Time heals

By: Jodi Stevens

I have two disabled parents and I am their carer, meanwhile I go to school and doing my VCE. I was in a car accident with one of them, they were driving and it resulted in them being in a coma for 2 months. Now one has brain damage, whilst the other has a broken back. I believed it was my fault, it provoked many mixed thoughts.

I hit the jackpot!

I am scared of being asleep.

I am scared of being awake.

I am scared of living,

for I am scared of being fake.

I am scared of everything that lies ahead.

I am scared that I will soon be dead.

I am scared that my logical ways, won't reappear.

I am scared that I am showing my fears.

I am scared that I won't know who you are.

I am scared of a bloody motor car.

I am scared of hunger and of pain.

I am scared that I am going hideously insane.

I am scared to stay.

I am scared to go.

I am scared to be happy.

I am scared it shows.

I am scared to dream or plan an event.

I am scared of these dreams and flashbacks which I can't prevent.

I am scared that dad can't take good care of himself, just as

I am scared that I won't get time to myself.

I am scared for you, in your state of need.

I am scared that my thoughts are very tedious, very tedious indeed.

I am scared of thunder.

I am scared of snow.

I am scared to reach out, for I am scared of falling below.

I am scared that being the way I am is a crime.

I am scared of losing out and not having any time.

I am scared of you, but only for a second. I am scared that my memories have decended.

I am scared that tomorrow, will be just another day.

I am scared so stiff that I dont' know what to say'.

There came a point that I had to stop blaming myself, for some sanity and feeling

like the world can't get much worse, I realized

I love my family,

I love my friends,

I love the world,

I love my pets,

I love my life.

Despite what was going on around me everyone was still there and I am privileged to be there with them. Life is only as good as the people in it. I am lucky I hit the jackpot!