might insist on you speaking their first (non-English) language, while people outside your family might bully you or call you names for not speaking English.

Other things to consider

Like you, your parents, guardians or carers might be worried and stressed out about other unrelated stuff, such as work, relationships or money, and that can affect other relationships and how they talk and act with you.

They can also feel pressure from expectations from their own parents, family and their community about 'being a good parent' (really!), especially if they grew up in a culture with different values and beliefs.

What you can do

Talk to someone outside the situation.

Getting a different perspective can help you understand why there is conflict and work out the things that you might be able to do to improve the situation. People you can talk to include a counsellor, friend, brother or sister, or teacher. Check out the Who can help you section for more info.

Count to 10 before responding.

It might sound silly, but walking away and counting to 10 can be a good way to cool off anger and avoid a response that could make the situation worse.

Get some space away from the situation

While not solving the problem it can be good to get some head space and avoid more arguments. This might include exercising or chilling out with your friends. 

Talking it Out

Sitting down and talking about the situation can seem pretty stressful and impossible. You might feel like you shouldn't have to take this step. However, it could ease the situation if they see you are taking a 'mature' step. It can also be a great way of sorting through issues and coming to an arrangement that works for all of you.

Some tips for talking to your parents, guardians or carers include:

  • Try and find a time when no one is angry, upset, stressed or tired and somewhere you can sit without being interrupted by the phone, TV or other people.
  • Be willing to compromise and have a number of options you're willing to accept.
  • Don't make it personal! Try and avoid being sarcastic and making personal comments, e.g. "you're an idiot" because even though it might make you feel better it isn't going to help the situation. It might be helpful to stick to "I feel" comments, e.g. "when you keep telling me I need to get high marks to get into uni, I feel really stressed and overwhelmed".
  • Be honest. If there's something they do which really pisses you off tell them (though keeping in mind the point above!). Maybe there's something that you can both do to ease the situation.
  • Listen to what they have to say and accept that their point of view may be as valid as yours (easier said than done!). They should try to do the same.
  • Once a compromise is agreed upon, stick to it - this might mean agreeing to stick to it for a set period before reassessing it to see if improvements are being made.  Write it down as a 'contract', if necessary, which is signed by all of you.
  • If talking to them seems impossible it can be helpful to send an email or write a letter, explaining how you feel. Another useful option is getting mediator or family counselling.

Agreeing to disagree

If you simply cannot find a way to compromise, you might find you have to 'agree to disagree'. Remember that you can have your own opinions, based on your own experience, beliefs and values - whether or not you accept your parents', guardians' or carers' views is up to you.

Violence + safety

If you being physically or sexually abused and feel unsafe, it's important you tell someone. This could be a counselor, the police or a friend.

Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 - it's free from a landline and won't show up on your home phone bill. Or try Lifeline 131 114 for the cost of a local call from a landline. Both services are anonymous and open 24/7.

Check out the fact sheet on Child abuse - how to get support for more info.

More information

Check out the fact sheets on the left side of the page

 

Acknowledgement

Thanks to NSW Transcultural Mental Health Centre and members of the Transcultural Youth Mental Health Network for preparing this factsheet.
 

  • This content was created by Reach Out Australia.
  • Last updated 21 Sep 10

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30 Comments (Page 1 of 2)

Antria

25 days ago

Reply Report

Hey youngfreak32, that sounds like a pretty full on situation. It seems like thing escalated for both yourself and your mum and got a bit out of hand. Do you know why it is that she had an issue with you asking for the $1 back? I think in situations like this, it can be helpful to use the advice in this factsheet  http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/more-tips-for-communicating-effectively it might even help to write down what you want to say, so that you can explain your perspective. If you can avoid blaming and pointing fingers, and talk about how you feel and what you need - this might help your mum to back down and potentially handle this in a more reasonable way. Let us know how you go - and if you want to chat about this some more, feel free to head over an join the forums http://forums.reachout.com/forum.php

