Smile it gets better

By: Julie

Julie writes about her experience of having a parent with a mental illness, how she learned to deal with and has some ideas for others going through a similar experience.

My experience of a mental illness

Being a kid with a parent with a mental illness isn't as bad as people think it could be. I am 17 years old and have a mum who has a mental illness. I was born into it! I had it all my life - funny that I'm even saying "I had it" when it was my mum who had the illness!

I've gained a lot through my experiences. Maturity beyond my years, a level head to see what's right and wrong, a really great positive attitude on life and empathy for kids in similar situations.

It wasn't until I was 6-8 years old that I realised my mum's sort of not like other mums. She would visit the school and say things that didn't make sense and I remember Mum not wanting my friends to come to our house.

Dad died when I was 8. He had protected us from Mum's illness and after he died I took more of a role in caring for her. This included household cleaning and supervising Mum's medication from when I was about 10 years old. It was exhausting. There was the physical stuff and the emotional load.

Sometimes Mum refused to take her medication - I argued with her and then my brother would come and step in. There was a lot of yelling and screaming!

When I turned 15 my brother moved out and I spent a year living alone with Mum. It wasn't until I was that age that my mum's illness was explained to me by my aunt. She talked about ARAFMI - Association of Relatives and Friends of the Mentally Ill. They gave me information booklets and I went to a Young ARAFMI group where I learned more and talked about my feelings. I began to do my own research.

Then I got in touch with Carers N.S.W. and attended a Young Carers' Camp. Attending Young ARAFMI and my first Carer's Camp really opened a door for me and I let go of everything. I FELT GREAT!! Being open about it, having people to talk to who understand and can give you a big hug.... You can't beat it! Now most of my friends know that Mum has a mental illness. They have seen Mum when she is well and also when she has been ill. I ran workshops at school about my experiences with mental illness. They were received very well. There was an enormous response as kids came, asked questions and were really curious. I squashed some of the myths and stories around mental illness. My story has touched a lot of people.

Mum has schizo-affective disorder. That means her moods go from very high to very low, as well as her hearing sounds from the TV of a baby crying and believing things when she's unwell that aren't true. Like the time when she thought I wasn't her daughter.

I can't control her illness - I wish I could! What I can do is call the Mental Health Centre so that Mum can have her medication. This time she went to the Centre to have an injection and ended up having to go into hospital. That happens about every two months at this stage.

Now I have just finished my H.S.C. and I am looking for work in sales. I do lots of voluntary work including work with N.S.W. Young Carers Association and basketball coaching. I am gaining my certificate in basketball coaching.

What would I say to kids in the same situation? Your best key is your honest key. It unlocks a gateway of pathways and lots of opportunities. You are limiting yourself if you keep the door closed. Talk to someone you trust - it's a huge relief and helps break down the stigma of mental illness.

Helpful things for me were the mottoes I found - my favourite is "Smile and it gets better". Also helpful was my great support network including Carers N.S.W., ARAFMI, my own counselor at the Child, Youth and Family Community Health Centre, friends and a very supportive and great family.