Listening + being open-minded

Let your friend know you are willing to listen

Often friends are the first people that we turn to if we are feeling sad or have something on our mind. As a friend, you can often offer to help your friends by offering them support.

Suggestions on how to offer support

Listen

Giving your friend the chance to talk may help them manage how they are feeling. Sometimes while listening to someone who has had similar experiences, it can be tempting to tell them your story. This may not be a good time to do that, it may be better to save it for another time.

Be open-minded + don't judge them

Try and be as supportive as possible towards your friend. You may be able to help them find a solution to their problem by discussing openly many different options for tackling the problem.

Avoid giving advice

It is important to listen to your friend and try to help them work out what is best for them. It may help them to let them know what has worked for you in the past.

However, try to remember that everyone is different and what worked for you may not work for them. It is a good idea to remind them that what you are telling them is just your opinion and that it is okay if they don't share the same opinion as you.

If you can, use open-ended questions

Open-ended questions let people talk more openly with you. Open-ended questions often start with 'how' or 'what'. For example "How do you feel about ..." Another type of open question may start with "Can you tell me about....".

Let your friend know you are listening

This may help to let your friend know that you care. You can show that you are listening in a number of ways. These may be:

• asking questions to get a better understanding of what they have been talking about
• saying what you think, feel or sense about what they have said
• repeating back in your own words what they have been saying.

Body language

Open body language may make a person feel more comfortable speaking to you about something that is worrying them. Try and keep eye contact with the person you are speaking with. Try not to look over their shoulder.

Open body language also includes sitting with your arms by your side or in your lap rather than crossed, or stretching out rather than being squished up in a chair.

It may be helpful to consider the cultural background that your friend comes from as this can change what is considered to be warm and friendly body language. You may want to check out the fact sheet on Safe body language for more information.

Be supportive

Reassure your friend that their feelings are okay.

Finding help

Your friend may find it helpful to talk with someone like a counsellor, psychologist or doctor. You may want to check out the Who can help you section for more information about how these people can help.

You may be able to help your friend find someone. Check out your local phone book for details of these people in your local area.

If you feel comfortable you could offer to go to with them when they go to see someone. They don't have to go alone.

Later on talk to someone you trust about how you feel about what your friend told you. You don't have to name your friend. Just make sure you feel okay too.