youngfreak32

26 days ago

Reply Report

Hello, this is youngfreak32. Had a big argument with my mother, & subsequently my father approximately 1.5 hours ago. Early this morning(a Monday), I had purchased a return plane ticket from my home to Brisbane to see my second cousin(whom I consider my cousin)on my father’s credit card. Before you start to think it, I have his permission to do so, as long as I pay for it(which I always do). I already had about $100.00 on hand already, so I gave it to Dad, who told me to give it to my mother. I did that. Since I still had some money owing, I decided to go to the bank, & withdraw it(which I did). When I came home, I found I did not have a $1.00 coin to give her, so I gave her a $2.00 coin, & asked for $1.00 change out of it. She then said(I swear this is exact, & true), “I’m going to keep this $1.00 for your medication.” Mum goes to buy my medication(doctor prescribed)sometimes, & never asks to be paid for it. But if I go to get it, I pay. This was completely out of the blue, & said to her “just give me the bloody dollar, Mum.” Still she refused. I pointed out to her that they were firstly separate issues, secondly there was no prior arrangement that I would pay for these ones, & lastly if this was a court matter, she would lose spectacularly. “Ok then, you f***ing idiot, you just lost out big time. I am never going to pay for your bathroom things, or medication ever again. Got that?” I got pissed off at that, & repeated what I wanted, albeit more strongly worded. “Just give me the f***ing dollar, Mum; it’s got nothing to do with you.” I then ran to Dad’s room(where he was listening to the radio), & told him I wasn’t leaving the room until Mum had calmed down. Sadly, he agreed with her, but I pointed out I would be able to get the money off them anyhow(not by stealing, or anything criminal). In addition to this, I pointed out that if the reverse happened(i.e, I was them, & they were me in this situation, they would behave exactly as I am now). I sat in there for 15 minutes putting up with mum’s vile diatribe of “fat arse, idiot, f***ing moron,” et cetera. If there’s one thing I pride myself on, it’s my intelligence level(which for the record, is MENSA grade). I’ve been reading recently about how to deal with such parents in arguments, so I grabbed my earplugs, shoved them into my ears, & went out to the kitchen to get a coffee. At least I didn’t have to listen to all that verbal abuse. My reasoning on this is that they’re separate issues(the airfare, & the medication), & that if she wanted to talk about the medication, & payment about it, she could have done so either before going to get it, or once payment of the airfare was completed.

 

Oh, s**t, now she’s going through my trash bin, & looking at some books I bought recently. “That’s private property, Mum!” I’m thinking. Many a time have I caught her looking through the stuff in my bin. I may have thrown it out, but I don’t believe that gives her the licence to go through it. I also have a stinking headache from it as well(more so than my daily ones). Yes, I may receive disability support pension for my medication, but that again does not involve her. Oh, dear, I don’t know who is…well…not so much right, but what I should do next. What should I do next? Apart from seeing a counsellor, or psychologist, or go on one of the recommended websites.

SachRK

about 1 month ago

Reply Report

Thank you for a very prompt reply. The problem i am facing is that they do not want to compromise, i want to move out and i am of age but i don't have enough money, i am still at university so it is not an option yet, nor do i receive any youth allowance that can help me but my dad always thinks that i disrespect everyone in the house just because i do not agree with them at certain points? i am trying to agree and i always just say okay to what they say but now i think its enough, i cannot compromise my dreams and my wishes for them...i work but they even control my account so they don't even allow me to spend my own money!? and if i say something....again he starts off at me with all the crap. He was away working all these years and now suddenly he comes back and is trying to change us according to what he wants, but im already 18 and im not a bad kid, i don't party, don't drink don't smoke,dont spend money on anything.. studying exactly what he wants, still he complaints!! im 18 and i want to move out, is there a way for that? i really just wanna move out !!! reply ASAP please i cannot take my dad anymore...until he was here me,my mum and my sister all were so happy..after he came back its jsut been a disaster....

Cassie :)

about 1 month ago

Reply Report

Hey SachRK,


Conflict with parents is never fun and it's hard when there's a generation gap and culture differences. As a Chinese person growing up in Australia, I can relate to just how hard it can be when you grow up with Australian values all around you, yet your parents are still very traditional. Thy likely grew up in quite a different environment to us!

