Sexual assault

Hi Roben,

Roben, 

Hello,

I don't quite know how to talk about this, but I was systematically rapped by my fathers best friend from the age of 14 until I was nearly 22. I'm 23 now and I'm finally free of the man, and now starts my long road to recovering a sense of self worth, a sense of control over my life and starting a new relationship to myself. I know I should reach out for psychotherapy, but it is defintely hard to when travelling. I'm a very lucky woman to have escaped with my life and that in doing so I found my partner, a loving caring respectful man who shows me daily and is teaching me to respect and love myself. I live in a constant state of fear that the man will somehow "find me" and harm me again, or that no man truly loves me, and base all of my self worth on sex, I can barely trust people, I don't even trust myself really. I often lie about how I am, about my past, and my life to hide myself from dealing with the pain of the reality. I often feel numb. I often feel lost and that life is worthless, and find myself falling, even though I'm in the most beautiful space being cared for by loving friends. It's normal for me to try and seclude myself, to push other people out of my life. I often want to run and keep running, but I've tried that and it doesn't work so that brings me to my heftiest problem. 

 Out of all my issues, my biggest one right now is that in a few months time I will be returning home to canada to see my family for the first time since I've been able to escape, I don't want to run away any more, I want to tell them what has been going on and I know when I go back there I will have to face my fathers best friend. I'm scared beyond belief of this, but I know I wont be able to really start healing myself, my heart and head until I can tell my family and start to rebuild a foundation of trust with them and face him and tell him he was wrong for what he did.

I know I'll never be really free until I stop running and face the fear that keeps me moving.

I would love to get in contact with someone who could help but I'm on the move. How do I get help while travelling? Is there a site online where people dish about this kind of stuff where I can talk to professionals and people who've gone through this, or are going through this healing process, people who can guide me on my path of self healing? I looked through here and I didn't see anything that would lead me to that, any help would be greatly appreciated. I also have skype and would be willing to talk on there.


It's long path that can be too hard to walk alone.

Hi Emily,

I'm so sorry to hear what this guy put you through - It is totally unacceptable what he did.
You & every other student should feel safe to go to school (I assume that's where it happened).
Most importantly, it's really important you talk to someone about this. Is there someone at your school you feel comfortable with? The school counsellor? A teacher? They will be able to talk through your options, which might help you decide what you want to do.
It is also important to find someone to talk to, to help you through your feelings of being scared and violated. It could be the school counsellor, Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) or one of the numbers listed above.

It sounds like you have been through a really scary situation, which no one should go through. Regardless of what you decide to do about reporting the guy, I hope you talk to people about your experience to heal and get through it.

Take care,
Nikki

Hi , I'm Emily & two days ago a boy took 4 pictures up my skirt. I just turned 15 two weekes ago , & this boy turned 18 six days ago. He was new here on a Tuesday and this happened on Friday. It was only four days he was in my class to decide he wanted to stalk me and take pictures up my skirt. When I found out I didn't know what to do & I still don't . None of my friends or family know what to say to me or help me. That's why I came on this website I really do need help with this. Also I don't know if I want to press chargers because I never talked to this kid & since now he's 18 he will be known as a sexuall prediter ( I don't know how to spell it ). But I can ruin his life , but I really do feel violeted and scared. Where ever I go I feel like he's there and I just keep seeing those pictures. Please someone help me .. ?

Hey,

I know from experience that you are not alone in what you are feeling and it is actually common for people who have been assualted that they will have multiple sexual encounters so your not alone on this. I went through this stage as i had no connection to my body and i felt like i had no ownership or control over it. I similarily felt dirty, ashamed and regressed back into that mode when the assualt first occurred.

We are not brought up knowing how to deal with these things and sometimes we cope with not so healthy choices but its just a survival mechanism that is keeping you together. It does take time to replace them with more positive choices but it does not come straight away. The best thing for me as well, was getting counselling from a service that specialised in sexual assault. They helped me understand that i was not responsible and that it is possible to live my life away from fear, judgement, shame and horrible memories.

I think speaking to someone about what's going on for you would be a good step - there's always services like Lifeline (13 11 14) or Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) who are available to talk to, if you're not up for phoning them there is also online counselling. Even if you're not sure what you want to talk about or what to say - just showing them what you've written here is a good starting point.

Just know that you are not alone and thats it good that you came to RO

Hi guys, i was sexually assaulted for many years before and during puberty by an older male family friend, being a male my self i have had to deal with many many various issues that have come into my head. I have seen psychologists to no avail and i still have anger issues. I am writing here because i need help and advice. for the past few years i have been seeking out older men for random sexual encounters. Every time i sink into my childhood mindset, i feel like my heart is going to explode, and after the encounters i feel depressed, dirty and i hate myself and cry. I feel it is a self destructive path, but i keen doing it to myself. What am i seeking through this behavior? and how do i stop this? I don't think i am gay, the idea of kissing a man doesn't interest me and i am not turned on by men... so confusing... please help.

cheers

Sexual assault can be verbal, visual, or anything that forces a person to join in unwanted sexual contact or attention. Examples of this are voyeurism(when someone watches private sexual acts), exhibitionism (when someone exposes him/herself in public), incest (sexual contact between family members), and sexual harassment. It can happen in different situations, by a stranger in an isolated place, on a date, or in the home by someone you know

Hi everyone, I really am so confused with what to say but all your courage within your life's has given me hope and the courage to tell my story, so here I go.

