Single and ready to mingle

In all our other fact sheets we’ve discussed how to be single and happy and this is a really important topic to consider, but what if you’re single and unhappy? What if you really want a relationship but just don’t know how to go about finding one?

First things first

First of all, it’s important not to let your desire for a relationship create an ‘anyone will do’ mindset. It’s important that even though you might want a girlfriend or boyfriend really badly, it’s not worth jumping at the first opportunity that presents itself if it’s not the right one. As the old saying goes, ‘For every hand, there is a glove’ and, though it might be hard to imagine right now, if you’re looking for love there is someone out there perfectly suited to you. You just have to be a bit patient, because not being in a relationship is better than being in a bad one.

Where to meet people

So, what if you want someone right here, right now? Meeting other people who are equally as interested in a relationship can be hard. Sometimes potential love interests are already taken and sometimes they just feel like being single is the right thing for them at this time. However there are some good ways of finding other people who might also be looking for love. Here are some suggestions for where to mingle with singles:

• Sport/Hobby clubs- Love walking? Cycling? Knitting? Painting? Why not join a club or start lessons around something that interests you. You’re more likely to find someone who shares your interests and even if your future lover isn’t there, you’re still doing something that you like. It’s a win, win situation!
• Online dating- Not just for older people anymore, online dating sites and chat rooms can be a great place to meet people who are specifically interested in finding love. Just make sure to keep yourself cyber-safe and check out  the online dating safety tips that each dating site has.
• Through friends- If you’re interested in finding a new love, don’t be afraid to ask your trustworthy friends for help. Ask them if they know of any single girls or guys who they might be able to introduce you to. They may have heaps but just never thought you were interested!
• Your local bar or café- places around where you live are great places to meet people in your neighbourhood and can be more relaxed places to get to know people. Check out what events are happening in your suburb and mosey on down when they’re on.
• Nightclubs or gigs- clubs and pubs can be a great place to find other singles; however do keep in mind that these kinds of venues tend to be less suitable if you’re looking for a quiet chat. Make sure that you’re with some friends and avoid going places where you don’t feel comfortable and safe.
• Swimming pool/gym- Are you a gym bunny or super swimmer? If you’re looking for other fit prospects, why not keep a lookout next time you’re sweating buckets on the treadmill.
• On holiday- Ever heard of a holiday fling? You never know who you might meet when visiting somewhere new.

Relationships to avoid if you’re looking for serious stuff

• The ‘I’m not sure I like you’ relationship-  If the person you’re with really doesn’t seem to be on the same page as you, and isn’t sure they want a relationship, that may be an indication that the relationship isn’t a goer. Both parties have to be sure that they want a relationship before anything too serious can get started
• The ‘one-sided’ relationship- In this relationship only one person is able to talk about how they’re feeling. It’s great to learn about the person that you’re dating, but not at the expense of them learning about you as well.
• The ‘hot and cold’ relationship- This relationship is on again, off again and never results in a feeling of security. These kind of relationships can be seriously destabilising as you can never be sure that when you wake up tomorrow your partner will still be there.
• The abusive relationship- Some people don’t realise that abuse isn’t just a physical thing. Abuse can be emotional, verbal or physical, and can be experienced by both girls and guys. Signs you might be in an abusive relationship include feeling like you’re always being put down, feeling scared of your partner or made to feel bad about yourself. If you’re making someone else feel like this, be aware that your behaviour could be classed as abusive. For more info on abusive relationships, why not check out our fact sheet on the subject.

For more info on relationships and being single, why not check out these fact sheets...

• Singledom (Fact sheet)
• Asking someone out (Fact sheet)
• Being single on Valentine's Day (and other social occasions) (Fact sheet)