Suggestions for managing grief

Things that may be helpful while grieving

Managing grief can be really hard. Below are some suggestions that may help you to get through this time.

Accepting your feelings

There is no right or wrong way to feel after losing someone you care about. Accepting the feelings you have and acknowledging you are going through a stressful experience may be helpful in managing your reactions. Many people wrongly think the intensity of their feelings means they are going mad.

Allow yourself to cry

It is OK to cry. You don't have to be over your feelings in anyone else's time except your own. If you feel uncomfortable crying in front of people you may want to make a plan so you can leave and go to a safer place. This may be:

• a quiet room
• the park
• school counsellor's office
• your favourite spot.

If you are in a classroom, it may be a good idea to let your teacher know of your plan at the beginning of class, then if it happens the teacher will know what you are doing and that you are safe.

Take time out

Friends and relatives may have deep feelings of grief as well. The way they manage these feelings may be different to you, which can mean that people's reactions to things are exaggerated. Things that would not usually stress people out may do so.

If you are having trouble coping with other friends or relatives it may be a good idea to take time out. You may like to:

• go for a walk
• listen to music
• hang out with friends
• kick a footie.

It's OK to smile

After you have lost someone it may be helpful to talk about the memories and good times you have had with that person. There are likely to be many happy memories and fun times. It is OK to enjoy those memories and have a laugh about the fun you have shared. This is not a sign that you miss the person any less.

Saying goodbye is important

Part of the grieving process is letting go of the person who has died. Saying goodbye to the person helps you to do this. You may want to do this by:

• writing a letter
• going to the funeral
• having your own memorial service.

It is important to say goodbye in your own way and in your own time. There is no right or wrong way for doing this.

Avoid bottling stuff up

Keeping things to yourself may mean that the tension builds up inside you. Finding a way to express how you are feeling may help you to feel better. You may like to talk to someone, write your thoughts down, draw or punch some pillows. Check out the Express yourself fact sheet for more ideas about how to get stuff off your chest.

Have a massage

Having a massage may be a nice way to help you release some of that tension that can build within you.

Talk to someone

Talking to someone you trust about how you are feeling may be helpful. This may be a family member, friend or youth worker. It may help to share your experiences with others who have had similar experiences.

You may want to contact National Association for Loss and Grief (NALAG) for more information about support groups. For their contact details, check out the More information section at the bottom of this fact sheet.

If you are finding it hard to cope with day-to-day stuff then it may help to talk to someone like a counsellor. Check out the Who can help you section for more information about what a counsellor does. To find a doctor or mental health professional see the beyondblue Directory of Medical and Allied Health Practitioners.

Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800 - free call from landline to call anytime and speak to a counsellor). Check their site for more info about their web and email counselling services and whether you can use your mobile to call them for free.

Try Lifeline (13 11 14 - cost of a local call from landline) also have counsellors that are available 24 hours a day.

More information

You may want to check out the fact sheets on the left hand side of the page for more information.

National Association for Loss and Grief (Aust) Inc (NALAG)have offices in 3 Australian States:

New South Wales (02) 6882 9222

Victoria (03) 9329 4003

Free call for rural areas 1800 100 023

Counsellors within your local area should also be able to provide information. Your local community health centre should have information about the counselling services in your area. Look up 'Community Health Services' in the White Pages or the Lifeline service finder (http://justlook.org.au/) to find out what groups are being run.

Acknowledgements

Some of the information is adapted from the book "After Suicide, Help For The Bereaved" by Sheila Clark. Published in 1995 by Hill of Content Publishing Company Pty Ltd, Melbourne 3000.

Thanks to Sheila for also reviewing these fact sheets.

The information is not specifically about suicide and should be of assistance to anyone who is bereaved.