Sexual assault can be verbal, visual, or anything that forces a person to join in unwanted sexual contact or attention. Examples of this are voyeurism(when someone watches private sexual acts), exhibitionism (when someone exposes him/herself in public), incest (sexual contact between family members), and sexual harassment. It can happen in different situations, by a stranger in an isolated place, on a date, or in the home by someone you know.
Rape is a common form of sexual assault. It is committed in many situations—on a date, by a friend or an acquaintance, or when you think you are alone. Educate yourself on "date rape" drugs. They can be slipped into a drink when a victim is not looking. Never leave your drink unattended—no matter where you are. Try to always be aware of your surroundings.Date rape drugs make a person unable to resist assault and can cause memory loss so the victim doesn't know what happened.

http://menyak.blogspot.com for more

Hi White1,
I'm glad your partner has you in their lives, you obviously care quite a lot and want to be there to support them. I think that's one of the most important things to do for someone in that situation. I hope you can start talking to him about it before he gets into destructive modes as well. It's really hard but he shouldn't be ashamed of it, as he's done nothing wrong. Whilst talking with you will help quite a lot, I also think that talking with someone like a counsellor might help him to work through what he's feeling.

You should also make sure to take care of yourself as I also know how difficult it can be as a support person and if you ever feel like you need to talk to someone then a counsellor might also help you to sort through your own thoughts.

No one should ever be ashamed about needing to talking to someone.

My 33 year old partnner has just told me about his assult when he was a child. I thought something was wrong as he just keeps selfdestructing and binge drinking and think his life is worthless. He confessed to me last night as he got totaly trashed and wet the bed again, He told me thats why he goes into self destruction mode and the reason his moods change so quickly, From happy, to angry to rage to care factor of zero for his life. He is a gorgeous person who deserves tro be totaly happy in life and he dosnt know where to get help and finds it hard to talk to ppl. I am the only person alive that he has told as he is ashamed of it, He told one other friend a couple of years ago and she totaly understood as  she had the same thing happen to her, but she never got help and commited suicede early this year because of it. I dont want this to happen to my man and i need help to help him. 

This is amazing, i was assalted 3 years ago, and i have only just resently seen someone about it. Now i can tell them how i feel, becuase i didn't know how to explain it to her before.

Thanks for sharing your story TKD GIRL, You are truly inspiring :)

Hi guys, I was sexually assaulted at school around a year ago by another student. This was pretty confronting and shocking for me as I always saw school as a safe haven. My friend encouraged me to take action and tell someone so I did and after alot of thought, I went through with pressing charges. I was encouraged to seek counselling but I  was always too embarrassed to tell my story to a stranger. Very recently I had to go to court and see this person again but after 2 very long and exhausting days in court, I feel such a relief that something is being done to stop this person from attacking someone else and I now feel that I can speak out instead of isolating myself from everyone. I know that this isn't over and that the experience will haunt me for times to come but if I have learned one thing from this it is not to keep quiet but to report what has happened to you to  the police and find solace in knowing that you have helped to prevent this from happening tosomeone else. Thanks

I think a specific child sexual abuse fact sheet is a good idea too.

i think this is naughty and people should not be doing it, unless your really naughty

@Ericajane... Hello *waves*

i was sexually assulted by a teacher in grade 5 and i never told anyone till early last year when i was in grade 8, since my first assult i have been assulted again and it is still hard. i find it hard talking to people about it, is there any other way to overcome this depresion, because ive never had a boyfriend becuase i find it hard and i wonder if they would do it to me. can someone help ?

miss atreyu, just replying to your post on the 7th Oct. How can someone get over the fear?? Whta if you don't know the clear definition but in your heart you know it was and your friends say it was too. What if you're too scared to report it? How can you stand up to that person without being scared that it may happen again or someone else might? Does it ever end?

Hey Charlotte,

Hey there miss atreyu :)

Thanks so much for sharing what helped you! We really appreciate your insights...admire your strength and courage...and we know that you have helped others with your words.

Just replying to becks and anyone else maybe my experiences may help...

@ Chrissy88 - Glad you have found the fact sheet helpful :)

My advice would be to go through to the help lines in your state and talk to them about it. This is a very common question and one they would get asked a lot. They should be able to give you advice or give you the details of a legal support program in your area. So we hope thta you'll give them a call :) Good on you for having the strength to find out more!

hi all i found both of the fact sheets useful sence i was assaulted as a child but what i'ld like to know is if i am still able to charge the person even though it was 10 years ago now

Hey there :)

As far as I'm aware you can call these helplines whenever you like -even if months have passed.

If you have been assaulted, or someone you know has, or you just need some advice - you can call through to these great helplines and get the help you need.

This is quite a useful fact sheet. But I've noticed there's a lot of people you can call when its happened within 2 weeks. What if its been months...?

Hey Becks, Glad this is useful :) Are you aware of the Child abuse fact sheet? Would be keen to here your thoughts on what additions / changes / restructures we might make :)

This factsheet is extremely useful. I would really like to see a Child Sexual Abuse factsheet however, as I experienced it when I was young, and in looking for information and support on this, I've realised there isn't really much out there. So it would be great to see RO with something that YP could understand and get support from in regards to this issue. But overall, its a really good factsheet, and provides very relevant and helpful knowledge.

What a useful factsheet!
I think the info provided on here is really useful, and while I've not been in that position - I know I'd come back here if I ever was :D