Family break-up
Understanding the situation
When a family breaks up, it may be difficult for those involved. Sometimes family break-ups happen after long periods of fighting and unhappiness. Sometimes they happen suddenly and it is hard to understand why there needs to be change at all.
As family relationships change there may be a lot of adjusting to do. Everyone affected will have their own feelings about what is happening. People may feel anything from upset to relieved. It is not uncommon to feel angry with the person who decided the family can no longer live together.
Changes in family relationships may cause parents to become distracted. They may be arguing and fighting more often and this may be interfering with their time with you. However, whatever is happening between your parents does not change the way they feel about you.
Often a family break up means moving back and forth between your Mum's and Dad's place. Having to spread your clothes, music and time between two places may be hard. It is not uncommon to want to stay in one place to catch up with friends or just to have the space you are used to.
Making sense of a family break-up
Adjusting to changes in a family's relationship structure may take a long while and a lot of negotiation. If you are affected by a family break-up there are some things you can do to try to make sense of it all.
Sometimes you may need someone from outside the family to help everyone talk about what is happening. You may also need to think about when is a good time to ask questions about what is happening. If someone is extremely upset or emotional it might be best to wait until you are both calm. Some things you may want to do to help you:
- Ask your parent or parents to explain why they have decided to stop living together.
- Let your parents know who you would prefer to live with.
- Ask them not to talk to you about their problems with each other.
- Try to maintain your relationship with both of them separately.
- Talk to other family members about how you feel.
- Ask to talk to someone outside the situation like a school counsellor or a family court counsellor.
More information
You may want to check out some of the other fact sheets on the left side of the page and go through to the Who can help you section for more info.
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3 Comments
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Anara
9 months ago
Reply ReportI'm 17 my brother is 13 and my sister is 4. my parent broked up last year. at first i was upset nd then i was relived because before they had brokin up i was baseikly the 'mum' around the house.nd then about a week lateer i found out that my mum had a affer with a 'family friend' for about a year nd a harf, that crushed me. i was so angery at my mum for betraying us like that nd i was realy angery at the 'family friend' as he came into my family and distroyed it his i couldnt belive that they could have the guts 2 sleep at night. it got worse as my rent started 2 realy fight, about us kids and were were going 2 live.
i was going 2 run away, untill my dad sead that he was moving back 2 qld nd that us kids could come if we wanted 2. as that was the place that i was going to go to i put up my hand, so did the rest of my sibalings. so we all had 2 say goodby to our alsome friends, that was realy hard because 1 of then had just died.
wen we arived at qld home i thought it wounld get better, but it didn't. 3 days after we moved in dads best friend hunged himself and that realy hart us. i started a new skol nd rthat was hard as i didnt want 2 make friends as i was antisocal. but i made alsomr friends after.
as the year go's on my mum got pegnet with her bf and dad is reling on me with the centerlink muni. im just sick of my rent useing me and im never happy any more. plz help i want to be happy again like wen i was a kid. Plz help!
Roisin - RO Crew
about 1 year ago
Reply ReportHi there Roddels,
You are not wasting anybodys time, What you are going through is one of the most difficult things anyone can go through and you are showing yourself to be very strong and brave by comming on here and looking for help.
It is pefectly normal to be ovewhelmed with what you are gping through. Try to remember that it will take time to come to terms with what is going on and you making time out to look after yourself is vitally important too.
If you would like to speak to someone about what you are going through, why not try kids help line on 1800 55 1800. They are really freindly and will be able to help you sort through your feelings, get things into perspective and release tension. You can call anytime of the night or day free from a land line or payphone and all calls are 100% confidetial and anomynous. I hope you will give them a try :)
We also have stories and stuff written by other young people who have been through similar things to you. Here is one such stroy written by a young person about how they got through thier family break up:
http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/separation
I hope that some of this info helps you and we promise that you are not alone in this- you just need to connect with people who will listen to you and help you with what you are going through.
Keep reaching out
Roisin - RO Crew
Roddels
over 1 year ago
Reply Reportsadly trying 2 tell them which one you would rather live with is not that easy
nd sometimes u cant even choose
lukily im in grade 12 nd graduating in about 4 weeks
thats if im even able 2 survive the weeks
nd i m not suicidle im jsut screwed 2 the max cause of a mixture of crud that is happening nd yeah
sorry 4 wasting ur time with all this