Maintaining relationships after someone has died

The family

After someone dies it can be hard for everyone to adjust. Family members may argue with each other more often. Sometimes being with your family can be uncomfortable but it can also be a space where you can grieve together.

If possible, try to be understanding of your family's reactions. Doing things together like having dinner, going to the footy, or hanging out talking about some of the things you are feeling may help you to better understand each other.

Don't be afraid to talk about the person who has died. You may not want to mention them for fear of upsetting others.

However, don't forget that they are already upset even though they may not be showing it at the time. The silence created by not talking about the dead person may make the family feel that person was not significant, that their life had no meaning, or even that they did not exist at all.

Dealing with friends and relatives

Friends and relatives may have deep feelings of grief as well. Like you, they may also want a tangible reminder of their friend. Try and be sensitive to their requests.

Including them in your grieving may help you get through your own tough times. They may also be a great source of support and be good people to talk to about some of the major decisions you need to make.

Coping with other people's reactions

Chances are your friends will not know what to do or say. This may be difficult for both of you. It may help to let them know how you are feeling and that it may take time for you to get back into your normal routine. If there are things that they could do to help you out, it may be a good idea to let them know.

People may ask you a whole lot of questions that you may not want or are not ready to answer. It is OK to say that you are not ready to talk and that you will let them know when you are.

More information

National Association for Loss and Grief (Aust) Inc (NALAG)have offices in 3 Australian States:

Australian Capital Territory - (02) 6259 3940

New South Wales - (02) 6822 9222

Victoria - (03) 9650 3000

Free call for rural areas 1800 100 023

South Australia - (08) 8300 0095T

The South Australian office asks you to leave a message and a NALAG worker will return your call.

Counsellors within your local area should also be able to provide information. Your local Community Health Centre should have information about the counselling services in your area. Look up 'Community Health Services' in the White Pages or the Lifeline service finder (http://justlook.org.au/) to find out what groups are being run.

Look up 'Family counselling' in the White Pages or the Lifeline service finder (http://justlook.org.au/)to find out where family counselling might be available. You may also want to ask your local GP if they can recommend anyone.

Acknowledgements

Some of the information is adapted from the book "After Suicide, Help For The Bereaved" by Sheila Clark. Published in 1995 by Hill of Content Publishing Company Pty Ltd, Melbourne 3000. Thanks to Sheila for also reviewing these fact sheets.