Survive the loops and come out in one piece

It's a well kept secret that much of the relationship stress is not actually in the getting together part, but - as you see with TJ and Jules - working on maintaining healthy communication.

• Use whole messages: Talk about what you've observed, what you think and feel, and what you want (and why). This will ensure you get your message across.
• Use I statements - you get a more positive and less defensive response than using statements with 'you'.
• Avoid alienating messages - such as sarcasm, labelling, negative comparisons. This makes people defensive, angry and less likely to see your point of view.
• Remember the positive stuff too - people aren't mind-readers and value positive comments from people they care about.
• Pick your time - if one of you is tired or stressed, it's not going to be a great time to chat.