Hi, I have BPD. Hold the straight jacket please

The first time my Psychiatrist told me I had Borderline Personality Disorder - after I'd done one of those awesome stock standard surveys- I was...

Annihilated.

As if someone had taken every single particle of glitter happiness from inside me, I felt as though I had been deemed a lost cause. This was it. I was officially too far beyond help.

I'd previously dealt with Major Depression. I'd tackled a Generalised Anxiety Disorder. I'd even learnt to eat again after having Bulimia Nervosa.

After saying a teary goodbye to my last Psychologist, I'd flown away to Japan and arrived back a new and improved version of myself.

None of this "I want to die" or "Life isn't worth living" business…

I'd flown up to the sky and was dancing around like a whimsical idiot.

Now you're all reading this going, "Yep, she's gonna drop" - and boy did I ever.

The nightmares I’d had became repetitive and more intense. I would arrive at work a beaming ray of sunshine and by morning tea I'd be a brooding thunderstorm of paranoia and self-hate.

Eventually, after relapsing into old habits of downing everything in the medicine cabinet and scratching the skin off myself - I became a Daredevil.

Reckless Driving and a fatefully foiled attempt at becoming one with an Express Train - I didn't know what was going on up in my head. I couldn't explain it because I couldn't control it.

You try telling the world your not in the Driver's Seat in your head - and they'll either laugh and ask if you're joking, or stare oddly at you and walk away.

Luckily enough, I've got an excellent support network around me. My Family GP would've rather nailed his hand to his desk than lock me up, so he referred me to the Life Promotion Clinic.

No. They don't have promotional posters saying in big bold letters "CHOOSE LIFE" with animals doing inspirational things. It was just a “normal” building dealing with what society calls “abnormal” people.

There I met my Psychiatrist - where he enlightened me, after I all but demanded, what the bloody hell was going on.

The test came back positive for Borderline Personality Disorder, with Histrionic, Narcissistic traits, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

And like a cherry on top, there was Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

With a spoonful of medication I had to take blood tests routinely to see if the toxicity levels were okay - I shattered in a heap of "This is the psychological equivalent of terminal lung cancer"...

A year and a bit later, and my last session with the Life Promotion Clinic is next week.

What did I learn? What will I do now?

No clue.

I can tell you this though. Once you learn about yourself, you see the world through new eyes.

Trust me. It's better to know you're "abnormal" and accept and learn to live, than to try to be "normal" and destroy yourself.