Empty black book

By: Young Person

'What is my pigeon, and why can't I catch it?'

A friend gave me a present when I was in hospital once- an empty black book and a black pen. It came with a little tag that said 'use it however you need to'.

The book, the pen and I took a trip to the park, where I sat under a tree and tried to work things out. I didn't understand how something could be completely mine to do with as I wanted.

I stared at the blank pages not wanting to spoil the perfect whiteness with anything less than mind blowingly profound. But I couldn't think of anything, let alone something profound. So I wrote my name on the first page and looked at it for a long time.

A toddler was trying to catch a pigeon with his hands near where I was sitting, but every time the boy got close the bird flew away. As I watched him I drew little pictures of the pigeon all over the page, then I drew the little boy trying to catch him. When the boy gave up on the pigeon and the game was over, I looked at what I'd drawn. I wondered why out of all the activity in the park that boy had held my attention for so long. 'What is my pigeon, and why can't I catch it?' I wrote and closed the book.

The book became like a journal of my life as in an in-patient. It helped me crystallise what I was feeling. I wrote and drew when I was happy, miserable, confused or excited. When I had a problem I couldn't talk about, I wrote about it. Sometimes I didn't need to talk after that, and sometimes it made me realise I really did need to talk to someone. Writing it was much better than bottling it up and ignoring it.

My book isn't beautiful, in fact I am probably one of the worst drawers in the world, but it didn't matter to me. And neither did the fact that most of what I wrote would not make sense to anyone else, because my book is for me.

Want to start your own black book and need some help with how to communicate your story? Have a read of some ReachOut links for a bit of inspiration...

• Communication - getting the message across(Fact sheet)
• Effective communication(Fact sheet)
• Get Involved - Guidelines for sharing your story(Story)