Moving back into your routines

Managing life after the funeral

The time after a funeral can be hard. Attending the funeral may help you stay connected to the person you have lost. After the funeral you may feel empty, lonely and sad. It may also be a time to start thinking about returning to school, uni, or work.

It is likely that you are still grieving which may mean that it is hard to get back into a balanced routine. Sometimes it can be hard to do day-to-day stuff or it may be that you want to throw yourself back into work or school.

Everybody is different and you are the only one who can judge what you are able to do. It is a good idea to get back into routines at a pace that suits you. It may help to remember that it is quite normal to have some days that are tougher than others. Over time it is likely that your routine will return back to its normal pace.

Friends and family are moving on

It may be that your friends have started to get back to their life routines. Sometimes this means that they are not there for you as much as they have been. For friends and family who were not connected to the person who has died, it may be hard for them to know what to do and how to help you. It is a good idea to keep your good friends in the loop with how you are feeling. Let them know what you need and how they can help. The odds are they will be waiting for you to ask.

Making the move back to routine more manageable

When you return back to work, school, or uni you may find the following useful:

Plan your return

If you are going back to school or back to work it may be a good idea to talk with your teacher or boss about what you want others to know about your loss and who should tell them.

Let your teacher/boss know how you are feeling

Talking with your teacher or boss about your workload may help you ease back in. It is OK to ask for some consideration for homework or to get work tasks done.

Difficulties at work

Difficulties with concentration and memory are common in grief and may affect your study or work performance. If this happens it may help to discuss it with your teacher or boss. A visit to your doctor may also help.

Other suggestions for helping to get back into day-to-day stuff may be:

Taking time out

It is important for you to manage how you are feeling. It may be helpful to set aside some time in the day to deal with your thoughts. It may be that you find a spot and:

• do some writing or drawing
• punch a pillow
• do some exercise.

Memories

Memories help you to remember the person you have lost and over time the pain may fade into happy memories. Setting aside a time for you to remember your loved one may be helpful. Find a quiet spot to do this. If you are worried you are going to forget the memories, write them down. It is ok to cry and be sad. Over time it often becomes easier to remember. There is no set time frame for this, everyone is different.

Talking to someone

Sometimes talking to someone about how you are feeling helps you manage your feelings and make sense of them. You may like to talk to someone that is going through a similar circumstance, a family member, friend, teacher or a counsellor.

Check out the Who can help you section for more information about how these people can help you out.

For more information about support groups you may want to contact National Association for Loss and Grief (NALAG), contact details are in the more information section below.

It may also be helpful to know that Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 (free call from a landline and some mobile phones) and Lifeline 13 11 14 (cost of a local call from a landline) have counsellors that are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

More Information

Check out the fact sheets on the left hand side of the page.

National Association for Loss and Grief (Aust) Inc (NALAG)have offices in 3 Australian States:

 

New South Wales (02) 6882 9222

Victoria (03) 9329 4003

Free call for rural areas 1800 100 023

South Australia (08) 8300 0095

The South Australian office asks you to leave a message and a NALAG worker will return your call.

Counsellors within your local area should also be able to provide information. Your local Community Health Centre should have information about the counselling services in your area. Look up 'Community Health Services' in the White Pages or search the beyondblue Directory of Medical and Allied Health Practitioners to find out what counselling services are available.

Acknowledgements

Some of the information is adapted from the book "After Suicide, Help For The Bereaved" by Sheila Clark. Published in 1995 by Hill of Content Publishing Company Pty Ltd, Melbourne 3000.

Thanks to Sheila for also reviewing these fact sheets.

The information is not specifically about suicide and should be of assistance to anyone who is bereaved.