If your friend threatens to commit suicide or take their own life

Do you need help for your friend now?

If you need help now please call Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 or Lifeline on 13 11 14. If your friend is in immediate danger please call 000. For more information read the Emergency help section.

If your friend tells you they are feeling suicidal or that they want to end their life, take it seriously. Hearing this might make you feel overwhelmed or worried, especially if your friend is very upset or angry.

However, if someone talks about wanting to commit suicide, the positive thing is that they are not keeping it to themselves; by telling someone they are most likely reaching out for help for themselves.

Suggestions for helping your friend who is suicidal

There are things you can do to support and help your friend if they threaten to commit suicide.

Don't keep it a secret that they are suicidal

Secrets can be dangerous if your friend is going to get hurt or die. It is important to tell someone who can help you and can help your friend keep safe.

Your friend may have asked you to keep it a secret or made you promise not to tell anyone. This is could be because they are frightened of what might happen if someone else knew. It is very important that you do tell someone - even if you have promised your friend that you would keep it a secret.

Your friend might get mad at you - but it's better that they are alive and well.

The situation puts a lot of pressure on you - so the best thing to do is to talk to a counsellor, teacher, or doctor.

Another option is to call a helpline such as Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800.

Encourage your friend to seek help

It's important your friend seeks help from a counsellor, psychologist, youth worker, teacher or doctor, or one of the helplines mentioned above.

Although it might seem hard, these people have training to help your friend move to a better, happier place. They won't be angry at your friend or you for coming to them with this issue.

The Who can help you section can give you more information about how these people can help.

If your friend refuses to see someone

Keep encouraging them to. If you feel able to, you might offer to go with your friend when they speak to someone about their suicidal thoughts. It might also be helpful to forward them the fact sheets and stories listed on the left hand side. 

Offer your support

It can be scary when you realise you need help. Let your friend know that you care and spend time with them. Just knowing that somebody cares about them can be reassuring as they may feel very alone and as if no one cares.

If they do talk to you about how they are feeling, it might help if you acknowledge that they are feeling down and that things might seem hard, while at the same time trying to remain positive and encouraging.

Choosing when to talk

Timing can be an important part of talking to someone about sensitive stuff. If possible, and if they are not at immediate risk of harming themselves, try to choose a time when you're both relaxed.

Avoid talking with them during an argument or if they are really upset. If you talk to them during an aggressive or defensive moment you may end up getting a bad reaction and distancing them.

If you're not sure what to say, you might try saying 'I'm worried about you', 'You told me the other day you felt like ending your life, do you still feel that way?'.

Ask them to postpone the decision/create a toolkit

While your friend may feel like they have to act now they can try to postpone that decision. They can keep a list of other things they can do to distract themselves.

This might include watching a DVD or going to the movies, playing a game, ringing a friend, chatting online, doing some exercise, reading a book or listening to music. They can then put this into action when the feeling starts to surface.

Many people report that by postponing a decision to die they found that life did change. They got the support they needed and could move on to a better, happier place.

Thoughts don't need to lead to action

Remind your friend that thoughts about taking their life are just thoughts. They do not mean they have to act on them. 

No matter how overwhelming they are or how often they have them. They also don't mean that they will always have those thoughts.

Get informed

It might be helpful to have a general knowledge of suicide and depression. By doing this you may be able to better understand what your friend is going through and what might help.

Check out the factsheets listed on the left hand side.

Looking after yourself

When you are worried about a friend you might feel stressed or overwhelmed and forget to look after yourself. It is important that you take care of how you are feeling. Speak to someone you trust, such as a family member, friend or counsellor.

Having time away from your friend can be important and allow you to relax. Make sure you spend some time doing what you enjoy. You may want to play sport, hang out with other friends, listen to music, or go for a walk.

Finally

It's also important to remember that even though you can offer support, you are not responsible for the actions or behaviour of your friend. If they are not willing to help themselves it is not your fault.