Understanding my family

I share a really unique bond with my mum. I've lived with her, just us, since I was five. When I was younger I had a great relationship with my dad. Every second weekend we would go out to the movies and spend the three days with just us. Sometimes I didn't want to go home. When I was 14 my mum had been in a stable relationship with her boyfriend and they made a joint decision to move to Melbourne and start a business. My feelings were mixed. It would be a great experience but my whole family was here in Adelaide and it would be hard to leave them. My dad was starting a new relationship with a woman who was really cool and nice, and I could come over every couple of months to visit. So, I decided not to protest and take it as a new experience.
 
We found a house, a place to set up office and a new school for me, so we planned to make the move in the next fortnight. In the next two weeks I learnt a lot about my dad. My mum finally thought I was old enough to know about his affair with my Godmother and his Ten thousand dollar debt to my mum. I was shocked. I always thought my dad was perfect, someone who I could look up to and admire. It really shook my confidence. Even though I accepted it, I still defended him in front of my mum. She would become angry and hurt because even though my dad had hurt us and had become unreliable, I still looked up to him. To her, it seemed like I loved him more.
 
In Melbourne, I grew into my teenage years quickly. I got my own mobile phone and loved it. I went to go give my number to my dad, because he hadn't called us since we moved, and my mum forbid me! I was shaken. I didn't understand why it would be bad to give him my number. I later found out it was my mums attempt to blackmail him into calling her mobile, so she could confront him about the money he owed. The plan backfired and I only heard from him every six months, when I convinced mum to let me call him because I was sick of waiting for him.
 
I became miserable and depressed. I felt as though I didn't mean anything to him. It was something I was just not expecting. I found myself slipping back into my shy self and never wanted to interact with anyone. I sat and listened to the radio in my room and listened as every one else had fun. I became sick of being solitary, and tried to get up off my bum and do something! But, every time I went to do something about my life, I came back to the point of .."well why should I? What do I have to live for?"
Finally I realised that if I was going to have my dad's attention at all, especially in a positive way, I needed to start getting into school. I wanted him to be proud, but by sulking I wasn't giving him anything to be proud of. I started to participate in class and with my social life.  I wasn't just a puppy waiting for her owner to show up anymore, I was living my life and allowing him to enter it on his own time.
 
This was the most positive way to live my life until one of my trips back to Adelaide, when my Yia Yia (Grandma) slipped up and told me that Dad had married his girlfriend and were expecting a baby.
 
That night I was shocked out of my brain. I sat stunned as she showed me the photos. Everyone was there, my great aunty who was wheel chair ridden, my uncle from Melbourne. Everyone, but me. Because of how highly I held my dad, I couldn't confront him with all the anger I wanted to release. I bottled up my emotions and calmly brought it up while watching TV. He promised that we would discuss it when we were all together, but that never happened.
 
Life continued as normal, every six months or so I would try to contact my dad and talk to him. Each time I visited I would see my first sister, and each time I learnt, and re-learnt how she was just meeting me for the first time in her memory.
 
My mum and I moved back to Adelaide when I was 16, leaving my step-dad to continue the life he obviously didn't see us in. Life was hard to set up again, but we finally got ourselves a beautiful new unit close to family, friends, and my old school, which accepted me back with open arms.
 
I now see my dad, whenever I make the effort to call him. My main incentive being my now 2 year old sister, who does remember me and how much fun we have when I visit. Which I make to be a very frequent event.  I still love my dad. After all he is my dad. I know he loves me and I know he appreciates my calls and visits.  But also know and understand that he finds it hard to show his love, and sometimes cant get over his little girl being all grown up. 
 
Life is all about learning the lessons that are in front of you. While it may take my dad the rest of his life to learn that I much prefer a visit than a new pair of shoes to last me the next couple of months before he calls again, I learnt that even though people can be careless and unwise with their decisions, most of the time their intentions are good. If you want things to be done, you have to take them into your own hands and just go for it!!!