Family break-up

Understanding the situation

When a family breaks up, it may be difficult for those involved. Sometimes family break-ups happen after long periods of fighting and unhappiness. Sometimes they happen suddenly and it is hard to understand why there needs to be change at all.

As family relationships change there may be a lot of adjusting to do. Everyone affected will have their own feelings about what is happening. People may feel anything from upset to relieved. It is not uncommon to feel angry with the person who decided the family can no longer live together.

Changes in family relationships may cause parents to become distracted. They may be arguing and fighting more often and this may be interfering with their time with you. However, whatever is happening between your parents does not change the way they feel about you.

Often a family break up means moving back and forth between your Mum's and Dad's place. Having to spread your clothes, music and time between two places may be hard. It is not uncommon to want to stay in one place to catch up with friends or just to have the space you are used to.

Making sense of a family break-up

Adjusting to changes in a family's relationship structure may take a long while and a lot of negotiation. If you are affected by a family break-up there are some things you can do to try to make sense of it all.

Sometimes you may need someone from outside the family to help everyone talk about what is happening. You may also need to think about when is a good time to ask questions about what is happening. If someone is extremely upset or emotional it might be best to wait until you are both calm. Some things you may want to do to help you:

• Ask your parent or parents to explain why they have decided to stop living together.
• Let your parents know who you would prefer to live with.
• Ask them not to talk to you about their problems with each other.
• Try to maintain your relationship with both of them separately.
• Talk to other family members about how you feel.
• Ask to talk to someone outside the situation like a school counsellor or a family court counsellor.

More information

You may want to check out some of the other fact sheets on the left side of the page and go through to the Who can help you section for more info.