Resolving an argument

Why does conflict arise?

It is normal to argue or disagree with people and everyone experiences some conflict in their life. Conflict can occur with your friends, family, boyfriend/girlfriend, teachers or in the work place. It is when you leave a disagreement unresolved with people you see regularly, or those you are closest to, that it can turn into an uncomfortable experience. Approaching them to resolve things isn't always an easy thing to do.

Conflict can arise for any number of reasons:

• You may be having trouble understanding someone else's perspective on an issue.
• You may have different beliefs and values to someone else.
• Your needs may conflict with someone else's needs.
• You may not be happy about how someone is treating you.
• You may be feeling stressed or angry about something and that causes you to be confrontational.

Resolving your differences

Approaching the person you disagree with: Talking to the person about your disagreement can be helpful. In approaching them, it is a good idea to make sure it is in a constructive way, thinking about the points you want to express. Approaching the person is more often effective if you are calm and not angry. Think about how safe it is to approach someone you are in conflict with. Approaching them in public may mean they are less likely to be violent or abusive. If they are likely to be violent or abusive, it may be best not to resolve it directly. Perhaps you could talk to them over the phone or send an email.

Gain an understanding of each other's perspective: To help understand why both parties are disagreeing, it may help to ask questions about their point of view.

Explain how you feel: When you talk to the person you are in disagreement with, try to tell them how you feel. You can try to explain how you feel as a result of their opinion, try not to make statements about their perception of the problem.

Allocate time to talk: It can be easy to get back into an argument while you are trying to resolve it. One way to help avoid this is by giving each other time to highlight each point of view. It may be easier to write your point of view down so that you can both read it and think about what the other has said.  This way you can come back and dicuss it.

Use a mediator: You may need someone else to help you resolve a disagreement. Asking a third person to act as a mediator can help you both get another perspective on the disagreement. Friends, a counsellor, a psychologist or a youth worker are people who are able to act as mediators. Check out the Who can help you section for more information.

Consult conflict resolution policy: If one person in a disagreement has more power over the other person, this can be particularly difficult. At work or school it can be even more difficult. In these situations it is useful to find out if there is a conflict resolution policy in your school, uni, TAFE or workplace. There may be people who can advise you on the right procedures to follow if direct negotiation with the person is not working for you.

Agree to disagree: It is also possible to agree to disagree. It is not good to or even necessary to agree with someone all of the time.