The fact sheet has some good suggestions on ways to communicate. Could you maybe sit them down at a good time and have a calm discussion about it? Or perhaps write them a letter explaining how you feel? Maybe you and your parents could meet each other halfway and come to a compromise? Maybe there are even older cousins or other relatives you could talk to who may be able to give you some suggestions?

If you're old enough, moving out is an option. If you're not yet of age, try to remember this is not forever and hopefully you can come to a resolution with your parents about this.

Take care,
Cassie

SachRK

about 1 month ago

Reply Report

Hello

I come from a very values driven family. My family is from india and am i, but i always have arguments with my father and mother about very minor things like the way i dress, when i should go out, how i should keep my room and how to always plan before studying. They do not consider me as an individual and want me to just follow their own values and in general way of life! I have completely different opinions and want to live life differently...such arguments are like couple of times each day and its very hectic and frustrating and i just feel like i should stay away in a hostel. But they don't agree on that either. I am not sure how i should approach them so that they let me stay in a hostel separately! They just declare what is right and wrong to me rather than me trying to do it and understand it myself, it makes me very dependent on others for their opinions before i want to do something. I love them and they love me too but there is this communication and generation gap that is just widening and they are not ready to accept the current modern views, i mean its fine its upto them to do it but they restrict me from doing it too! I feel im going into depression and never will be happy again now that my dad is home all the time and dictates what to do and stuff, i jsut don't know how to deal with them ! Would be great if someone replies ASAP with a good suggestions and were given above!

Sophie RO crew

about 1 month ago

Reply Report

Hi MeggyB,


No one should experience violence from a parent or a sibling. What you described below is much more than normal family conflict - it is wrong and it is against the law. More info here.

You sound like a really brave young person - it mustn't have been easy to share your experience here with us. You should be really proud of yourself for reaching out for support. There are options out there and people that can help you.

Call or log onto 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). You can speak to a counsellor through web chat or over the phone. It is really important that you speak to someone as soon as possible. You could also check out this page which will tell you about the services available in your state.

You have taken a really important step here - keep it up. Remember, no one deserves to experience violence and there is help out there for you.

MeggyB

about 1 month ago

Reply Report

I really need help. I am totally different from the rest of my family - My Brother and 2 sisters are all adults, who drink heavily, are extremely social, and do not have successful jobs/education, as well as my mother being an alcoholic (but refusing to admit it), who constantly leaves me home alone for a whole day, or several days at a time because of this, which I am normally fine with. I am the opposite of them, as I a rather awkward, I am not that social, I care INCREDIBLY about my education, I do not drink (my siblings started drinking and smoking when they were 13 and I am 16 now), and I am struggling to live with my family. My parents are separated, and due to my father being unable to live in a suitable lodging, or being able to support me, I live with my mother full time, as well as my brother living with us.


I have quite Serious Depression, where I was on the edge of suicide, and am taking anti-depressants for it, which I sometimes do not take regularly so my emotions can get all over the place. Due to being brought up with my mother hitting me when I did things wrong, even if it was an accident, as well as putting me down on every account she can get, I have grown a rather strong hatred to my mother.

I keep trying to tell myself "Only two more years until I can move out", but I just... can't handle it any more. Mum and I constantly fight, and I act like more of a mother to her than she does for me. Below is an example of what happened tonight:

I was watching a movie, and my mother was on the computer a few metres away, which isn't unusual since that is all she ever does. She played some music on quite loud, and I asked her to turn it down, which she refused. I told her I was watching a movie, and I couldn't hear, but she continuously refused, so I tried to trick her into it, "Mum, turn the music down or I will come over and turn it off" (Like I said, I am more a mum than she is), to which she replied "If you come over here and touch my computer, I will f***ing punch you", but I didn't take her bluff. I went over to the computer and gave her a final warning, which she repeated about punching me. I went to her computer and pressed the off button, and while I was holding it down so it would turn off, she grabbed me from behind, but I just shoved her off. She then grabbed onto my hair, and dragged me down, which caused me to fall, and effectively her too, with me fall on top of her. I yelled at her to let go of my hair, which she refused, so I grabbed onto her hair, and after squabbling for a bit, and me telling her to let go first and I would let go, since I knew she wouldn't let go if I did first. Eventually she let go, and so did I, and she started yelling at me about how I will not destroy her family, how she was going to kick me out, how no one in the family liked me, and how I would be living on the streets since my father didn't love me. I mouthed off to her as well because I hadn't taken my anti-depressants for a few days so I was all over the place emotions wise.

