Do I want a relationship?

Do I want a relationship?

Deciding whether to have a boyfriend or girlfriend may be a big decision. There's no hurry. Remember that it is ok to be single.

If you choose to be single it may give you more time to do stuff that you want to do such as;

• hanging out with friends
• getting through studies
• playing sport.

Being single can mean you get to find out more about yourself. Not everybody wants to be in a relationship. You may:

• not feel ready
• have made a choice not to be in one
• enjoy your freedom
• not have met someone you want to have a relationship with.

Only you can decide if you want a relationship. It is all right to take time to decide if a relationship is right for you.

In making this decision you may want to consider what you want from a relationship. Different people may want different things.

Some of the qualities of healthy relationships may be:

• romance
• sexual closeness
• intimacy
• friendship
• excitement
• closeness
• honesty
• affection
• respect
• love
• to be listened to
• happiness
• trust
• commitment.

Am I ready for a relationship?

It is not unusual to want to be in a relationship as this is a normal part of developing as a young person. You might be attracted to guys, girls, both or working it out.

There is no pressure or hurry to find someone you like right away; it's ok to take your time. It may be hard if you are attracted to someone and you are not sure whether they feel the same way. It takes courage to show someone you are interested in them.

I am attracted. What now?

It is important to spend time getting to know the person you are attracted to. What you see first off may not be who they really are. You can discover more about each other the more time you spend together. If you already know the person, it may be a good idea to think about how it may affect the friendship if you make a move.

How can I start a conversation?

For even the most confident people, starting a conversation with someone you are attracted to may be scary. If there is attraction involved, fears about being rejected or embarrassed may race through your mind causing you to become tongue tied, or appear as a bit 'over the top'.

It can help to ask open-ended questions that can get the person talking about themselves and you will also get to know them better. You may want to start with general questions that are non-threatening or personal. You can also talk about things you like. What sort of music do you like? What do you do on the weekends?

If you still feel comfortable and you think they are comfortable, then you may want to move onto more personal things, e.g. What do you think about..?

Along with asking questions, and talking about yourself it may also be helpful to let the person know you are listening to them.

Suggestions for doing this could be:

• Asking questions to get a better understanding of what they have been talking about.
• Saying what you think, feel or sense about what they have said.
• Saying back in your own words what they have been saying.

Body language may also send out signs to let someone know you are attracted to them. Body language is the term used to describe the movements of the body that are not spoken words. These are usually unintentional. Some examples of body language are:

• eye contact
• facial expression
• gestures
• speed and tone of speech

If you are attracted to someone it can be helpful to note their body language and yours. Making eye contact and moving closer to the person, but not overcrowding them, are two forms of body language that may mean that someone is interested.

Your interest is not returned...

It may be hard when you realise that a person you are interested in does not feel the same way. If this happens you may feel rejected, embarrassed or sad.

Try to remember the good things about yourself, the interests that you enjoy, and the good things in your life. Talking to someone you trust may also be helpful. This may be a friend, family member or youth worker.

If you are finding that your feelings are getting in the way of doing everyday stuff, it may be helpful to talk to someone like a counsellor. Check out the Who can help you section for more information about how they can help.

Giving out personal details

Be aware of giving out personal details, where you live, your phone numbers etc. whether over the internet, in person or on the phone. If you do decide to meet someone you do not know, try to do it in a place where other people are around, and it may also be a good idea to have a friend nearby. Some people are not always honest and may give false information or don't have your best interests at heart.

More Information

You may want to check out the fact sheets on the left  side of the page for more information.

Acknowledgements

The information provided here is based on "An Intergalactic Guide to Relationships" - A project initiated by Central Coast Health.

Thanks to FPA health for editing this fact sheet.