Make every day special

By: Anon

Make every day special. Live your dreams now, and tell the people you love that you love them.

Life has always seemed like such a funny thing, I could never get my head around it really. I used to see life as this confusing game, where I didn't know the rules - like I'd end up on this planet without a road map, and was somehow expected to muddle my way from birth to death hoping to learn a few things along the way.

Then I got diagnosed with cancer.

Not even the doctors and specialists know how long I am going to survive - maybe a few months, maybe decades, so I have to count each day as special. Facing your own mortality means asking yourself some really hard questions. Why has this happened to me? Have I been a good person? What am I going to do with the rest of my life now?

I've always known I was going to die; it's just how life works. But I took a certain amount of comfort in not knowing when I was going to die, or how. I don't know why I got cancer, I don't know why it had to be my body that this tumor developed in, and I don't know why I had to get it so young. But I am learning to accept that we are all going to die, one way or another, I just happen to have a tumor growing in me that may mean I die younger than most people.

The thought that I may not get to live out all my dreams does unsettle me, and dieing young still scares me. I guess we all assume we are going to live to a ripe old age and have time to do everything we want to do.

I was brought up in a loosely religious family, but faced with the possibility I might die soon has made me look really hard at what I believe in. I've started to take a much deeper interest in my faith, and as I result I draw great strength and comfort from it.

I've chosen to see this as a wake up call, "Make every day special. Live your dreams now, and tell the people you love that you love them".

Life is still as confusing, but I have given up on finding the map and learning the rules. Life is precious, and I intend to spend my time learning from each experience, challenging myself and growing and making the most of every day. When my final day comes, be that tomorrow or in 50 years, I want to be able to look back on life and say, "I have lived the best life I could have".