Another few factosr to take into consideration are the fact that she didn't believe I was depressed until diagnosed this year, even after she had read my diary about my suicidal thoughts 3 years ago (she laughed and mocked me about it), I was meant to go to a Psychologist at least 3 months ago, but she didn't book any appointments because she was too lazy, I missed half a year of school due to my depression and it causing me to not leave my bed, and I had recently been beat up in a similar manner by my sister when she visited us 2 months ago (She slapped me, punched me and grabbed my hair), which my Mother thought I should just get over when I didn't want to go near her by a few metres.

Please, I need help because I have no clue what to do. I have been living with this for years, but I am emotionally strained, and just can't take it any more.

Georgie-

3 months ago

Reply Report

Hey youngfreak32,


It sounds like this is a really horrible situation to be in, and it's really not okay for you to be treated like this. You have a right to feel safe in your home, and feel confident about venturing out too, and it sounds like this is really having an impact on you.

Do you have anyone that you could talk to about this? A counsellor or doctor, or another trusted adult? Verbal abuse is not okay, and you're right - it is very possible for it to have a negative impact on your mental health and wellbeing.

I would really encourage you to tell someone about what's going on, and there are heaps of people out there who are qualified to help in situations like this.

You could start by contacting Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) or chat to them online via their website.

Another good option could be 1800RESPECT. You can chat to them online too, and find out some more info at their website (1800respect.org.au).

You might also like to have a look at Relationships Australia (relationships.org.au) - there are some good resources and helplines listed on their website.

Have you checked out the Reach Out forums before? It's a safe space for young people to hang out, chat about getting through tough times, or just play some games :) We'd love to see you there! (Just click on the 'forum' tab at the top of the page)

Take care, and let us know how you get on. You've done an awesome thing by coming here to reach out for some help. It is the first step, and a really brave thing to do.

Georgie - Community Builder

youngfreak32

3 months ago

Reply Report

I am reaching out, and begging for help from someone...anyone. I am an only child at university, and have a mother who is verbally abusive towards me. At about 6:00pm, we have dinner. I got sidetracked on the computer today (a rarity), and didn't get to dinner until about now (8:15pm). At about 7:00pm mum started to blow her stack, calling me, and my father f***ing Asperger's(to clarify, I have social anxiety, NOT Asperger's(mum knows of it), f***ing s***, and saying that that is all due to dad's side of the family; to quote her, "you all run to your own f***ing agenda." She knows I like her cooking, and I do say so, and do have it.

I feel I'm constantly on the verge of crying about it, and the only place I can feel safe is my room, and mum even criticises me about being in my room. Sometime I can go for days without stepping outside the house, which could be sending me mad, but as I said before, I feel SAFE there. Granted, sometimes I give as good as my mum in the swearing department, but I'm working on that. Help me, I beg you, help me.

gphelps

3 months ago

Reply Report

Hey Understood? - Not,


It sounds like things are really sucky with your parents at the moment. Have you tried talking to them about how the way they're treating you makes you feel? You are absolutely not useless, regardless of what they're saying. Everyone has value and deserves to realise that and have that be acknowledged by others. It sounds like it could be worth talking to your parents about how you're experiencing things, because they might not realise. There's some good info on conflict with parents and communication that you might want to check out to help you think about the best way to approach talking to them. 

