Housemates - all you need to know

Moving in with others can be great fun and offers the option to save money and make new friends. But it can also be a challenging experience, especially if you don't get along with other housemates. This fact sheet will give you a few tips about how to choose a housemate and then how to get along with them.

Choosing a housemate

Before you choose to live with someone, it might be helpful to think about who you want to live; think about habits you can tolerate, and habits you cannot. Here are a few examples you might want to think about:

• Messy or neat?
• Meat-eaters or vegetarians?
• Smokers or non-smokers?
• Drinkers, drug takers?
• Morning or night people?
• Political orientation?
• Religious orientation?
• Cultural background?
• Pets?

It might be a good idea to get to know your potential housemates a bit before living with them. For example, invite them to a party, go for a coffee or a drink and give yourself the time you need to find a matching person. It might help to have a friend with you that knows you and your habits really well, to get a second opinion. Think about a set of questions to ask to make sure they're what you're looking for.

Expectations - someone new joining your house

If you have chosen a house or your housemates, it might be helpful to have a formal discussion before you start living together, covering each person's expectations about various household issues including:

Cleaning - creating a plan might be a good idea to make sure everybody does their part and make sure there's a shared agreement on hygiene. Is it OK to leave your dishes in the sink for 3 days, or do you want good kitchen karma?

Sharing food or other stuff - you need to decide if you want to have a cash kitty or a house book to pay for food in general or simply for shared things e.g. butter, cleaners, toilet paper. It's might also be helpful to have an understanding of what food is 'common' and what is not, and what the arrangement is if someone eats someone else's food (e.g. leave a note and replace within two days, no eating of other people's food etc). A labeling system might also be helpful where you write down on a sticker whose food it is (if not common) and what day it went in the fridge - this helps the fridge stay clean too.

Visitors or partners - different people can have different ideas about what is acceptable in terms of how often visitors and/or partners are around, so it's useful to discuss these details in advance. It might also be useful to have discussions about issues such as whether or not others can have their own key, and whether or not the partner contributes money towards utilities or food if they're over a lot of the time, and what amount of warning (if any) is acceptable when visitors or partners are coming over.

Reasonable noise levels - he likes loud heavy metal, you like quiet classical - is that going to work for you?

How and when will the rent be paid? - depending on the landlord, it may be cash, bank or direct debit and it could be weekly, fortnightly or monthly.

It might be a good idea to put the agreed matters on paper in plain English and stick them to an often used place (e.g. fridge) to remind everyone.

Getting someone new in your established house

If you have chosen a new flatmate, everyone should agree that that's who they want in the house or it might cause friction. Be mindful that everyone in the house has already known each other for some time so it's important to make an effort to include the new housemates in routines.

Joining an established house?

If you are thinking about joining an established household, make sure you get informed about their "rules", the people have already lived with each other for a time, so they will have figured out what the best for them is. Decide if you can adapt to their rules or talk to them about possible changes.

Communicate any problems early

If there are any problems, object early. Waiting for a long time might give the impression that you don't mind. It might also be a stressful situation for you, and create problems between you and your housemates.

If someone is breaking the rules point it out straight away; maybe the person had a good reason to do so, or hadn't realised. You live together; you need effective communication with each other and be honest.

It might be a good idea to establish a monthly or weekly house meeting to talk about important matters - maybe you can cook together to have it in a relaxed atmosphere. Make sure you find a day where everyone is available.

If things don't work out

If things don't work and you need your housemate(s) to move out it might become difficult. There are different statuses you and your housemates can have depending on the contract you have with each other.

Please check that with you local Tenants Union or your landlord, they will be able to give you the information you need to solve the problem. In general you can't decide on your own that your housemates should move out.

It might be the best idea to talk to each other. You can go to a CJC (Community Justice Centre; check the yellow pages to find one close to you) for free help. These organisations provide mediation service for people in dispute.

You and your housemates will be able to discuss the problem in the presence of a mediator, who will then help you come to a resolution. Both parties have to be willing to participate in order for mediation to work, but if housemates want to keep the house together there's a good chance you will be able to find a solution.

Acknowledgement:
 
How to do Everything (you avoided while living with the folks)—a guide for young adults moving out of home.
By P Eugene Le Grelier 2005