Adoption - making a decision to find your birth parents

Discovering your identity

Part of growing up is discovering more about your identity. An important component of identity is knowing your family and their history.

As someone who is adopted, it is natural to want to find out about your birth family as well as the family you grew up with.

You may be happy to ask your adoptive parents questions about your background, or you may wish to actually meet your birth parents.

Deciding to look for your birth parents

Making the decision to find your birth parents may be a big one, with many different things to consider. You may be worried your birth parents do not want to meet you.

While this may be a possibility and something for you to consider, keep in mind a lot of adoptees do successfully reunite with their birth parents. It is important you make the decision that is best for you and are prepared for all possible outcomes.

Things that may help you make your decision

Speak to your adoptive parents - Being worried about how your adoptive parents feel about you wanting to find your birth parents is normal. Talking to your adoptive parents may help to sort out any issues you both have. Your adoptive parents may also be a good support for you if you decide to search for your birth parents. For tips on how to broach the subject with them check out the Telling someone big news fact sheet.

A support group - Support groups give you the chance to talk with other adoptees who are going through a similar situation or have already decided to find their birth parents. This may help you with your decision to find your birth parents. The Post Adoption Resource Centre lists different support groups within each state.

Speak to a counsellor - If making the decision to find your birth parents is really hard for you, then it may be helpful to speak with a counsellor or psychologist. For more info about people who can talk to see the Who can help you section.

Finding your birth parents

Once you have made the decision to find your birth parents you may have mixed feelings about it. You may feel excited, relieved or anxious.

Try to remember that meeting your birth parents may not change the way you feel about being adopted. It takes time to work through those feelings.

Talking to someone you trust about how you feel may help. This person may be a friend, your adopted parents or members in a support group. A counsellor or psychologist may also be helpful. The Who can help you section will have more information about how they can help.

Each Australian State has different adoption laws. When you are ready to start looking for your birth parents the Post Adoption Resource Centre provides contact details for state adoption agencies in each Australian State. There are also details for New Zealand and the United Kingdom.

More information

The Post Adoption Resource Centre

PO Box 239

Bondi NSW 2026

Ph. 9365 3444

Email: parc@bensoc.asn.au