You've said that you need help - it's really important that you know that there are people out there that you can talk to about what's going on for you. Have you ever used a service like Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) or Lifeline (13 11 14)? They offer free, anonymous counselling with people who are trained and experienced in listening to people's struggles and how to help them find ways to overcome them. Kids Helpline and Lifeline also have online chat, and so does eheadspace. They can be really useful places to go if you're finding that you want to talk a bit more about what's going on with your parents (or about anything at all!) and they might be able to help you come up with some strategies to deal with your parents or to express your worries to them. Do you think you would consider using a service like that?

Take care - remember that you are important and deserve to feel loved and appreciated. Let us know how you go :)

Gail - Community Builder

Understood?-Not

3 months ago

Reply Report

My Parents are diving me mad, screaming shouting and calling me useless and just not giving me a break! its killing me inside and at times i get so mad....i need help, i always compare my friends parents toward them and they get angry, but the truth is they are CRAZY and NASTY and need to learn how to be correct parents.

nikki

6 months ago

Reply Report

Hi Chelsea,

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such scary stuff. It's great that you're on ReachOut.com looking for help.
It's really important that you find a way to get in contact with a professional. You deserve to be happy and get better and seeking help from a professional is very important.
Your school counsellor or a trusted teacher can help you with stuff like this.
If calling a helpline isn't an option, lifeline have online counselling http://www.lifeline.org.au/Find-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat/default.aspx
Please check it out.
If you're immediate danger please call 000.
Chelsea, as I said, you deserve to be happy, so it's really important that you find a professional to talk to.
Take care,

Nikki
On behalf of the ReachOut.com crew

chelsea hingston

6 months ago

Reply Report

i really want help, but i cant use the phone to call any help line and mum and dad wont let me talk to a counseller. i really want this all to stop. I want to die.

chelsea hingston

6 months ago

Reply Report

My parents and i constantly fight and argue, and it is starting to get more serious. I have never gotten along with my mum very well, my real father and her split up when i was only 3. I got diagnosed with depression about 4 monthsa ago, i started having horrible suicidal thoughts, and having really scary dreams. The docter said it was stress at home, but mum and dad knew it was more than that. About 1 month ago, i tried to kill myself, life had just gotten a hold of me, and everything got ontop of me. I am really confused, i need help. Is this normal for a 13 year-old to go  through?

Nicole94

6 months ago

Reply Report

My family don't understand what privacy means. They inrude on everything. I can't even be on facebook without them checking up on my profile and stalking it. I've told them continuously to stop and they keep doing it! It's gotten to the point where I've shut them out of everything in my life, I've lost trust, especially with my mum. I don't know what to do. I feel so lonely all the time, and its killing me. I shut myself out in my room because its the only place I feel safe. They want me to treat them with respect and say how disapointed they are with me. And I'm never good enough! I want to just runaway and then they might realise that I am who I am, I'm their daughter, and to start treating me like one!

Snuffle nose

10 months ago

Reply Report

Hello it's me again......with my recent hospitalization my parents  finally got the picture. My Dad saw that he had pushed me beyond my limits and mentally broke me. When there in the mental hospital whist dad and I was alone and my ma and friends were fussing about something else.

I said coldly to my dad, "Well I know you care for me and want make strong by testing and tempering me, but there is so much you can push a person......You can push my brother  further, he won't break as he can take it. Me my limits are not the same as my brothers.

You pushed me and found ,my limit, but you did not stop pushing me. For now you have broken me, I hope your happy now you know my limits....but you broke me as you did n't stop  at the limitations I had. I hope you put me all together again as you know I was once strong spirited daughter of yours....."

 and I turned away from him. Plus quietly sat in corner cuddling my toy octopus"legs"

Next I had sms on my phone: It was dad and he realized what had happened, and promised to change after that incident of me getting hospitalized because of mental illness. As he realized you can only push a mentally handicap person so far to progress in life. Before he/she has a relapse.

As now I am slowly picking the pieces , but I am heavily medicated. But now I am back to my old self. Like it or not, my has to accept that those phych medication [or drugs in their terms] is gonna part of me for quite sometime. As it used to keep me from blowing fuse over the most trivial  things.

