Meeting new people

Meeting new people is something that most of us do every now or then. You might like the idea of meeting new people and making new friends, and want to know how to handle situations with new people even better. Or, you might find meeting new people a daunting idea, and avoid it at all costs.

Whatever the case, it is likely that in your day to day life you are going to have to meet new people from time to time. Here are a few tips on how to meet new people and what to do when you meet them to make sure that the experience is as fun, pain-free and successful as possible.

How you might be feeling when you meet someone new

Meeting new people can be a lot of fun. It provides the opportunity to have a conversation with someone new who you might share something in common with, or who you might be able to have an interesting discussion with, or who might even become a good friend.

It can also be a worrying experience for many people. You might be wondering what you'll say, how you should act, and what the other person will think of you.

You may be feeling:

• excited 
• nervous
• anxious
• relaxed
• curious.

Experiencing any of these feelings is not uncommon. However, if it is affecting your ability to meet new people and this is affecting your life in a negative way it is important that you talk to someone about it. For more info check out the tips below and the Social anxiety fact sheet.

How to meet new people

Meeting new people may be a case of doing the things you enjoy or trying new things. Chances are that people you want to meet like doing the same things too, so you will have something in common to share. It may be that you: 

• Say 'yes' when people invite you to go and do things - you never know who else might be there.
• Take opportunities to go to parties where you may meet new people.
• Volunteer, check out ActNow. 
• Join a sporting club.
• Join a book club.
• Take a course at a community college (like learning a language or doing an art or cooking course).
• Walk your dog in the local park (or borrow one!)
• Start random conversations with people in the street or on the bus or train.
• Learn to dance. 
• Hang out at the youth centre. 
• Surf.

Having a regular activity where you see other people every week can allow time for you to get to know others while you're doing something in common and without as much pressure to have something to say all the time.

Meeting people online

It is not uncommon to want to explore the internet and start friendships online with people you may not have met face-to-face. You can form rewarding and lifelong friendships this way, as well as connect with people you may not otherwise find it easy to meet in real life due to geographical distance.

You might meet people online through forums, chatrooms, or online social networks such as Myspace or Facebook.

There are, however, a few things you should remember to meet people safely online and avoid undesirable situations:

• Be careful in chat rooms - Even though someone might say they're a young person, there's no way of really knowing this is the case.
• On social networking sites such as Myspace and Facebook keep your profile private if possible, and only befriend people known to you. 
• Never give out personal details such as your home address, phone number, school, university or workplace to anybody you don't know online (or where it could be seen publicly by people you don't know).
• Never arrange to meet anyone unless someone goes with you and you meet in a public place. People you contact online are not always who they seem or who they say they are.

If you are being bullied online by people you meet there, tell someone you trust about it. For more information check out the Cyberbullying fact sheet.

Tips for meeting someone for the first time

There are a few simple things you can do to make meeting new people easier and more successful. Here are some tips for what to do when you meet someone for the first time:

Try not to judge based on first impressions - sometimes people feel nervous when they meet new people (you might be too) and they don't always give a great first impression. Or, they might be having a really bad day, or be feeling unwell. They may be a completely different person once you get to know them.

That said, it's great to make a good first impression so people feel comfortable getting to know you - so check out the other tips on how to do this.

Dealing with nerves - meeting new people can be a scary thing for some people. Once you're nervous it's easy to get tongue-tied or start to say things you think sound stupid, or simply look for the first chance to run away!

There are a number of things you can do to combat nerves. Building your self-esteem and confidence can often help reduce shyness in some situations. It may also be helpful to learn to challenge your negative self-talk.

If you're going to an event where there are many people it might help to track down the people you do know first to relax a bit before meeting new people. If you are at an event where you don't know anyone and you are feeling a bit nervous, it might also help to chat with a friend on the phone to feel a bit more comfortable first.

Smile, keep eye contact and be friendly - you are more likely to be friendly to someone who smiles at you, so try it yourself. Opening yourself up to people can make them feel more comfortable and more likely to be friendly in response. You can practice this at home in front of the mirror - it will become easier and more comfortable over time. 

Starting a conversation - It's a good idea to ask the other person something about themselves to start things off. Try not to get too personal though - the first time you meet it's a good idea to stay clear of talking about religion, sex, politics or death. You might want to start with a simple question like: "Do you study/work?" "What do you study/do?" "What Uni or School do you go to?"

Or, if you're at a party, you might start by asking the other person how they know the person whose party it is. From these fairly basic starting points you should find some things you have in common and more things to talk about. 

Prepare conversation topics - thinking about what you might talk about with new people can really help the conversation and any awkward feelings. It helps to pick a topic that you know a lot about and feel confident talking about and feel is likely to be of interest to other people as well. 

Remembering names - it's always impressive if you can remember someone's name after meeting them for the first time, and helpful if other people join your conversation and you need to do introductions. There are a few things you can to do to help you remember names more easily.

These include: repeating the name immediately when you meet someone, and then trying to use it as much as possible in conversation; writing it down (this doesn't mean rushing off mid-conversation to get out a pen, or writing it down while you're talking to them!): thinking of a famous person who has the same name might help you to remember the person's name. 
 
However, it's not the end of the world if you don't remember their name - when you meet a lot of people at once it can be hard to remember them all. People understand this, and something you can do to find out their name again is to simply say "Look - I'm sorry I'm not very good with names - what was your name again?" Or, you could get a friend to come and introduce themself; prompting the person you've just met to reintroduce themself - easy. 

Be yourself - when you come across as relaxed and confident, it is more likely the person you are meeting will also feel relaxed and more comfortable chatting with you.

Let us know what you think

How and where do you meet new people, and what do you do when you meet them to make the meeting a successful one? What hasn't worked so well, and what would you do next time instead? You can let us know by adding a comment on the bottom of this fact sheet.