Managing anniversaries and special occasions

Ideas for managing anniversaries or birthdays

Around the time of an anniversary or birthday it is common to experience feelings of sadness for the person you have lost. Along with feeling sad, there may also be other feelings that are associated with your loss. It is important that you are able to express these feelings and manage them.

To help to manage these feelings you may want to:

Plan for the day

Treat the anniversary or special occasion in the same way as you do other important days. Plan ahead. Talk with your family and friends about the best way to remember your loved one.

Allow yourself to be sad

Special occasions are usually a time you have spent with the person you have lost. It is normal to feel sad that they are not with you. It may help to take some time out, to remember the person you love. You may want to:

• Find a quiet spot to remember all the good things about the person.
• Go and do something that you used to do together.
• Write a letter to the person.
• Revisit that favourite spot you had.
• Share some of the memories.

Look after yourself

Remembering that this may be a tough time for you is important. This may mean that you have to treat yourself with a bit of care. Avoid making major decisions until after the occasion is over. If possible, treat yourself to something you enjoy doing. It may be that you:

• go to the beach
• go for a walk
• kick a footie
• listen to music
• go shopping
• have a massage
• hang out with friends.

Avoid bottling stuff up

Keeping things to yourself may mean that the tension builds up inside you. Finding a way to express what you are feeling may help you to feel better. You may like to talk to someone, write your thoughts down, draw, or punch some pillows. Check out the Express yourself fact sheet for more ideas about how to get stuff off your chest.

Talk to someone

Having someone you trust to talk to about how you are feeling may be helpful. This may be a family member, friend or youth worker. If you are finding it hard to cope with day-to-day stuff then it may help to talk to someone like a counsellor. Check out the Who can help you section for more information about what a counsellor does.

Look up 'Community Health Services' in the White Pages or the beyondblue Directory of Medical and Allied Health Practitioners to find a counsellor.

Kids Help Line 1800 55 1800 (free call from a landline and some mobiles). Check www.kidshelp.com.au for more information about their services and their web and email counselling. Their website will also let you know if you can use your mobile to call them for free.

You can also call Lifeline 13 11 14 (cost of a local call from a landline) also have counsellors that are available 24 hours a day.

More information

Centre for grief education Grieflink National Association for Loss and Grief (Aust) Inc (NALAG) have offices in 3 Australian States:

 

New South Wales (02) 6882 9222 

Victoria (03) 9329 4003

Free call for rural areas 1800 100 023

South Australia (08) 8300 0095

The South Australian office asks you to leave a message and a NALAG worker will return your call.

Counsellors within your local area should also be able to provide information. Your local Community Health Centre should have information about the counselling services in your area. Check out Help Near You or your local phone book for details of your local community health centre.

Acknowledgements

Some of the information is adapted from the book "After Suicide, Help For The Bereaved" by Sheila Clark. Published in 1995 by Hill of Content Publishing Company Pty Ltd, Melbourne 3000. Thanks to Sheila for also reviewing these fact sheets.