The world is not so scary

When I was young I was always shy and quiet.  I hated attention.  I would go to any lengths to avoid attention, even good attention.  Everything had to be perfect - including me.  I was also very depressed, even at a young age I would burst into tears for no apparent reason and my moods of melancholy were almost legendary. 
 
I was teased at school for doing well and it left me with a tendency to avoid social situations.  If I could avoid an engagement, such as a presentation evening or a social then I would.
 
Basically I felt I had no self worth, I wasn't pretty enough, smart enough and I was just plain boring.  Over the years it kind of developed into a vicious cycle of me hating myself more and wanting to see other people less.  It was little wonder that at the age of 19 I was diagnosed with social phobia and severe associated depression.
 
It is very difficult to get help when you think you are going crazy, when you feel your chest tight so you can't breathe and you become more and more anxious.  You feel like everyone's eyes are upon you and that your worst fear is about to be realised - for me that worst fear was everyone looking at me laughing sniggering knowing reducing me into a sniveling heap on the floor.....
 
You may laugh and say how ridiculous but to me it was real. It was so real I decided to get help.
 
It was very difficult to go inside a doctors surgery alone and when she asked me what was wrong I simply burst into tears - it was very difficult for me to put into words what I had been feeling, I thought I was going crazy and I told her so.  I wound up spending my summer in and out of a very well trained and professional psychologist. 
 
She made me confront who I was and see that I was actually a worthwhile person.  Instead of seeing my situation as hopeless and my existence pointless I started to view my whole life differently.  Over the next coming months I made faltering changes to my lifestyle, it is never easy for anyone to drive a lifetime of misconceptions out of your head forever. 
 
I finally see myself more realistically, I'm a determined successful young lady nearly through my medical training.  I have a lovely caring personality and I let my special people know I love them.  Sometimes I do still get anxiety attacks, but I know how deal with them.  I'm not a freak and I'm not crazy.  This world is not a perfect place and we aren't all meant to be perfect.  I'm human and enjoying the world for the beautiful place it can be with a little hope, perseverance and dreams.

Dealing with anxiety problems? Want some help and guidance? Check out some of our fact sheets and stories for some helpful info...

Anxiety (Factsheet)

Anxiety video: a personal experience (Video)

I have an anxiety disorder (Story)