The importance of friends

It was not so long ago, that I myself, never saw the importance of talking about one's problems, with friends and loved ones...I didn't see how it could possibly help... It seemed to me that it was just one of those cliched things that you are always told will help but never does.Because of this personal misconception, I tended to bottle my problems up. I would hold everything in, and never tell anyone what was zipping through my mind. This soon led to trouble.

Doing the HSC was hard. I constantly felt the pressure of studying and tests, as well as the underlying want and need to do well in the HSC so I could go to Uni. I never let on that I was feeling so pressured. My parents tried to do the "It doesn't matter how you go..." thing... But my dad being a lawyer, I felt that if I didn't do well, that they would be ashamed.

My brother and sister tried to give me space and some peace and quiet, but it wasn't good enough, being younger, they just didn't understand... couldn't understand.

All this meant, that at any one time, I had a million things zipping through my head... I was constantly thinking and never really had time to relax. I soon realised I needed to talk to someone, but still I didn't. I didn't feel there was anyone I was close enough to share my problems with, so I kept on bottling it all up.

Soon enough, I became depressed and irritable.

I realised that if I went into the actual HSC exams in the state I was in, that I would surely snap. So I decided to talk to my bestfriend. I usually told her everything, but this I felt I couldn't... I felt ashamed and thought that there was something wrong with me because I couldn't handle it. So it took me a long time to fess up to her.

When I finally spilt it, I felt so much better. It was as if almost instantly a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders (cliched, I know... but so true). It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It ended up as a very good talking point between us both, and we usually ended up laughing about our problems together, which made us both feel really good.

This was the first time I actually realised the importance of talking out your problems with someone you can trust, and I realised that as long as I had a friend who would listen to my problems, then the HSC would be a hell of a lot easier.

Very soon after I began my proper study for the HSC, a very good friend of mine became ill. She was taken out of school and sent to a hospital in Sydney. This was perhaps the lowest point in my life yet. I was very shocked and didn't have a clue how to handle how I was feeling, as I didn't know how she was, or even if she was alive, for a bit over a fortnight. Luckily my bestfriend, was also a bestfriend of her, and therefore had been speaking to her mum, so she ensured me that she was as good as could be expected. This made me feel a little bit better, but still, I needed to speak to her to be sure.

After I finally got to speak with her, I thought I would be ok... that I could keep sending letters, keep making phonecalls, and that I would feel better. So I went about this and again wasn't letting out how I was really feeling. After about a week and a half of bottling it up, I got myself into a viscious cycle, which I didn't know how to break free of.

The cycle started when I started having nightmares about my sick friend. These weren't your regular Vampires, snakes and spider nightmares, these were powerfully sharp images that would haunt me most nights, and often ended in tears and a sleepless night. The nightmares started to make me very tired during the days, and I couldn't study or concentrate on anything. The only way I could see to stop the nightmares was to not sleep, which was definately not the right choice, but I was so scared of the nightmares and was so screwed up, that my judgement was so clouded that I made that foolish decision.

My concentration, study habits, health and general awareness, quickly went down hill. I didn't want people knowing about the nightmares because I felt there was something wrong with me... again. No one knew how much I was missing my friend, or how worried and scared I was that she was in hospital and sick. But finally I cracked... I spilt it to my bestfriend again, who was more than happy to listen to me, and was once again a great help.

I started to sleep a tiny bit better and only had the nightmares every so often, however after a nightmare, I would be reluctant to sleep again and would question my own sanity, but the little bit of extra sleep I was getting was definately helping. What began as about 25 hours sleep a week, soon opened out to a more regular pattern, all because I talked about it.

I found myself ringing my bestfriend almost every night, and thankfully she didn't care, and enjoyed our conversations as much as I did. It was the best form of release I had ever undertaken and it really helped me out.

The nightmares did continue, but didn't stop me from sleeping, as I knew I could always share them the next day with my bestfriend. They finally ended however, when I got to see my sick friend at the Formal.

One hug was all it took, and I knew that no matter how bad the rest of the night could possibly be, that it wouldn't bother me... as I felt so much better already.

Well anyway, that's pretty much my story... And basically all I am trying to say, is that, no matter how cliched you feel it is, or how strange you feel people will think you are, that talking through your problems with a friend is always a great option. Doing so, has definately helped me through my toughest times, and until the day that my peaceful existence ends, I will be sharing my problems with my friends and feeling much better for it.

Hopefully, by reading this, you too will realise the importance and at least giving it a try...

Having a tough time reaching out and sharing problems with friends, check out some of our fact sheets...

• Benefits of talking to someone (Fact sheet)
• Talking to friends or family (Fact sheet)
• Guy talk: How to support a friend in need (Story)