Never underestimate your ability to succeed

Nicole, a Reach Out Youth Ambassador, shares her experience of how she overcame anxiety and low self-confidence.

Growing up I was confused, depressed, had very low self-confidence and suffered from huge amounts of anxiety. I didn’t do well at school because I couldn’t concentrate long enough to study properly and although I applied for a place at university I didn’t get in.

I worried about everything. I would dwell on the past and fear the future. I couldn’t get on a train without first thinking “its going to de-rail”. Every night I would lie awake worrying that an intruder was going to break into the house and hurt my family.

Socially I was overly shy and was convinced that the world hated me. I always felt like the odd one out in my family and I had very few friends. This made me an easy target for constant bullying. One of my most vivid memories is from year 7 when this guy in my grade said to me on the first morning I caught the school bus: “What are you doing? You don’t belong here”. I never caught that bus again. I hated myself and crying became a daily ritual. There were times when I just wanted it all to end, but I feared death just as much as I feared life.

When I finished school I went to Business College. For my entire life I had vowed that I would never work in a boring office and sit at a desk all day but because I didn’t know what else to do and my parents wouldn’t let me do nothing, I decided to do a Diploma of Business Administration.

Some days I liked College and other days I hated it. I worked really hard though and was getting marks like I had never got before in my life. Even so, I still wasn’t happy. I was continuing to suffer from huge amounts of anxiety and the friends that I had didn’t really enjoy going out that much. If someone did ask me to go out to a club or a bar I said no, because the thought of going to a place like that scared the hell out of me. I began to look for new ways to spend my weekends and free time. I had been thinking about doing volunteer work for a while, but had never had the guts to go out and seek it.

One night I was on the internet and came across a great website called Reach Out. While on the site I read factsheets about anxiety and depression. I also read about the applications for the Reach Out Youth Advisory Board (ROYAB) and I thought how good it would be to do something like that. I decided to apply and it was the best thing I ever did. About a month later I received an e-mail saying that I had been selected. I couldn’t believe my eyes!

The end of my course was fast approaching. I applied for two jobs, both as a Trainee Secretary and to my surprise I received two interviews. I put everything I could into preparing myself for the interviews. I practiced answering questions, studied the companies websites, planned what I was going to wear and spent hours perfecting my resume and portfolio. I asked my parents to drive me into the city and show me the buildings where the firms were located so I didn’t need to worry about finding them on the day.

Both of the interviews went well and I scored myself two jobs. I favoured one job over the other for a number of reasons, so I accepted! For once, things seemed to be going my way and I was beginning to feel happier. I had finished my term on ROYAB, had just become a Youth Ambassador (the next step after three months on ROYAB) and I had my new job to look forward to.

My first year at work was full of challenges. I was very shy at first and hardly spoke a word, even to the other trainees. I felt self conscious in meetings and the same old thoughts of not fitting in, not being good enough and nobody liking me still stuck in my mind. I worked for some really horrible people and would often go home in tears. At one stage I absolutely hated it and wanted to leave. My dad told me to stay at least a year, so I stuck it out and I’m glad I did.

As the year went on, I began to make new friends at work. Some of these friends, the older ones, became my mentors. They encouraged me, taught me how to be a good secretary and offered me career advice. I was also becoming more confident with my work on Reach Out. Slowly I was coming out of the shell that I had been hiding in for the past 19 years. I was gaining a lot of confidence and I began to believe in myself like I never had before.

Working full time has helped me greatly. It has given me so much confidence and has taught me a lot. I know it’s the best thing for me to be doing. Studying full time at uni or TAFE just isn’t for me.

Reach Out has definitely helped me as well. Being a Youth Ambassador has enabled me to do things I would have otherwise never had the opportunity to do. I also find it very rewarding and enjoyable contributing to a website that helps young people. The crew are so supportive and are always there when I need to chat because after all, like everybody I have days when I feel down and things don’t go right.

Today I am armed with a positive attitude, motivation, direction and a happy outlook on life. I surround myself with people that have similar qualities and attitudes. I have heaps of friends and am constantly being invited out and I always accept! I have a great job in a top law firm, which I love and I enjoy coming into work each day. I try and think positively about everything I do, even if it’s something boring. I have learnt that you have to believe in yourself and never underestimate your ability to succeed. If I can do it, I know you can too.