Managing grief at Christmas

Ideas for coping

Christmas may be a time when you get together with family and friends. Often, if you have lost someone you love you are reminded that they are not around. This may be hard and everyone reacts differently to this. It may be that it causes people to react more sensitively to things. Everyone has their own way of coping. It is important that you look after yourself and have your way of getting through the hard bits.

Here are some ideas that may help you better manage the Christmas holidays.

Allow yourself to be sad

Christmas may have been a time you spent with someone you have lost. It is normal to feel sad that they are not with you. It may help to take some time out, to remember the person you love. You may want to:

• find a quiet spot to remember all the good things about the person
• go and do something that you used to do together
• write a letter to the person
• revisit that favourite spot you had
• share some of the memories.

It is OK to enjoy yourself

It may be hard to celebrate when you are missing someone you love. It is not uncommon to have a whole lot of different feelings such as sadness, guilt, or excitement. Getting together with family and close friends may be a chance to remember the good times and it's ok to relax and have a laugh. Having fun is not necessarily a sign that you miss that person any less.

Look after yourself

Remembering that this may be a tough time for you is important. This may mean that you have to treat yourself with a bit of care. Avoid making major decisions until after Christmas is over. If possible, treat yourself to something you enjoy doing. It may be that you:

• go to the beach
• go for a walk
• kick a footie
• listen to music
• go shopping
• have a massage
• hang out with friends.

Talk to someone

Having someone you trust to talk to about how you are feeling may be helpful. This may be a family member, friend or youth worker. If you are finding it hard to cope with day-to-day stuff then it may help to talk to someone like a counsellor. Check out the Who can help you section for more information about what a counsellor does.

You can find details of a counsellor in your local area in the beyondblue Directory of Medical and Allied Health Practitioners or your local doctor should also be able to suggest someone.

Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800 - free call from a landline) or Lifeline (13 11 14 - cost of a local call from a landline) also have counsellors that are available 24 hours a day and the call does not show up on your phone bill.

Avoid bottling stuff up

Getting stuff off your chest is important. Keeping things to yourself may mean that the tension builds up inside you. Finding a way to get out what you are feeling may help you to feel better.

You may like to talk to someone, write your thoughts down, draw, have a cry or punch some pillows. Check out the Express yourself fact sheet for more ideas about how to get stuff off your chest.

More information

Check out the fact sheets on the left side of the page.

National Association for Loss and Grief (Aust) Inc (NALAG) have offices in 4 Australian States:

Australian Capital Territory (02) 6259 3940

New South Wales (02) 6882 9222

Victoria (03) 9650 3000

Free call for rural areas 1800 100 023

South Australia (08) 8300 0095

The South Australian office asks you to leave a message and a NALAG worker will return your call.