Looking after yourself when a friend has a life threatening illness

Finding out your friend has a life threatening illness is likely to be a huge shock. You may find yourself not knowing what you should say or do, and be asking yourself how you can best support your friend.

For ideas on how you can be there for your friend check out the fact sheet on Supporting a friend with a life threatening illness.

As well as not knowing how exactly to best support your friend you may be struggling to deal with what is happening. This may be the first time you have had to confront a serious illness and the fear of loss - knowing how to come to terms with what is happening may take some time.

Looking after yourself is extremely important so that you can be in a better position to be a supportive friend.

How you might be feeling

After finding out your friend is not well you might be experiencing a range of emotions, including feeling:

• angry
• upset
• stressed and/or anxious
• confused
• down or depressed
• distracted, and finding it hard to concentrate.

These feelings can be difficult to move beyond. If you are experiencing any of these feelings, it is important that you look after yourself.

If you are finding that you can't shake how you are feeling and it is starting to affect your day to day routine, it might be helpful to talk to someone like a counsellor.

Check out the Who can help you section for more info. You can also ask your GP or look up 'Community Health Services' in the White Pages.

Contact Lifeline or have a look at Lifeline service finder.

Looking after yourself

Remember, while it's great to be there for your friend, it is important that you look after yourself too. If you are finding that the situation is getting you down, it may be helpful to talk to someone like a counsellor.

Here are some suggestions that may help you to get through this time:

Accepting your feelings

There is no right or wrong way to feel when you find out that a friend has a life threatening illness. Accepting the feelings you have and acknowledging you are going through a stressful experience may be helpful in managing your reactions.

Allow yourself to cry

It is OK to cry. If you feel uncomfortable about crying in front of people you may want to make a plan so you can leave and go to a safer place.

This may be:

• a quiet room
• the park
• school counsellor's office
• your favourite spot.

If you are at school, it may be a good idea to let your teachers know about what's going on for you so that if you need to leave the classroom at any stage the teacher will know what you are doing and that you are safe.

Take time out

If you are having trouble coping with things it may be a good idea to take time out. You may like to:

• go for a walk
• listen to music
• hang out with friends
• kick a footie.

Avoid bottling stuff up

Keeping things to yourself may mean that the tension builds up inside you. Finding a way to express how you are feeling may help you to feel better. You may like to talk to someone, write your thoughts down, draw, or punch some pillows. Check out the Express yourself fact sheet for more ideas about how to get stuff off your chest.

Have a massage

Having a massage may be a nice way to help you release some of that tension that can build within you.

Talk to someone

Talking to someone you trust about how you are feeling may be helpful. This may be a family member, friend, or youth worker. It may help to share what you're going through with others who have had similar experiences.

If you are finding it hard to cope with day-to-day stuff then it may help to talk to someone like a counsellor. Check out the Who can help you section for more information about what a counsellor does.

Your local phone book should have details of where to find a counsellor in your local area or otherwise your GP may be able to recommend someone.

Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 is a free call from a landline and won't show up on your home phone bill.

Lifeline 13 11 14 is the cost of a local call from a landline.

Both Kids Helpline and Lifeline are anonymous and have counsellors that are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and are trained to helped you.

Acknowledgement:
Thanks to CanTeen for their input into this fact sheet.