Mixed feelings about having sex or a relationship

Will I ever have sex and or a relationship?

It is not uncommon for people to have mixed feelings about having sex and/or a relationship with someone else. One of the common myths about gay men and lesbians is that they don't have long term relationships. Like other myths this is not true. Lesbian, gay and bisexual people do have positive sexual relationships and experiences that include genuine feelings of affection and pride in their sexual identity. Valuing yourself, taking your time and using your best judgement may help to make your sexual experiences fun, exciting and satisfying.

If you choose to have sex with someone you should think about Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) such as HIV and AIDS. From more information on STI's you may want to check out the link to the Family Planning website on the right hand side of this fact sheet.

I get scared and down sometimes

It may not be easy to realise that you are gay, lesbian or bisexual. It is not uncommon to hear jokes, the wrong ideas and the hurtful stereotypes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people. Even when they are not directed at you they may be hurtful.

You may worry if you are normal, or if others have experienced the same feelings you have. It may be stressful worrying whether others will find out about your feelings. Other people, and sometimes ourselves, may fear and even hate what they don't understand.

The majority of people who have accepted their sexuality and themselves are happy and would not want it any other way. Acknowledging a part of yourself that goes against what most people feel comfortable with may be a brave thing to do. Being brave and courageous does not mean you don't get scared. It doesn't mean you can't ask for help.

Even when you are comfortable with your same sex attractions and feelings, life may continue to present challenges. If possible try not to judge yourself for feeling sad or scared.

Many young people dealing with their sexuality have joined groups, participated in courses or called the Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service. They found meeting or talking to other young people with the same experiences helped them feel less alone. Having the support of people who understand may help you feel better about yourself.

There are a number of services that may be able to help you if you are feeling isolated and alone. Services such as the Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service (see the more information section for the number in each Australian state), Kids Help Line 1800 55 1800 and Lifeline 131 114 are anonymous and have counsellors who are happy to speak to you when you are feeling down or just want a chat.

More info

Call the Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service in your state or territory:

ACT

Gay Information and Counselling Service

6-10pm, 7 days

(02) 6247 2726

QLD

Gay and Lesbian Welfare Association

7-10pm, 7 days

(07) 3017 1717

Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527

SA

Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service

Mon- Fri 7-10pm, Sat 2-5pm & 7-10pm

(08) 8422 8400

Toll free (rural areas): 1800 182 233

NSW

Gay and Lesbian Line

5.30-10.30pm, 7 days

(02) 8594 9596

Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527

VIC

Gay and Lesbian Switchboard

6-10pm daily, Wed 2-10pm

(03) 9827 8544

Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527

WA

Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service

(08) 9420 7201 (7-10pm, 7 days)

Youthline (08) 9420 7201 (Tuesdays 11.30am-2pm & 3-6pm)

Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527

NT

Gay & Bisexual Mens Line Telephone Service

Sunday, Monday and Tuesdays 5:30 pm to 10:30 pm.

FREECALL 1800 181 888

Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service of SA

1800 18 4527 (7.30pm - 10pm local time, 7 days)

TAS

Sexual Health Branch - Hobart

Monday-Friday, 8.30am - 5pm

(03) 6233 3557 or 1800 675 859

Working it out - Hobart

(03) 6231 1200; email south@workingitout.org.au

Working it out - Burnie

(03) 6432 3643; email northwest@workingitout.org.au

Working it out - Launceston

(03) 6334 4013; email north@workingitout.org.au

These services are anonymous, and calls to a 1800 number do not appear on a phone bill. You can chat to someone about your feelings and they can answer many of your questions. They can also tell you about support groups and social functions.

Pick up a gay and lesbian newspaper. Every state has gay and lesbian newspapers that will tell you about what's on and how to access support and social groups. There are also national magazines available, some of which you can subscribe to.

Acknowledgements

Text adapted from "you're not alone", a booklet written by the Gay and Lesbian counselling service (WA) and the WA AIDS council under the "Here for Life" sexuality project.

Thanks to Family Planning NSW for preparing this factsheet.

www.fpahealth.org.au