Helping a friend with a chronic illness

A chronic illness is a medical condition that will last a long time or may even be permanent. There's lots of different illnesses that can be classed as chronic.

These can include:

• arthritis
• diabetes
• cystic fibrosis
• cancer
• epilepsy
• chronic fatigue syndrome

How do chronic illnesses work?

Some chronic illnesses, although they may be permanent, vary in severity over time. Sometimes they get worse over time (degenerative conditions), sometimes they improve (as a result of treatment or just the illness running its course) and sometimes they remain stable. Many chronic illnesses lie dormant and then raise their head in an "acute episode" (when the condition temporarily flares up and becomes more severe).

How do I talk about it?

People with chronic illnesses often feel isolated, both mentally ("Am I the ONLY one going through this?") and physically (when they can't always head out with friends etc). If your friend is happy to chat about their condition (and you're comfortable with it) it may be worthwhile to find out:

• What restrictions their condition might put on them (some chronic illnesses can be quite limiting in a physical sense...so a group trek through Nepal might not be the best way to pass a week in the holidays). Have a chat to your friend and find out what works for them...they know their body best.
• What you can do to help (particularly in those 'acute episodes' mentioned above).

What if they don't want to talk about it?

If your friend doesn't want to chat about things (and if they've just spent the past three days in hospital talking about nothing else, there's a chance they may not be in the mood), just letting them know that you're willing to listen can make a huge difference (knowing there's someone with an open ear to listen goes a long way in curing that feeling of isolation). If they don't feel like chatting, you could do some of your own research to find out more about their illness (the internet can be a great place to start). It's important to remember that everyone's case is different though.

A few things to understand about chronic illness

Chronic illness can mean your friend has chronic pain and has to make adjustments to many aspects of their life. The following might help you understand what they're going through: 

• Illness can often affect a person's mobility or independence and that this is often a huge adjustment for a young person to make.
• Bad days really suck and the frustration can sometimes be overwhelming and people aren't as patient/relaxed as they usually are.
• Illnesses don't always make sense. On Monday your friend may be fine, and by Tuesday they could be in tears with pain. "Flare ups" can start in a matter of minutes (eg. Asthma attacks)...or may come on over days and so plans may need adjusting / postponing. Flare ups are often difficult to predict.
• If they seem to disappear off the social radar for a while, it may just be that they're not feeling well at the time and not that they don't want to catch up / go out. 
• No two people are the same even if suffering with the same condition. Don't assume that your Nana's arthritis is the same as the arthritis that knocks your surfing pal around.
• They are still the same person. Illness doesn't define a person.

Looking after you

Remember, while it's great to be there for your friend, look after yourself too. If the situation gets you down reach out to someone and talk to someone. Check out the Who can help you section.