Worried about a friend who is self-harming

What is self-harm?

Self-harm is when people deliberately hurt themselves. It is not necessarily a suicide attempt, and may not mean the person wants to die. Self-harm includes deliberately cutting, burning, biting and hitting your body. The reason why a person self-harms can differ, but they may be doing so to alter their mood when they are depressed or angry, because they are frustrated or do not know what else to do.

What to do in an emergency

If someone has harmed themselves intentionally, it is important to get medical help.

If the person is hurt badly call an ambulance (dial 000, if you live in Australia) straight away.

You may want to support your friend by going with them to the hospital. This may help to reassure them.

At the hospital, after the person has been physically checked, they will usually be assessed by a mental health professional. In big hospitals, this person will probably be a psychiatrist. For more information about psychiatrists you may want to check out the Who can help you section.

When do I tell someone else?

If you are concerned about your friend's safety, it is important to let someone like a counsellor, teacher or youth worker know what is going on. These people should be able to help you make sure your friend stays safe.

If possible, it is a good idea to be honest with your friend, letting them know that you will have to let someone know if they tell you that they are harming themselves. If your friend chooses not to tell you things on that basis then that is their call. This way you are not being put in a situation where you feel like you are breaking their trust or risking them harm.

It's hard because you could feel like you are betraying your friend - and they may have made you promise that you won't tell - but it's more important to make sure your friend is safe.

How can you help?

Supporting a friend who is self harming may be hard. Often the reasons why someone self-harms are complex and managing these reasons needs help from someone like a psychologist, psychiatrist or a counsellor. You may want to check out the Who can help you section for more information about how these people can help. The beyondblue Directory of Medical and Allied Health Practitioners database or your local phone book should have details of these services in your local area.

Call Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 (free call from a landline and won't show up on your home phone bill) or Lifeline 131 114 (cost of a local call from a landline) to speak to counsellors who are around 24 hours/ 7 days a week.

Looking after yourself

Sometimes we can get so concerned about our friend that we may not look after ourselves. It is important that you keep yourself safe. It may be helpful for you to talk to someone you trust about what is going on and how you feel. If things start to become overwhelming it may help to take some time out. You may want to listen to some music, go for a walk, go shopping or hang out with friends.

There are a number of things that can be done as an alternative to self-harming. These things usually involve expressing emotions in a less harmful way. It may be helpful to encourage your friend to try some of these when they are wanting to self-harm:

* Punching a pillow or punching bag
* Squeeze ice cubes
* Yell or sing loudly
* Have a cold shower

For more ideas and information on alternatives to self harming behaviour, check out the Deliberate self-harm fact sheet.