Don't shut up

My name is Sarge, I’m an 18 year old guy and I suffer from depression.  I have been diagnosed for just over a year.

Life for me became something that I could no longer cope with, or face, with a clear mind. I have engaged in self-harm on and off since I started high school, thinking that if I just felt physical pain it would outweigh the mental pain. I also have a history of previous suicide attempts but OMG am I glad to still be here, dunno why I am glad yet, I just know I am.

My life growing up has been not your normal family situation, but whose are these days? My Dad wanted nothing to do with me and my mother suffers from many mental illnesses, thus my grandparents took me in when I was 3 years old, and since then I have been happily living with them. There have been hard times; seeing my mother be sick the way she is, and coping with her, but it’s something I have just grown up with and learnt to adapt to.

The last six months of Year 11 and the holidays in-between Year 11 and Year 12 were where things really started going downhill for me. I started drinking alcohol just to try and relax, I would drink before I went to school because I thought it would help. I stopped playing music and many other things and withdrew from everyone around me. A few of my teachers picked up on this and sent me to the counsellor who then sent me to the school psychologist.

Soon I discovered that I had the typical symptoms of depression. For a very long time through Year 12 I didn't believe it, I thought that “nah, that's not me”. I thought that I just had to prove to the rest of the world that I just had to be tough and “drink some concrete” as the saying goes; my mates at school reinforced that belief further. But when I got to the point that my marks had dropped dramatically and I was no longer engaged in classes, a particular teacher got really concerned and actually drove me to the doctor to get treatment.

From then on I started taking medication and, to start with, you don't think they really do anything, but if you stop taking them abruptly you realise just how quickly reality becomes distorted.

So if you’re reading this and life is shit, I want to say well done, because you’re taking steps to start making life better for yourself, or someone around you. My message to you is that if you suffer from depression, there is no point in trying to act macho and suck it up, it doesn't work and things just get worse. If your mate suffers from depression don't treat them like they're a leper, just be there to support them and try suggesting they also talk to their doctor, school counsellor, teacher, parents, or someone like that who can hook them up with some extra support.

For more info on how to cope with depression and anxiety, why not check out some more ReachOut.com fact sheets and stories...

• Depression (Fact sheet)
• Depression - types, causes and symptoms (Fact sheet)
• Wash, Rinse And Repeat (Story)