Singledom

You’re not the only one

The next time you’re out and about, look around at your friends, acquaintances or classmates and think about whether they’re dating. Chances are you’ll find that not everyone has a boyfriend or girlfriend. Even if everyone you see does have a partner, don’t be discouraged. There are probably plenty of people around you, whether at school, uni or work, who aren’t dating or don’t want to date. In addition to this fact, remember that not all relationships are good ones. Just because someone has a boyfriend or girlfriend, doesn’t mean all is smooth sailing in couple-ville. Everyone has their challenges and having a boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t automatically make life perfect.

Being single can be a choice

Being single isn’t just the default status and having a relationship with someone is a choice -  not a requirement for life. Many people choose to stay single, enjoying the benefits of the single lifestyle. There are positives and negatives of being in a relationship, just like there are positives and negatives of being single and neither situation is superior to the other. Whether you’re coupled up or single is nothing more than a lifestyle choice and reflects nothing about who you are and your value as a person. It also doesn’t mean you’ll be single forever if you don’t want to be.

Friends have benefits

Being single doesn’t mean being lonely. When you’re single you have more opportunities to do different things and meet different people. The things you do can also include opportunities to forge new friendships. Even if you’re an introvert, this might be an excellent time to nurture your extroverted side. Make this time a priority to create meaningful friendships and work on your existing ones.

• Learn more about meeting new people
• Practice communication skills
• Get better at dealing with difficult relationships
• Be optimistic

Don’t sacrifice what you want

Being in a relationship can seem like a really cool idea, and when the right person comes along it can be an affirming experience. But not all relationships are created equal. It’s important not to be so focussed on having a relationship that you forget the real purpose behind being in a relationship: Feeling good about yourself and building a positive partnership. It’s important not to sacrifice who you are, or what you want (whatever that may be) , just so you can say that you have a girlfriend/boyfriend to your mates. Not being in a relationship is better than being in a bad one and the fallout from being in a negative relationship is far worse than being single and free to travel, work, study or play footy to your hearts content. You’re heaps better off just waiting for the right person and being content in your singledom rather than forcing a relationship that’s not meant to be.

Ignore the couple brigade

In a lovey dovey consumer driven society, where all magazines, movies and books ever mention is falling in love, it’s not uncommon to feel like the only single person in the village. Unfortunately, it’s also not uncommon to come across people who will question why anyone would ever be single. They might even imply that there’s something wrong with you if you’re single and happy! Brace yourself for that kind of negativity. Remember that you should never have to defend being single, whether by choice or circumstance. The best response is just to say “I prefer being single” and try to change the topic of conversation to something different or, if you want to make a point, you could mention that there’s a whole facebook page devoted to Aussie singles, so you’re not the only one.

Do the stuff you want to do

One of the benefits of being single is that you have spare time to do the stuff you really want to do!

• Spoil yourself
• Volunteer with a charity
• Try a new sport
• Flirt a little with someone nice
• Read and write stories
• Spend time with your friends
• Call an old friend you haven’t spoken to in years
• Create your own website or blog
• Get the homework that’s been hanging over you all done and dusted so you have more time to hang out with your mates
• Chat online on forums or facebook chat

Think of all the options you have for your future; you’re young, you’re free and you’re independent. We all still have people who want to know our whereabouts and want to share in our plans for the future, but there are still a lot of decisions that, as young adults, we can decide and act upon. For more information on life changes and making choices, check out some fact sheets for inspiration.

For more info on relationships and being single, why not check out some more ReachOut fact sheets...

• Single and ready to mingle (Fact sheet)
• I'm single and I'm happy! (Fact sheet)
• Being single on Valentine's Day (and other social occasions)(Fact sheet)