Two portraits for Christmas

My parents have been divorced for as long as I can remember, in fact, one of my first memories is my Dad driving away in his old ute. I can't remember ever seeing my parents show each other any affection, We have no family pictures on our walls, not even a photo of just one of us. I can't really remember them being together, ever. Don't get me wrong, My dads a great guy, he didn't leave us. I still live with both of my parents throughout the week and in fact i'm very close to both of them. Mum had always told me that it was because dad snored!

It was only last year, about a week before christmas that I found out why they really split up. She sat me down and explained that one night Mum found dad holding me as a baby in one hand, with a beer and a cigarette in the other, trying to steady his drunk body against the side of the house. She grabbed me from him and ran inside and locked the door and held me while sobbing to herself. My Dad is a binge drinker. I had never known or even suspected it, and it had never really affected me until chrismas eve when Dad was drunk again and said he wouldn't come to christmas dinner with us because I stayed at mums house for the night, instead he drank himself stupid.

I've never had a proper family, and because of that I feel so grateful when all my family do get together and I think that many people tend to overlook that at christmas. Mum also told dad when she kicked him out that if he ever had just one drink around me, she would drag him through every court so that he'd never see me again. I think that's why I never suspected it, I'd never seen his drink before.

My Dad, a binge drinker isn't something that I'm overly proud of, in fact it's pretty embarrassing when my friends are all saying, "hey we've never met your dad before," what am I going to say? "probably because he'd pass out before you'd even get here?"

I'm slowly dealing through it though. I find that talking about it helps me to come to terms that my family isn't perfect... but i suppose none but the brady bunch are! I looked on Reach Out! about alcoholism and it sort of made me understand that for dad, it's not just a 'fun time', it's an addiction. I'm slowly able to talk to him about it too and it was only last week that we were joking about it in some way or other.

But I always find myself thinking that if I'd stayed with him that night instead of mum, he wouldn't have drank himself stupid, but I'm always reminded that, if it wasn't that night, it would have just been the night after or the night after that.

This Year for christmas I had two portraits taken of me for my parents for christmas. I know it's not quite the same, but subconciously I feel like I'm with them, even when I'm not. Love you Dad xxoo