Roisin - RO Crew

10 months ago

Reply Report

Hey thatgirl 05


I am sorry to hear that you don't get along with your parents.  Have you tried any of the tips in the fact sheet above?  We also have this great fact sheet on leaving home which has heaps of great info on where you can get support and all of the things you need to consider first:

If you feel like speaking to somebody about anything you may be going through you can call Kids helpline 0n 1800 55 1800.  They are really friendly and 100% anonymous and confidential.  They will be able to give you advise and put you in contact with services in your local area that will be able to help you.

 Keep reaching out
Roisin - RO Crew 

thatgirl 05

10 months ago

Reply Report

i am in that same situation, only 15, i dont get along with my parents and i want to move out, but what can we do ?

Roisin - RO Crew

11 months ago

Reply Report

Hey Scoutrageous,


I am sorry to hear about everything you have been through and sorry we don't have the content you are looking for. Thanks for bringing this issue to our attention I will flag this with our content team.

Scoutrageous

11 months ago

Reply Report

It's great there's so much info for teens on here, but there is nothing for people (like me) taking the constant abuse of an alcoholic parent. It seems there is a support site for everything but those directly affected by an adults drinking.

it doesn't fit into the category of abusive families, drinking, violence or anthing on this site or on the web.having an alcoholic parent is like having jackl and hyde in your living room.

it was a major contributor to my depression, anxiety and self harm..

Roisin - RO Crew

12 months ago

Reply Report

Hi there kiraxIsGod,
 
I am really sorry to hear about everything you are going through.  If you are feeling suicidal it is important that you keep your self safe.  Try to remember that thoughts about ending your life are just thoughts.  You do not have to act on them.  No matter how overwhelming or frequent these thoughts may be, it does not mean that you will always have these thoughts.  You have done a really good thing by coming on to ReachOut.com and asking for help.  It was really brave and the right thing to do but ou need to speak to someone who can help you with everything you are going through right now.
 
Talking to someone about everything you are going through will help you sort through your feelings, get things into perspective and release tension.  A professional will be able to help you come up with strategies to deal with your strong emotions in a healthier way.

A really great place to start is your local GP.  GPs are great because they are trained to deal with a wide range of issues and they can give you advice and refer you on to services in your local area that will be able to help you. Check out this fact sheet alwith heaps of great tips about visiting your GP. http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/local-doctor-or-general-practitioner-gp

Another really good service is your local headspace centre.  These centres are specially set up just for young people with lots of different and super friendly staff like doctors, counsellors ect.. all under one roof.  The services at headspace are free or very low cost all you have to do is pop in or give them a call to make an appointment.  You can find out heaps more info about head space, including where your nearest centre is and even take a virtual tour here at their website: http://www.headspace.org.au/
 
If you don't feel up to speaking to someone face to face why not try kids help line on 1800 55 1800.  These friendly specially trained counselors are happy to talk with you about any issue no matter how big or small it may seem.  You can call anytime of the night or day and all calls are free from a land line or payphone.  Calls to kids help line are also free from some mobile phone providers but not all, you can find out more on their website here: http://www.kidshelp.com.au/teens/

Both Kids help line and headspace provide free web and email counselling on thier websites.  Here are the links:  http://www.kidshelp.com.au/teens/, https://www.eheadspace.org.au/.

I also reccomend that you have a look at some of the fact sheets on RO.  This section has loads of really good info about how to find the best possible help to suit your individual needs: http://au.reachout.com/find/getting-help/who-can-help-you.  These  fact sheet on self harm and family break ups that you may find usefull: http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/family-break-up, http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/deliberate-self-harm.  ReachOut.com also has lot's of personal stories written by other young people who have been through similar things to you.  Check out this one: http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/my-green-box, http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/separation
 
If you do feel like you are in immediate danger of ending your life - Please call emergency services on 000 straight away

We promise that you’re not alone in this – you just need to connect with people who will , listen to you and help you with what you are going through.

Keep Reaching Out
 
Roisin (on behalf of the RO Crew)

KiraxIsxGod

12 months ago

Reply Report

My parents are divorced and I don't know who I can trust anymore. My Mum threatens suicide and guilt trips me, my father doesn't listen. Some days I self harm and others I consider suicide. The only thing that stops me is my friends, but I'm even losing them now. I'm really scared of what I might do if I get too mad or isolated.

