Regrets

What is a regret?

Everybody makes mistakes and makes decisions that in hindsight may not have the outcomes you had hoped for.

What's important are the next steps, your reaction to the mistakes or what actions you decide to take to change the decisions you have made.

Regret is the reaction when you make a decision, subsequently wish you'd never done it and feel bad about it. The alternative is treating the situation as a learning experience, and looking at how you might be able to improve things.

Your reaction to a mistake

Option 1: Your reaction - regret the mistake

When you regret a decision you've made, this can lead to negative thoughts and feelings, and increase the chance of people around you being unhelpful.

After thinking those negative thoughts, and getting unhelpful reactions from those around you, you might be experiencing a range of emotions, including feeling:

• annoyed or frustrated at yourself
• angry
• upset
• disappointed
• stressed and/or anxious
• confused
• down or depressed
• physically sick, including headaches or migraines
• distracted, and finding it hard to concentrate
• ashamed
• worried.

These feelings can be difficult to move beyond. If you are experiencing any of these feelings, it is important that you look after yourself. Check out the fact sheet on Ways of coping with problems and worries for some ideas about how to take care of yourself. 

If you are finding that you can't shake how you are feeling and it is starting to affect your day to day routine, it might be helpful to talk to someone like a counsellor.

Option 2: Your reaction - view this occasion as a learning experience

Another reaction to making a mistake might be to view it as a learning experience. If you recognise the mistake, take on-board what you learnt from the experience, and move on, you're likely to feel a lot better, and act in a much more positive way.

Try not to be too hard on yourself, and recognise that making mistakes and making new decisions is a part of life. You can only grow, and become more competent from experience.

How do you view a situation as a learning experience?

You might be able to change the way you're feeling by changing the way you think about the situation. Check out the scenario to see what we mean.

Scenario - missing a deadline for an assignment

Omigosh!! Your essay is due today and you haven't finished it! Remember? You lied to your mum about studying and actually played Doom for 4 hours last night.

Reaction 1:

"Idiot idiot idiot!! I totally suck! How could I forget? Now I'm going to fail it and then the school will tell mum and she'll know I lied! There's no point in even trying now. I'm pathetic."

Getting upset means it can take even longer to get the essay done and it could even result in you giving up and not handing in your essay in at all. Not a good result, as you could fail your essay and your teacher and mum are likely to be disappointed and probably angry. Mood metre = craptastic.

Reaction 2:

"Omg!! I can't believe I forgot. Too much playing and not enough studying. I suppose I'd better do as best I can to finish it tonight and hand it in tomorrow. There goes 10%. Next time - Less games, MORE essay."

Thinking about the facts and not beating yourself up means you are more likely to get a positive outcome. Even though you may submit the essay a day late you still have a chance to pass even after losing 10%. You can often learn something for next time! You might decide to plan better so that you can get the assignment in on time. Mood metre = feeling good.

Things that might help you

It takes practice to be able to identify and change negative thinking, and might not be easy at first.

Practice - Check out Reach Out Central (ROC) for more examples of scenarios where you have a choice about how you can interpret your situation and what effect that may have on your mood and the way people react. Try-out replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, and watch your mood metre soar!

Talk to people - Talking to people you trust and respect about the mistake you made might be helpful, particularly people who might have been in a similar situation. This may be a family member, friend, teacher or counsellor.

You may prefer to do this anonymously - Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 (free call from landline) and Lifeline 13 11 14 (local phone call cost from landline) have counsellors who are available 24/7, and the call does not show up on the phone bill.

Keep a diary - You might be experiencing a whole range of thoughts and feelings, and it may help to keep track of these by writing them down.

Remember that people make mistakes all the time, and when something goes wrong it doesn't have to be the end of the world. The important thing is that you look after yourself, and that you don't let regret affect your life in a negative way.