Third time lucky

Written by a 18 year old female from NSW

Relationships for me have always been hard because I have never had any positive role models in my childhood and so I found forming connections later on difficult. I was sexually abused by three different people for just over 10 years and both my parents had severe mental health difficulties and never got along so home life was always hard.

I entered into my first relationship when I was 14 and it was the worst thing possible. He introduced me to a world of self harm, alcohol, and suicide. Luckily, after talking to a counsellor from kids helpline I ended up realizing the negative impact he was having on me and I decided to end it. The night I did I had all his friends yelling at me telling me he was going to commit suicide. I become so worried and blamed myself. The next day I find out he was "just joking" and was with someone new. Luckily my best friends were very supportive and constantly reassuring me that I did the right thing.

It was then that I stopped trusting everyone. I told myself I needed to be single and content with myself before I entered into another relationship. It took a few years of healing and self discovery before I finally started dating someone again.

He appeared to be the perfect guy but once I started dating him I discovered differently. He ended up breaking up with me quite harshly and I discovered that he was cheating on me with one of my best friends!

It was then that I broke down asking myself why? Why did people continually hurt me? I have since discovered that often when people experience abuse from a young age they become vulnerable and susceptible to falling for it again.

As much as all my past relationships have hurt me I do not regret them because I have learnt so much. I have learnt the type of person I don't want to be with and I have learnt how to see warning signs in other people.

 When people ask how I got through this, there's no simple answer. I found that surrounding myself with positive people, making sure I was supported by my good friends as well as seeing a counsellor who helped me work through issues and understand boundary setting so I didn't fall into the same situation again. I found that the single most important thing is that in order for someone else to love and respect you, you must first love and respect yourself. I started recognising what I was good at and what I could do well and focused on the positives, not the negatives.

I'm now happier then ever. I am with a new guy who is absolutely fantastic. He is different to anyone else I have been with. He respects me. But most of all my friends can see how much of a positive influence he has on me.

I have learnt that things may change and that relationships aren't always perfect and need work. But I am now in a much better head space where I will no longer take abuse or disrespect, no how to recognize warning sign but most of all for the first time in my life I can actually say someone loves me for me and doesn't want me to change and it's the best feeling ever!

Learning to trust and maintaining happy relationships are challenges many of us face. Check out some of the other stories on ReachOut.com

• Unable to trust (Poem)
• Maintaing a happy relationship (Fact sheet)
• Love at a young age (Story)