Roisin - RO Crew

12 months ago

Reply Report

Hi there snuffle nose,
 
It sounds like you are going through a very tough time.  It must be very frustrating to feel like your parents don't understand you mental health issues. It sounds like getting your message across isn't always easy.  I suggest that you take a look at some of our fact sheet's on effective communication for tips on how to avoid conflict and resolve problems.  http://au.reachout.com/find/issues/family-friends-relationships/communication?kt=info
 
Another suggestion is to show your parents some of the content from site.  It has some great fact sheets with some very good explanations of different mental health difficulties and tips on how to support some one who has mental health difficulties: http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/understanding-mental-health-difficulties, http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/supporting-someone-with-a-mental-illness.
 
Speaking to somebody outside of the situation is a really great way to organise your thoughts, get things into perspective and release tension. This could be either a counsellor or a friend ect...
 
If you do feel like talking to somebody about anything you are going through, please call lifeline on 13 11 14.  They are super friendly and 100%anonymous and confidential.  They really are happy to talk abut any issue no matter how big or small it may seem and you can call anytime of the night or day for the price of a local call, so I hope you give them  a try :)
 
Keep reaching out
Roisin - RO Crew

Snuffle nose

12 months ago

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I am starting hate  my dad as he giving me hard time with time I blow a fuse. He does  it all the time and no one says anything as in a Chinese family the males are made rule the house!!!!!!!!!!!!!GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! (Mod edit-please see guidelines)

Snuffle nose

12 months ago

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I am handicapped young Asian, and I have elders [parents] that put unfair expectations on me. I haven't been mentally well and I am told to think good thoughts  and snap out off it.

They give the two ways 1.  Do it mentally and keep living or 2. Have drugs and they see me as very ill person who a zombie because of the medication! But to them they see it as drugs and I see red every time they say that!

Plus they are starting see me as a spotlit brat! Which I am NOT!!!!! They cannot understand it my mental illness which making things hard mood wise.. As I have been having anger outburst which is triggered by anything,  but to them. They see it as been naughty!

Oh they know everything  because they are my parents and lived with me for approx 30 odd years! So they think they do! To them I am never adult ,just a  grown up brat!

Oh my parents are nothing but armchair generals who knows nothing of how I feel in mood swings, or mental health , it's always them first and  me last!


Hate it I do!!!!!!! Stuff the Chinese culture if they elders always treat their handicapped family member like half rate citizens!!!!!!! Make the elders go though same rubbish I do, then they may change their sick attitude!!!

wafcam

over 1 year ago

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I don't like my parents, i don't know why but i find it really hard to be around them and if they enter the same room i'm in i feel uncomfortable so i usually leave but then they yell at me.

made of glass

over 1 year ago

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i have tried the 'walk away and count to ten' but everytime i do that my split up parents, they go off at me! then when i argue with my mum she walks off and counts to ten. huh?! she is such a hypocrite and i hate it! urg!!! why can't she just listen to me!!!! i'm afraid to call the kids helpline (i really should) so i can't alk to annyone...

Ophelia.L

over 1 year ago

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hi quietlittlenoone


Wow, my parents are the same. I'd probably go over my friends house or when I am at school - I would speak to a teacher to allow me use their phones at school or speak with a school counsellor (at school). You are safe there and no one can tell your parents. :)

----

quietlittlenoone

over 1 year ago

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what if your parents tell u, u need to be perfect but they won't let u talk, wont let u speak ur mind? how can u deal with that? how can u call the kids help line when ur phone is chipped by ur parents so they know where u are and they get a recording of every message to voice message that happens are they caring, over protective of have no sense of privacy?

Ophelia.L

over 2 years ago

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@Shyz-as


I agree no one is perfect, but I also agree with, 'every person is perfect at somethings'.

Don't let the negativity get to you, by so much. Try & focus on the present & work your way towards the future, because that's the only way we are going to get past all the bumpy stuff of our journey!

Take care,

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